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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sex last night with bf...help **Content Warning** Title edited by MNHQ

318 replies

frugalnecessity · 23/04/2023 17:33

For background, I am 32 and he is 33. We see each other at weekends. He is usually sensitive, caring etc which is why his behaviour last night shocked me.

We generally have a healthy sex life, but last weekend he told me that he felt undesired by me because I rarely initiate sex and this is true - whilst I enjoy it, I am not that sexually driven. I took his comments on board and initiated sex last night but he was so different. He was like a man possessed - quite rough and I felt like I was just an object to him. He wanted me to give him a blow job, so I did but he kept forcing his dick further and harder into my mouth. I was gagging and wretching and asked him to stop and said 'no', but he replied 'no' and he carried on going, pushing it deeper in. I actually felt like crying. Afterwards I told him if he ever did that again he wouldn't get any more blow jobs ever and he apologised.

Yet today I can't seem to let it go. I feel violated and used. It sounds silly because it's not like it was rape but I just feel so unheard and unseen. To top if off he sent me a sex related joke after I left today on whatsapp. I replied saying it was too soon after last night for that and that I appreciated his apology but sending stuff like that makes me think he's not taking my feelings seriously. He has since tried to call me but I don't really want to speak to him, although I should. He is supposed to be coming over later and I'd really rather not see him.

Part of me feels like I'm overreacting and that I should just move on, esp as he has apologised, but I am still feeling uncomfortable and unhappy about the whole thing.

Am I being unreasonable? How should I proceed?

OP posts:
FriendsDrinkBook · 23/04/2023 17:45

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Watchkeys · 23/04/2023 17:45

Yet today I can't seem to let it go

That's because you have healthy boundaries. What is that voice inside saying to you?

Needtobuildabridge · 23/04/2023 17:45

OP just to reiterate what others have said, this was rape.

Legally, rape is non-consonsenual penatration of the vagina, anus OR mouth.

This was rape.

Tresfren · 23/04/2023 17:45

Massive red flag. He's probably highly addicted to porn and this is just the start of pushing your boundaries. Run for the hills.

Littlebluebellwoods · 23/04/2023 17:46

How long have you been with him op?

Happygirl79 · 23/04/2023 17:46

Get him out of your life. You deserve better. He has shown who he really is and he isn't a nice person

Hintofreality · 23/04/2023 17:47

I’d be making him an ex pronto, no way would I be giving him another chance to abuse me.
His behaviour was not ok, you deserve better.

ZeroWorshipHere · 23/04/2023 17:47

He raped you. That’s why you feel violated. Rape is unwanted penetration with a penis. I’m so sorry he did that to you - you are so justified in your feelings and he should have listened the very first time you said no and stopped immediately. Any decent man would have stopped as soon as you said no, or even before that

Littlebluebellwoods · 23/04/2023 17:47

Tresfren · 23/04/2023 17:45

Massive red flag. He's probably highly addicted to porn and this is just the start of pushing your boundaries. Run for the hills.

wtf? Some folks are so obsessed with porn they can’t see past it. Many men can watch porn and nor attach, abuse, rape, assault or humiliate their partners, give over.

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 23/04/2023 17:49

Id never give a man a second chance to do that to me. It was revolting behaviour and he clearly doesn't even comprehend what he has done. Not a safe person sorry.

mrsbitaly · 23/04/2023 17:49

You said no and he continued to force himself on you until you gagged - that is appalling behaviour and my trust would be gone.
Are you going to feel safe with him again if he ignores your 'no' when your not comfortable doing something?
You've probably got the ick - leave him

Zuffe · 23/04/2023 17:49

This reply has been deleted

We've removed this post as it's not in the spirit of the site.

Watchkeys · 23/04/2023 17:50

This reply has been deleted

We've removed this post as it's not in the spirit of the site.

OP has been raped.

LlynTegid · 23/04/2023 17:52

End the relationship.

Curlyfluff · 23/04/2023 17:52

Please, please rid yourself of this man, immediately.
You quite clearly said no, and he continued. He is not a man who cares for or about you.
He DOES NOT CARE.
xxx

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/04/2023 17:52

He is a disgusting person who gets off on you being distressed and hurt. You really need to end this now.

romdowa · 23/04/2023 17:53

You said no and he continued, that's rape. He's a raping piece of shit. Block him everywhere and call the rape crisis centre to get yourself some support if you can't call a friend right now

MyTruthIsOut · 23/04/2023 17:53

Please do not go near this potentially dangerous man again.

What happened the other night will just be the tip of the iceberg.

Littlebluebellwoods · 23/04/2023 17:53

This reply has been deleted

We've removed this post as it's not in the spirit of the site.

I think you’ve posted on the wrong thread. This is about sexual assault and rape.

Zuffe · 23/04/2023 17:54

Whoops. Sorry, indeed.

Curlyfluff · 23/04/2023 17:55

You feel violated and used, because you were violated and used.
He's a complete bastard. End it, please! :(

Wedoronron · 23/04/2023 17:55

I hope you're OK. Leave him. He will minimise this. It's actually doesn't matter what he thinks you don't want to be with someone like this. 💐

BrutusMcDogface · 23/04/2023 17:55

Get rid, please. It was abuse.

frugalnecessity · 23/04/2023 17:56

Oh my god I actually feel sick reading all of your replies. Thank you so much for all your support and for validating my feelings. I can't believe this has happened

OP posts:
Bhyr358 · 23/04/2023 17:56

Jesus christ, of course you're not over reacting. He raped you! How can you ever trust him again?!