Sex last night with bf...help **Content Warning** Title edited by MNHQ

Everything everyone is already saying. I would be out of there.

But he did assault you. You said no and he carried on. Just end it with him and speak to Rape Crisis for professional advice.

I’m sorry you had to go through that op. It is assault.

how long have you been together?

This man is an abuser and he assaulted you.

It is likely that he finally showed you his true face after a few months of playing the nice guy and decided to push/test your boundaries to see if he would get away with it.

Don't see that vile man again as his behaviour is likely to escalate.

As soon as you said no and did not stop this became sexual assault. He is a sick individual and the fact that he sent you some sexually explicit messages afterwards means he is getting off on the whole situation.

I would message him to say that he has sexually assaulted you and that if he ever comes near you or try to contact you ever again you will call the police. Then block him.

You're describing rape, OP. The moment you say 'no' and he carries on, he's a rapist.

You should probably consider reporting to the police. They would be unlikely to do anything based on the one report, but it could help bring to light a pattern of offending.

You were horrifically violated

I couldn't forgive anyone who did this to me, or trust them again. It would be over.

You said no and he carried on. I’m sorry OP but that was rape. Please think about going to the police. Also get in touch with Rape Crisis. And absolutely dump him and block him on everything.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, OP. It must be awful to be abused in this way by someone you trust and who supposedly loves you.

You might find speaking to Rape Crisis helpful.

Rape Crisis for England & Wales and Scotland

No means no and he certainly doesn't sound like he's taken on board what you've said if he's sending you sex jokes today. Please message and tell him it's over and lock your door. Do you have a friend/family member you could get together with tonight or plan to see tomorrow. You don't have to tell them what's happened (unless of course you want to), but it'd probably be good to have someone else around.

OP, I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I'm glad you've found the strength to speak out.

Please take care of yourself and access support to help you through this -

https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/get-help/

I am so sorry, OP.

You're definitely not over-reacting. As other PP's have said, this is rape. You withdrew your consent and he continued. He also can't claim he didn't hear your no-he acknowledged it and proceeded anyway.

I'd end this relationship now at the very least. I had something similar happen by a boyfriend of mine when I was 17-and I stayed for a while afterwards, downplaying it in my head. It's really hard when it happens (at any time in any circumstance) but especially at the hands of someone you care about because it distorts everything you thought you knew of them.

You now know who he really is. He has no care for you, your safety, your comfort or your boundaries. He wants what he wants-and he's more than willing to take it even if you're not willing to give it. He's an utter POS and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Part of me feels like I'm overreacting and that I should just move on, esp as he has apologised, but I am still feeling uncomfortable and unhappy about the whole thing.

I have only read your posts not the whole thread @frugalnecessity but had to tell you my story. Fairly early on in my relationship with my then fiance (we were married within ten months of starting to date) I woke up to him having sex with me. I felt uncomfortable and unhappy about it but never found the nerve to bring it up with him. I had 30 years with him being emotionally and physically abusive to me. It wasn't until we were separating that I eventually worked up the courage to ask him about that night. His immediate response was "I THOUGHT YOU WERE AWAKE!". He didn't even ask what it was I was talking about, he had an immediate answer.

The point of my story is that I spent 30 years wondering about that incident, feeling very uncomfortable about it and unhappy and in all honesty now wishing I'd had the wherewithal and knowledge that I have now about healthy relationships to leave him there and then.

Please don't put aside this man's abuse of you - you had already changed your behaviour to suit him and look how he took advantage of you. He wasn't just testing your boundaries, he was trampling all over them.

I'm so sorry

I would say to him that this morning you have realised he assaulted you. When you say no and stop it isnt something he can choose to ignore and the fact that he did whilst doing something that you were incredibly uncomfortable with meant he crossed a line into assault and violated your boundaries and that is something you can never get back.
and suggest he properly looks into consent and what no means

Also, further from my comment up thread, please contact women's aid for help and support leaving this "man", the police to report the rape and also rape crisis as they will be able to support you through the coming days, weeks, however long it takes you to process what has happened to you x

And don’t let him in, the jokes, roughness and making you initiate are also red flags. When you pushed he assaulted you do not give him a chance to do something again

You said No.

He acknowledged that you'd said it in his response.

Then he carried on. Knowing you didn't want it.

There's a word for that and I think you know what it is.

Bin him. You deserve better.

If you were my daughter, I would be telling you to end it. Now. And do not look back.

This ^

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP.

He is not caring or sensitive. He certainly knows how to behave like that, and to make it look genuine, but that's not who he is.

What he did was sexual assault at the very least. The reaosn why he carried on is because he was most likely turned on by that interaction, by you saying no. He's turned on by rape.

Do NOT see him again. You aren't safe around him. I'd be tempted to report it to the police to have it on record at the very least. It wouldn't surprise me if he's done this before or will eventually do this again to another poor woman. If he's like this now, just imagine what he'd be like if he thought you were more vulnerable, like living together.

I agree with everyone else. This is rape. Can you call a friend to have over and tell him you don't want to see him again

What a cunt.

What part of no was his tiny brain not understanding 🙄.

Put him in the bin OP and look after yourself.

He was forcing his dick into your mouth

You were gagging and wretching

You said you wanted to stop

You said no

Consentual sex means both people want to be doing what they are doing and are participating of their own free will. All four of the things you have said above would make this non consentual

It absolutely was rape. You said no and he refused to stop.

I was gagging and wretching and asked him to stop and said 'no', but he replied 'no' and he carried on going, pushing it deeper in.

That is rape. Rape in England and Wales is unwanted penetration with penis in anus, vagina or mouth. Pretty much the same in Scotland too.

There's no ambiguity. It was rape. I'm sorry.

Please, please don't question yourself, tell yourself he's "normally so nice" and the rest. You're feeling horrible today because you have very healthy boundaries.

This is a genuine case of LTB. Block him. Go to the police too, if you want. But don't let someone who does this to you back in your life. You don't deserve it and he doesn't deserve it either, for opposite reasons.