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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bum Sex & Wind

388 replies

PhantomFluffer · 02/07/2010 20:26

Sorry to lower the tone, but it is Friday and I've waited a while to find some advice/empathy for the following the problem. It sounds hysterical, indeed if I were to read about this on mn I would be rofl. However, it is a genuine problem and I'm wondering if it's a common occurrence.

Dh and I have recently began engaging in erm...rear entry bedroom antics. The issue is, immediately afterwards I suffer dreadful wind and if I pop to the loo I will almost blow the toilet off the wall and also well, pebble dash the pan. I also continue to be a bit windy the following day and worst of all I have no control over it

We only ever engage in such activities if I been to the loo within a couple of hours previous. The post shag messiness is really off putting and I often wonder how gay men put up with it! Is there something I can do? I'm not really keen on enemas or wash outs or whatever as it's always a spontaneous thing.

OP posts:
Coolfonz · 05/07/2010 22:27

"Am I the only person in the whole of MN that hasn't experienced bumsex, icedocking or dogging"

Oh come on, everyone on MN loves a bit of ice docking, it's in the terms and conditions when you sign up. All this parenting stuff is just deep cover. I wonder if we could ask Sarah Beeney about it tomorrow?

I've heard she's into celery myself.

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 05/07/2010 22:37

Well, in that case Coolfonz, can you obtain the required equipment at Waitrose or will I have to produce it myself?

BenHer · 05/07/2010 22:38

Sarah,what are your views on the pink sock?

Go on....I dare you!

BrittanyBeers · 05/07/2010 22:57

Lord no AF!

I was wondering if his OH knew he was having phone sex with someone.

Alouise at the speedboat name! Whatever compelled him?
BTW, did you "suprise" him yet with requests for him to do you up the Gary Glitter?

CoteDAzur · 05/07/2010 23:04

"Ice docking" has to be an urban myth.

Surely anyone can think of myriad alternatives to frozen poo that will be:
(1) softer
(2) warmer
and
(3) much less stinky

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 23:09

just teasing ya, BB

mumwhatnothing · 05/07/2010 23:12

Oh dear God this thread is certainly an education. But, I will not be asking DH if he fancies ice docking, munting or giving me a pink sock.

Absolutely shocked and going for a lie down........unless there are more foul terms I have never heard before.

Alouiseg · 05/07/2010 23:22

Bukkake was an inspired name..........so he thought! He bought it with a mate and they came up with seedier and seedier names till they settled on something deviant enough that not everyone would understand.

I havnt sprung the surprise yet [nervous]

chocolateme · 05/07/2010 23:23

This thread is so funny @ expat, top form!!

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 23:25

louise...your DH has a strange sense of "humour"

has he actually painted that name on his boat ?

you should replace it with "immature twat"...think that might be more fitting, tbh

Alouiseg · 05/07/2010 23:30

Harsh AF.

AnyFucker · 05/07/2010 23:33

just my opinion, Al

take it or leave it (am sure you are happy to leave it )

I would have a major sense of humour failure at such a display of nobbery, myself

Has his mum seen it ?

lemonysweet · 05/07/2010 23:44

'display of nobbery'

bloody hell AF, it was a joke!!!

the world isnt meant to be a child friendly place.

all the ice docking that goes on!

Unlikelyamazonian · 05/07/2010 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Mumcentreplus · 05/07/2010 23:53

even 'suck' sounds rude somehow ..the things people do for a thrill eh?

AnyFucker · 06/07/2010 08:05

hey, lemony what couple s do in the privacy of their own home is up to them (haven't tried ice-docking though )

now painting "bukkake" on your boat, that I presume is going to be seen in public is rather different

it would be like (showing my age here) when people used to have slogans/names on their car windscreens

how about "likes to spunk on a woman's face with several other men (in a closet homosexual way)"

classy

UA...again, I hope you ae ok

BenHer · 06/07/2010 08:52

Good luck with the chocolate chimneysweep Alouiseg!

EricNorthmansmistress · 06/07/2010 13:55

UnlikelyAmazonian...

You're starting to look a bit unhinged. Could you desist from posting that everywhere please?

Alouiseg · 06/07/2010 17:31

AnyFucker. While your straightforward postings amuse me I think that your generalization of my husband as a "Nobber". And Closet homosexual is rather ott.

The direct translation for Bukkake is Splash. Not an unfeasible name for a boat?

10 years ago dh was newly back from working in Japan, he bought a speedboat on his return and named it in a double entendre sort of way. It's a boys toy not a statement of political correctness and I found it all very amusing. The boat is owned by someone else and he's moved on.

Not everything is deadly serious in the world today and while you decry a fair few relationships on mn I can safely say that mine is rock solid with a damn good man and has been that way for 15 years.

..............and yes his Mum did see it but I'm fairly certain she didn't go home and google Bukkake!

AnyFucker · 06/07/2010 17:45

Al...quite a stretch for you to assume I was criticising your relationship when I remarked that giving a boat, on public view, the name "Bukkake" was an immature, nobbish thing to do

"bukkake" is not a double entendre, btw

where did I say you and him weren't "rock solid" ??? I also didn't say he was a closet homosexual...I was referring to the practice of "bukkake" which, in the way of many male group sex experiences, I believe, is

in fact, I would assume your DH didn't partake, as opposed to assuming he did....so why make such an offensive "joke" ?? And why would you be offended by me picking up on that particular point ?

I don't get it...if my own husband did something similar, he would get the same derision from me

you don't have to over-explain anything to me, Al

and if you have the same sense of humour, then carry on, you are entitled to it of course

just don't expect everyone to get the "joke"

FellatioNelson · 06/07/2010 17:47

Yes, yes, Alouiseg but have you done it yet? It's Tuesday. All these ladies (and men) are waiting for news. Including me.

You seemed to be walking alright this morning. Is that why you wanted to sit in the garden - was it a leakage issue?

I saw this a few days ago and discretion didn't allow me to join in. (Though I have have LAUGHED heartily.) I thought I'd give you some internet privacy. But curiosity has got the better of me. Sorry. Well?

This'll serve you right for making RL friends with an MNer.

AnyFucker · 06/07/2010 17:55

Yes, never mind male group sex experiences and immature jokes...have you done it yet ?

FellatioNelson · 06/07/2010 18:00

drums fingers on table....

BenHer · 06/07/2010 18:01

I'm guessing the captain has yet to be given his instruction to berth the boat in Bournville Bay.

FellatioNelson · 06/07/2010 18:04

I just had a strange vision of her husband dressed as Paul Nicholas, singing 'Dancing with the Captain' then.