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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

1000 replies

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 02/07/2010 01:12

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

OP posts:
startingovernow · 03/07/2010 22:23

I think we will always care to a certain degree if they self destruct but it's to detach at the same time & focus on our own lives. For me it was more in the earlier days when I really really wanted him back & prayed to god he'd hit a rock bottom. Sad truth is I hadn't a clue what I was dealing with then so wasted a lot of time. When the full picture emerged I wouldn't have wanted him back .

startingovernow · 03/07/2010 22:25

Just took a quick peek on the Match place simply to be able to report back accurately to my fellow dumplings . Two winks & an email . Have just winked back at 1 for the laugh . He's a student & into yoga so my mind took off a little.......... rolf

TougherThanTough · 03/07/2010 22:26

Ok LOUD AND CLEAR HE IS MY X have done the whole be patient headfuck he ripped the piss out of me good and proper ,he does not walk ,he SLITHERS this is different since last week i honestly am letting go! time for a song

TougherThanTough · 03/07/2010 22:31

Oh and just to say my counsellor says he doesnt believe in the Missouri method or mississippi method or whatever M place it is he says folk stop cause they choose to stop {Addictions specialist nearly 30 yrs}.END OF i agree with that re my own experience although not alcohol,he knew what he was giving up he knew the risk he was taking he was gambling his familly ffs,didnt matter still conned me like i said he SLITHERS!

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 03/07/2010 22:32

I feel the need to say at this point that over the last few weeks I have finally got to the point where I can say I would never have XH back. Reasons....

most of all because he is so weak
also because he runs away and hides from any problem
also because he has badly let down my oldest DC who needs his strength
also because he has shown me no respect and gaslighted me to such an extent that I seriously thought I would go la la
because he is dishonest and not to be trusted
because I don't find him attractive

It's wonderful to be free of him

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 03/07/2010 22:32

Like that phrase Tough very true my twunt used to say "Dont ask questions you dont like the answers to"
And I still stayed

TougherThanTough · 03/07/2010 22:35

Movin on up

pinksmarties · 03/07/2010 22:37

Hello everyone, I keep wanting to post but it's all been so hectic and I'm so tired.

We've 'settled' now and it's been very painful and laborious.

My 'absolute' will come in a few short weeks and that will be that.

I'm so relieved it's all over
but I'm just left with such all consuming sadness. I'll never believe it's happened, I loved him so much and for so long and now he's playing happy fucking families with someone else. Its truley unbelieveble.

He's surpassed himself in his twuntishness recentley and that's helped alot in my determined yet seemingly impossible quest to stop loving him, so that's a good thing.

I'm not lonely but I do feel very alone, especially when I'm out and I see something odd or funny etc and I normally would have phoned or texted him. It happenend today. I texted a friend but its not the same.

WE really 'got' each other completley and now he's gone.

I must say though, to the newbies on here who have only just been dumped........IT REALLY DOES GET EASIER !!!!

It's been just over 2 years for me now and when I think back to how I was, even a few months ago, I'm so much better now, thank God.

It does get better. I think you just get used to it.

Its such a massive shock in the begining, I think I was in total shock for 4/5 months.

I managed to hang on to the house, though it was touch and go for a while.

Ive neglected it horribly what with everything going on so am now looking forward to making it nice again, though i don't have much energy for it plus it's soooooooo hot isn't it.

Ive been looking after myself ie eating well and resting when I need to so that makes me feel better.

The huge task of having sole responsibility for DC, house, etc etc is overwhelming sometimes, especially when they all need different things at the same time so Ive stopped eating junk as it was making me so lethargic.

I'm out of touch with you all but have read most of it I think.

I do get in a muddle though with whose who on here, especially the newer posters. I'll try and keep up.

Happy, Maybees, Mumfun and Tougher ( I miss your old name , youve all been having such a hard time, I'm so sorry.

What is it with all these twunts ? Their selfishness defies belief, it really does.

I never want another one, been hurt too much. All my adult mememories involve him, all my phto albums too, I can't look at them, I might never be able to. It was all a lie.

Its funny, I can be perfectly fine, serene, start off typing nicely, gradually though (like now) the more I write ...the angrier I feel, as it makes me think of his utter twuntishness but also our wonderful life together.

If I had a voodoo doll now...I don't need to tell you where I'd be sticking the pins !

But I haven't, so I won't.

We are all so much better than those misserable w*nk stains, we are stronger, nicer and more honnerable and in the end, if not already...we'll be happier.

Lets all have lovely Sundays tomorow.

xxx

startingovernow · 03/07/2010 22:38

Happy, found myself agreeing & nodding away to all your reasons & could add a lot more to it............ (as*hole being the No1)

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 03/07/2010 22:41

Hi Pink, lovely to hear from you. The thread has certainly got a little active of late which is nice.

Glad you are getting to the end of the divorce, it will feel fantastic to get that behind you. I guess I had better get started with mine and get my head out of the sand.

Do come and talk to us sometimes, it would be good to have you back.

OP posts:
pinksmarties · 03/07/2010 22:44

Shit....just realised ive missunderstood who namechanged......who was it ?

startingovernow · 03/07/2010 22:44

Pink, great to hear from you again. Sorry to hear things have been difficult for you recently. Great news about the house . You've plenty of time to get it sorted so relax & enjoy the sunshine. You're earlier motivation kept me going on my decluttering & cleaning & am glad to say it's almost complete at this stage .

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 03/07/2010 22:46

It's Maybees Pink

OP posts:
TougherThanTough · 03/07/2010 22:46

Happy so pleased for you honey i am pretty close too ,had done some previous realisations b4 marriage counselling then H charmed me with lies ,just felt he was lying ,too good to be true ,turned out he was.I am now officially out of LIMBO hence name change ,always thought we could work it out but this is a warped man.He will detatch for a week no contact then phone and ask if i have calmed down yet.I blame the TAPS AFF hot weather ,my head was turned ,but im single now so plenty more TAPS to TAKE OFF just not his x

armbow · 03/07/2010 22:48

what made him change ffs he used to be sooooo lovely, i can think of soooo many lovely memories but they are all from before we had our children. once our second came along he changed beyond recognition.

i asked him before he left did he thnk he fell out of love with me since i became a mum and he said that he thought that was part of it.

startingovernow · 03/07/2010 22:50

Live conversation overheard in supermarket between two v old ladies.........

Lady 1 - Oh hello Mary how are you today?
Lady 2 - Hello Peggy, I'm ok but v tired nowdays. When I'm finished my shopping I'm going to go home make a cup of tea & then go to bed for a few hours.
Lady 1 - Won't you have your lunch first?
Lady 2 - No, I'll be too tired, I'll just have a cup of tea.
Lady 1 - How do you get into town now?
Lady 2 - I either get the bus or Mollie brings me.
Lady 1 - How did you get in today?
Lady 2 - Am, (silence for a min), actually do you know what, I can't remember.
Lady 1 - You can't remember how you got here?
Lady 2 - Ah it's grand, sur I'll remember again in awhile.

Ladies that was a real conversation & that will be us quicker then we know it. Live life to the full.

TougherThanTough · 03/07/2010 22:51

Hi PInk missed you my love,glad you got the house ,punched fuck out of my settee at 2 oclock this morning but feeling much calmer now x

pinksmarties · 03/07/2010 22:57

Thanks Happy, i was confused because you were still saying Maybees.!

Tougher.....loving the 'TAPPS AFF'

though some of the sights ive seen today.....I wish they'd kept them on.

TougherThanTough · 03/07/2010 23:00

AB mine never went to pub til dcs came along just never jumped on the responsibility bus..just went in the opposite direction...he is prob havin a "Mary "moment as we speak ,how did i get here then....
love it startin and yes i fully intend to !

TougherThanTough · 03/07/2010 23:04

Supersonic

startingovernow · 03/07/2010 23:07

Tough, that's so funny, hadn't actually thought about it in that context . Add me in too so, also having a Mary moment & wondering how the f**k I got here????

armbow · 03/07/2010 23:08

i just find it so confusing though, tough.

i don't think he can handle the family life bit very well because that's at the core this shit storm.

but tragically he is such a good dad and this is what all his tears are about at the moment. he hates to be leaving the kids.

it seems so twisted.

i hope in time i understand it cos i sure as hell don't get it now.

startingovernow · 03/07/2010 23:12

Armbow, it takes a long time to get any bit of peace around this stuff. For now you will prob not be able to understand it. It's prob better to keep your focus on you & dc's for now, saying that I used to lay awake at night wondering why............. self torture

teaandcakeplease · 03/07/2010 23:14

Oh yes my H changed beyond all recognition after children. Especially after 2 DC.

startingovernow · 03/07/2010 23:16

Ladies I have just exposed myself to the world & loaded on a webcam pic of myself on Match...............

Can't believe I've actually done that . Could panic & delete it tomorrow..........

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