ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

My X found young kids too stressful...seriously couldnt do it crying babies ,whingeing toddlers just normal end of the day tired kids ...didnt have the patience so stayed away at pub til bed time....but short spells he can do and they have great fun .Unfortunately he chose single bloke no pressure life over us.Just a retarded maturity in his case ,huge fear of parental responsibilities so jumped ship.But didnt quite want to let go .....

Can i just say for weeks now X used to say "You ve got such a good set up here now ,I dont want to spoil things "

In hindsight HE had such a good set up he didnt want ME to spoil things

Thanks for the chat tonight ladies its really helped to talk x

Ah Tough, ffs classic case of projection! Sending you hugs & strength. Keep the faith.

hmmmm so it is not ust my h then that could not handle it then.

morning everyone hope we all have a fab sunday. the weather here is great. we all would have spent the day as a family down the beach on a day like today.wonder what h is up to (probably going to go a beer garden )

"mary moment" !!! this is funny stuff !!!

My H STILL can't cope looking after the kids, never coped with them crying and also at the end of the day tired/ tantrum times (I call it the witching hour). He ran off into a fantasty life with the 21 yr old student instead, where he could live a life of fancy and fun, drinking, clubbing and shagging etc. So his form of escapism was slightly different but still running away. He too kept insisting that he believed I could make the marriage work, but he couldn't and I was better off without him

Men hey?

I'd love to go to the beach today

yup i have had that line over the last few days.

i know i have been a bad husband and you deserve so much better than me. you are a great wife.

muppet

I wrote this when i got home today .

So glad I went to church today,
And saw my friends to share,
It let me know,things aren't that bad,
And people truly care.

So glad I went to church today,
And spoke about my pain,
It might be time to cut the cord,
But love will still remain,

So glad I went to church today,
And truly got inspired,
Business,home and family,
My imagination has been fired,

So glad I went to church today,
And DS took his bike,
We followed trails,we jumped o'er logs,
And read poems on our hike.

So glad I went to church today,
We gave a Saint a hug,
We cuddled up and all joined hands,
It made us feel so snug.

So glad I went to church today,
And took my shoes off in the grass,
It grounded me and gave me faith,
That once more "THIS TOO SHALL PASS",

So glad I went to church today,
To give thanks for all thats mine,
No resentment,No blame,No bitterness,
It's just a stage in time,

So glad I went to church today,
To start my brand new road,
Each step I take I know I'm safe,
With Jesus and with God .

Well for someone who does go to church every week, I think that poem is lovely Tougher x

Thanks Tea ,you would love our rural church ,maybe a good place for a dumpling visit one day x

By the way I tone down the dumpling motto to
"Chin up,Chest out,"when Im talking to my minister

You'd probably have a shock if you came to mine, it's a youth church run by a fat greek and the music is live band worship. It's loud But lovely people, vibe, place.

Grew up going to a CofE though.

My faith has been my crutch big time, since things went pear shaped with H. But I've always talked to God lots.

Starting - the bug has arrived. I removed and dropped at H's door today every single item that was his and some things I didn't want. Such as DVD box sets he bought for birthdays for me, which clearly were more for him

That has helped make the place seem tidier. Now if my brother can hurry up and have this baby with his wife, I can get rid of vast amounts of baby paraphenlia!

Evening Dumplings .

Tough, that poem is really beautiful. Glad you got some rl support today & that you're feeling more positive.

Tea, it feels great to rid the house of clutter doesn't it! Mind you dc's went on rampage in house this morn & mine looks like a bomb hit atm

Both your churches sound lovely. Tea love the idea of the live band & fat greek .

Well believe this or not xh sent someone to collect the dc's today for access as if nothing happened Wed . I did not leave dc's go & explained to person (appointed by court to do collections & dropp offs) exactly what happened. Twunt grrrrrrrrr............

Unbelievable Startin

He's a prize twunt Starting

I've got this song going round in my head:

Never smile at a crocodile!
No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile;
Don't be taken in by his welcome grin;
He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin!
Never smile at a crocodile!
Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile;
Never run, walk away; say good-night, not good-day;
Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile!

You may very well be well bred,
Lots of etiquette in your head,
But there's always some special case, time or place
To forget etiquette!
For instance: Never smile at a crocodile!
No, you can't get friendly with a crocodile;
Don't be taken in by his welcome grin;
He's imagining how well you'd fit within his skin!

Never smile at a crocodile!
Never dip your hat and stop to talk awhile;
Never run, walk away; say good-night, not good-day;
Clear the aisle but never smile at Mister Crocodile!

evening all.....

great poem tough - i am rubbish at stuff like that.
starting - what did the person who was collecting them say?
tea - it feels good to get rid of stuff doesn't it? i have done his wardrobe and got rid of any pics of him and i together (in loft) but the loft is FULL of his stuff i am dreading doing that.

went to the beach today with the DCs it was lovely. they came home covered in sand and dirt the way little boys should look after a day playing outside in the summer. it took an age to scrub them clean in the bath. we all have rosy cheeks and are tired.

i keep expecting the door to go and for h to be stood there, or for my phone to beep with a txt from him. i asked for space though and to be fair he is giving it to me.

it is the thrid time he has left and the last 2 times he was home after a week (we are at the week mark now) but we never got as far as discussing finances etc last time. and he has told our eldest dc this time that he as gone to live with a friend and soon he will get a house of his own.

i can't help it though i think i would seriously considering taking him back if he walked in now. but i don't think he will.

dangerously though i still am clinging onto this slither of hope.

Nothing wrong with hope AB but you need to work on building firm foundations ,he cant just keep dickin' you around ,but you know that.Dont let him see you are needy he will play on that weakness,but dont repress your pain have a good cry / rage when he leaves and kids in bed ,worked wonders for me....especially punching fuck out my couch at 2 in the morningfeel the dumpling strength behind you ,it will empower you,when you are vulnerable,beach sounds fab bet the kids loved it.

Evening Dumplings!!

Starting I hope you are ok your exh sounds completely dotty . Peggy and Mary -too depressing to comment on . Match well go girl go and keep the deeply cynical amongst us abreast of how it all works and if we should go for it too , am already in new territory on MN so Match is a way off . Will live a love life vicariously through Starting .

Tougher loved your poem keep thinking about church too but never gets past thinking stage,its the spiritual side that draws me really.

Tea and Happy where in herts are you I am in Welwyn Garden City ... glass of wine at getting's house.. ?

Armbow how are you doing ? Talk about it I am going to check your thread next maybe you are letting it out on there..

Been working all day on job application. DS dropped home by Twunt asks what I've been doing all day tell him applying for job as cover supervisor at a secondary school he says Mum Dont do that all the kids rip cover teachers to shreds it would be awful . Actually wondering now how didnt consider that however am not in position to pick and choose and school hours - what can I say.

DCs are now being fully integrated into ow's large family have just spent weekend with exh and as far as I can tell all activities included various members of her family over both days. Six weeeks ago I got a tentative phone call to ask if I minded ow looking after them for a couple of hours as he was stuck and now that green light was given its spend all their time with her people this short time later.

However I have realised that he probably doesnt have many other friends and actually he can hitch a ride on a whole new busy life ready made and also it distracts him from need to actually deal with our dcs by himself.

Something that was said to me AB was if he comes back now its not going to work anyway,he hasnt changed and you havent changed.
Without really trying (i guess X leaving left a lot more space in my head )I have become more alive and independent,more self confident,higher self esteem,soon you will create boundaries without thinking and become naturally assertive because ur Hs opinion wont matter and every new achievement will boost you .But you need time to heal ATM and nourish yourself,you are priority,you stay strong your dcs will be fine .

for all the dumplings a question if you please....

if you were in love with him when you split are you still in love now? If not how long did it take for this love to fade?

(I still love him depsite everything. he says he does not love me. what if i never get over him shitless emoticon

Gettin theyve never had a dumpling cover teacher before ,You'll be drawing that laser beam of self respect around you that they wont dare to cross,the cheeky wee devils
By the way Bob Marley got me back into the church thing if you havent ever listened to his music i thoroughly recommend it .Spiritual .
Maybe you could go with tea ?

Ummm we separated in October and only now with counselling, am I starting to look at him in disgust, rather than love.

It will fade, I think it's hard to not care anymore about them at all. I still care in a way but I've put up so many boundaries now on visits etc it's helping me to heal and move on but I definitely do not love him anymore, no.

LOL - I live near Watford Getting. Do an Alpha course first you can drop out half way through if you don't like the course, its free anyway and see what you make of it all at the end. You get a meal every week and its a good place to make new friends.

I'm planning to do the next one of these courses.

don't know what happened then it was meant to read scared shitless emoticon.

Do I still love X?
It might be time to cut the cord but love will still remain,
But it is a connection,an unconditional love
for someone who will always be special to me.

Next love will be a hot sweaty love a respectful love a cherishing love a considerate love.I dont see a problem with falling in love again my bed has been empty for 7mths.

The just hanging on to your self respect long enough you dont fall to the floor,grab his ankles like a toddler and get dragged along the floor as he leaves the house stage.....ahh i remember it well back in Jan he didnt even acknowledge me at access visits,that is the neediness i was talking about ,i remember one conversation x had when i suppose i had moved forwards a leap and hadnt really noticed ,he told me"You've got all empowered" i thought no mate i just escaped your oppression .But little sexy suffragette was reborn.Just keep thinking ..."DUMPLING",Read this lovely poem out my walk this morning it was an ancient text warning of the dangers of co dependence in a marriage very wise words about giving each other space to grow,of course grow doesnt mean go to the pub without your wife every night.

Can i also say ATM i am more sad about losing my house than losing my X and whatever happens i will take all the control back and be entirely independent so its a WIN WIN for me

ps deliberately not heard X phone me x6 today .......not cross just not ready to talk to the prick,so therefore selectively deaf ,going to phone sol 2morrow and make an appointment.