ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

I only found out stuff ,cause other people told me then i spoke to H he still denied it FFS !
my counsellor said to me "how do you tell if i bloke is lying"
"His mouth is moving"
Just work on your own fabulosity.... protect yourself ...6 mths of a bumpy road [not all rawness you will have lots of laffs and find so much strength],but fasten your seat belt and start driving along your recovery road,you can start looking for the car keys tomorrow ...just chill 2nite xxxxxxx

Vg Patience about "his mouth is moving".

My xh was going to take a lie detector test to prove he was telling the truth..............it is endless the lengths they will go to to keep up the lies........

ps my counsellor is a bloke ,just kept me grounded thru all this

I wasn't on the thread when you first joined Starting but your story is so sad and painful and I can't believe the lengths your H went to to not be honest and keep lying to you.

It took me until 5 months after separation until my H finally told me the full truth But he is in no way as devious as your H I can't imagine being in your shoes Starting

morning all.

got my shorts on today ladies i don't know one session of davina and out the shorts come. seriously though my legs are so achey !!! think i over did it a bit

meant to be running a half marathon at the end of Aug don't think that will be happening though!!!

following your advice starting re cooking - the kids and i are sat down eating an omelette (a first for them but one my brekkie faves!!) had a slow start but they are getting thu it

tea i am dreading a revelation like that - the cyunic in me says he will try and keep in quiet until all finances and stuff are sorted.

going to try and live me my life as i hae always dreamt it be today - very organised and calm (we will see how long that lasts )

how are you this morning beebers

did we ever fnd out who the celeb was by the way,?????

mummylicious are still around???

waves at all other dumplings,

Happy both those dates look ok !

BB hope you have woken up feeling a little bit better theres been some great advice on here for you , if only there was a magic way of making that awful pain at the start recede but sadly only time can do that - hang in there.

Starting I agree with tea about your exha lie detector - extrordinary

Patience that sounds great hope your sums add up its great so hear all your positivity and energy !

Starting I do hope you are taking your laptop on holiday..So are you ok now about yesterdays stuff with exh ? Well not ok but calmer ?

Am feeling usual morning anxiety off to get grazia and cigs !

ooo forgot today my steps are:
practical phone mortgage people
emotional - davina and paint nails on feet and hands

My steps for the day... panic! It's my DD's 3rd birthday tomorrow and I need to buy food for the party, party bags stuff, a pass the parcel toy to wrap etc. I think I've been in denial about it all and now realise I've got a shed load to do today

Tea - why in denial is it the first birthday since the split ? Probably not helpful to say but I was in a mess on my DD birthday in March it just seemed to encapsulate everything that had been lost in our family and how torn we are. I think that you see your exh though dont you ? My situation was made worse by fact I wont see him so we had to share her .

Sorry thats all a bit heavy tea was probably just in denial over the need to go to ToysrUs What a lovely age 3 is they get sooo excited over everything .

My steps for today .. to get a grip ! I dont know why I am still in this slump and feeling so flat and listless.

Also depressed by the presence of my windowcleaner who asked me out when he found out about split and every time I see him I wonder what it is about me that made him think I would go out with him. Ever. Nothing to do with windowcleaning status btw.

I think I need to vent this. I cant help picturing what exh and ow are doing , I am saddled with a photographic memory so can picture every stick of furniture , every restaurant they are likely to go to etc etc. Why cant my overactive mind just close off from this ? I do not want to be back with exh so wtf does it matter where he is or what he is doing ? I am so pissed off that far from the 10 day breather from him being around that I thought this would be I am thinking about him MORE

i feel a little bit groggy today as the middle one was up in the night with a tummy ache. she had a swimming lesson yesterday and i think she drank a lot of the water. so no swimming lesson today.

i am waiting in for a wardrobe that i accidentally purchased when a little bit intoxicated a couple of weeks ago.

i have weekend to myself as he has the kids and have arranged to go out so might get my toes done. even though i know i need the break, i dread spending vast amounts of time by myself as i just brood on stuff.

still no admittance to other woman, have decided i am just going to try and accept that there is and get on with things. i am angry at myself for getting so upset last night, i need to start thinking about myself a little more. i look like a mess, my skin is disgusting. i don't look like much of a catch.

i have been given so much support on here, i am very grateful.xx

It wasn't about it being the first birthday since split as I'm feeling quite content now without him. He will come by for a while in the morning tomorrow to see DD. Party isn't until 3pm and he's not coming to that as I suggested it wasn't a good idea as the other mums won't want to talk to him, so it'd be awkward for him. I haven't been rude about him and no one knows the whole story who are coming but they all know he's left me for a 21 yr old and that doesn't look good no matter how you try and dress it.

My H is weak and pathetic and has no fight in him tbh. So I'm lucky there I suppose.

I was in denial as it's 1. a lot of money to buy buffet food and party bags 2. setting up and cleaning etc before everyone gets here 3. struggling right with motivation and fel tired constantly.

Beeber if you look at my thread when I first realised my H was never coming back to me, I lived in my pjamas and the kids lived off convenience foods. Don't be too hard on yourself right now. The beauty treatment sounds like a plan for the weekend x

Sorry typos: struggling with motivation right now and constantly feel tired.

Glad you are content tea . Hope you can muster some energy from somewhere and I personally am violently opposed to party bags but because everyone does them you feel you have to grrr. Have you got a cheap shop nearby maybe get 1 item same for everyone that doesnt cost much like a colouring book or something ? Wrap it up to make it seem more ?

Tea, young dc's don't care what's in the parcel when playing pass the parcel, it's just the fun of the game. I ususally just use things like colouring pencils or washable markers & they always go down a treat. Again party bags are just the novelty, a pack of crisps or popcorn with a few sweets & they'll be happy. Enjoy the party, 3 is such a great age.

Armbow, glad the food thing was of help. It made a huge difference here too as I think if you're eating healthly you'll all do a lot better. I now cook mostly the same as if xh was still here but I do enjoy the odd day of taking it easy & eating pizza's or sausages & crap . A lot of my friends do either full or half marathons & they are always on such a high after. Even if you don't make it this time I'm sure you'll do next one around, great to have something to aim for .

Getting, you are bound to be down with xh on holls at a place you used to go together. It's part of the grieving & perfectly normal. Just keep doing nice things for yourself. You gave me such a giggle about the window cleaner .

Tea, all of our stories are v sad & I think it's always a slow journey to accept reality. In hindsight the quest for truth set me back in recovery & the truth is I will never really know what exactly the truth was. I only know that the only way I got peace was from detaching from xh & grieving for the loss of my marriage.

Beebers, glad you are feeling more positive this morn. It'll prob be hard to begin with but I'm sure you'll grow to really enjoy the time away from dc's.

Tea I just read your thread and I think you are such an inspiration to have reached a place of contentment so quickly after those awful months of not knowing what was going on with your H and ow.
FWIW I think you did the right thing in trying to give him a chance because now you can say without a doubt that you gave your marriage your all but it wasnt to be.

He sounds like his life is a mess in every way but you have come through it all and are busy building a lovely life with your dcs

I think it's easier to move on in my situation than some other dumplings, as I do have roughly the truth now. He isn't contesting anything in the divorce and he doesn't give me a hard time. Also I have lots of friends and support, they were my friends long before he met them and they became joint friends and since we separated they have become my friends again, as he's too ashamed to see any of them or make an effort with them. So I suppose it helps me a lot to move on.

There are things that are hard but I guess the most important things are ok.

How are you now Getting?

my mood is not improved. i've just broken my frigging toe for the third time in six years. you would think for someone with such enormous feet i would be more careful what i walk into.

have spent last hour with foot in cold bath and have just strapped it up. am feeling extra sorry for myself now.

Oh no! Shouldn't you go and see someone Beebers?

they won't do anything did exactly the same thing two years ago and i just strapped it together.

the time i did it before that i had to have gas and air so they could reset it as it had come completely out of its socket and was facing the other way!

beebers!

You poor thing, not what you need right now

What I am realising is that logic is something I need to let go of in this recovery process.

I have been getting cross with myself thinking why are you feeling bad when you know exh ending the marriage was akin to putting an ancient labrador out of its misery. We were NOT happily married he had no respect for me or interest in me really etc etc so logically whats to mourn ?

But it doesnt work like that does it and reading so much on MN since I discovered it a month ago

I have seen that there is a lot to process and its ok to not always have to be on good form and coping brilliantly. Previously I would have felt really bad at spending all day messing about on a website but I am now giving myself permission to do so.

Thats not to say I am going to wallow in a pity party but just do as starting and others have said and be gentle on myself.

I have so much in my life to be happy and grateful for so as per Tea "things are hard but the most important things are ok". That will be rest of todays mantra

Beebers what a nightmare ..

Btw all my flitting around MN I think I know where you live now Starting

Actually I am worried I am turning into a MN stalker - promise not to look at any more old threads - to admit Starting I tried to find yours after you mentioned it the other day but was unable to !!

i am feeling a little better my new wardrobe has just been delivered that i purchased when drunk off ebay. its gorgeous. its tres chic and i know he would hate it as its shabby chic type thing. i am over looking the fact that its a bit small and will no tlet that bother me but am making note to self not to purchase things when drunk without realising what measurements are.

Loving the shorts AB,
You'll be cool ..Getting this is just a contemplation phase i think ,keep as busy as you can,read loads ,eat well and have fun ,do you like swimming or walking ,cant remember if youve got a dog Gettin'
where is partytime ?Wondered if she went to Zumba nite
BB ..bloody hell girl re toe ..ouch !Hope your wardrobe arrived .
Tea ...Ive never done a party bag in my life ...i buy ice cream and cones add two choc buttons and its a mickey mouse clubhouse cone LOL!Found a new game to play,musical statues on the trampoline ,trickier than you think LOL!
Waves to Mumfun x
Hugs to everyone x

God this thread is moving so fast.

Ive just read about the last 8 pages and am trying to keep up.

Need to go back to the page where starting told me how to go back pages without losing what Ive written.

This is just a quickie to say that I'm still here and keeping up but Ive lost all my concentration at the moment because Ive lost something very precious that someone left in my care and Ive spent 3 days looking for it and won't rest till I find it.

I can't think about much else and it's really getting me down as each day passes and it's not found.

Please please cross your fingers for me. it will take a mirracle.

I can't wait for a meet up. The last one was small but lovely. This one will be bigger I think.

I'll keep reading but not posting till Ive found the bloody thing.

LC what a lot you've been through.....unbelievable....you're a true surviver.

Beebers......try not to have contact with H.

He's a total wanker.

Feeding the DC junk is fine.......try to cut down on the shouting though cos it'll just make you feel even worse.