ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 5

[IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity.

*can you manage

Hi Tea, thanks. I have requested that the maintenance by paid by standing order but basically he has refused. Bottom line is he could cancel an SO too. However we do have a system here whereby maintenance can be collected by the court. I will talk to my solicitor tomorrow & let her deal with it. I have decided I am going to leave nothing interfere with my serenity or ruin my holiday. My account is going to go into minus by tomorrow & I'll have bills & direct debit's unpaid but I can resolve all this when I get back. Tbh I'm not sure what he thinks he's going to gain by this as there is a court order for the maintenance & the fact he is paying such low maintenance now it's going to look v bad for him to have done this! I have cut costs & saved as much as I could (overlooking my recent splurge), so tg I will be fine for holls .

Hi Mumfun, will you be able to get the money back from the council??

Hi Beebers, glad you're feeling better today, enjoy the festival.

Waves to everyone.......

Well I suppose that's something. I truly cannot believe the way your H behaves Starting Makes my soon to be ex h look like a saint.

[Sad] Starting. What a silly f**, it won't look good for him to do this And just a horrible thing for you to have to deal with.

Hello, dumplings. These men are unbelievable. Could we live with ourselves if we did stuff like this? I don't understand some people.

It's been another interesting weekend here. We had agreed to tell ds age 9 about splitting up today but the thought of it made me feel physically sick. XP and I talked properly last night and agreed that even if there was just a one in a million chance of making things work then we must try for everyone's sake. We love each other but have lost our way. I stayed in his hotel with him (too much wine again ) and we had the best sex ever - sorry if tmi.

But then this morning we heard that OW has left her H, saying she doesn't love him any more . Her H is not in a good place right now. Just to make things 10 x worse he is starting his new job tomorrow and guess where it is - for the same company as XP and OW. So all three working together tomorrow .

Forget Corrie and Eastenders, I feel like my life is one big soap opera right now! I've had a whole load of other crap going on too eg, Mum died suddenly; Dad diagnosed with cancer and dead a few weeks later; brother arrested for drink driving at 4 times over the limit then diagnosed as an alcoholic (surprise, surprise); ds age 20 seriously assaulted in Jan and needs 12-18 months reconstructive surgery on his face plus has to be a witness in Crown Court at trial of his assailant. You couldn't make it up!!! I think I might write a book or offer to script right for a soap...

write not right

Oh no Littlecritter!

Oh and forgot the breast lump in that lot! Plus XP running up massiVe credit card bills. And having an affair, how could I leave that off the list?! I tell you, there's no much left that could possibly go wrong for me . If I didn't laugh, I'd cry. Mind you, I have shed a few tears over the months. But today, it's just washing over me in a surreal way. No wonder the doc has signed me off with depression.

Well being signed off work right now has probably been a good thing Hopefully it's given you some head space.

What are you going to do about the work situation with your partner, OW and H? Where are you at today about it all, after the other night?

tea, right now I'm going to do a huge fat nothing! What's the point? I think I'll just watch and wait. So tired of all the drama. I think I'll just sit at home and do some sewing and ask them to report back next week. I've reached saturation point now.

Just off out for a carvery now. Certainly not cooking today. See you all later.

OMG LC you've had a terrible lot of stuff to deal with. Must have been terrible for you to have had to deal with the loss of both your parents so suddenly . What an awful thing to happen & then all the other stuff into the mix. I guess all you can do is take things a day at a time & see how it works out with dp. I think it is always better to be able to walk away from a marriage having no regrets so if you think there is a chance that you can work through this then it is certainly worth persuing. It might be a good idea to bump your old thread & seek the advice from people who have managed to work through this such as wwifn etc.

Tea & Happy, it has well & truly been established that my xh is a shit . So padded bra on, chin up [grin. Had a lovely time kite flying with dc's , house is clean & I'm just cooking a lovely roast for dinner so life is good..........

Hope ye're all having lovely weekends

Hi Tea

Littlecritter I am speechless at the complexities of your life at sex. The work thing sounds beyond belief , what are the chances and all that.. What a strong woman you are to be riding these awful things out -the only way is up.

Starting what a tosser your exh is . Hows the beanbag bearing up .Has he fallen on hard times or does he just pay the minimum and mess you about like this for his own entertainment ?

Well I have had a hangover today richly deserved , last nights party was nice but stood all night talking to a friend who kept topping me up. Anyway lots of male totty but all spoken for . My friends husband was showing me texts from his girlfriend but I know she is up to good as well - maybe being single isnt sooo bad !

lc..... omg what an awful set of circumstances. fwiw i think what you are doing is right - to take a step back ... at the end of the day there is no rule book for how to deal with this sort of stuff you can only do what you think is right,,, thinking of you.

starting mmmmm a roast sounds lovely. i used to love cooking when h was around but now because my children are quite young its all fish fingers and spag bol - boring !!!! i see no point in cooking an adult meal just for me !! what an ar*e re the money bouncing i am vvvv for you !

my day has been 50/50 i had a very good morning i went to town and bought myself a new pair of jeans because i have lost weight got home and h bought kids home. we got talking
(really should have learnt my lesson by now ffs!) and he happened to slip into into conersation that a mutual friend made a pass at him last night. he said he didn't know whether he was right to tell me but he thought i should know !!!

i hit back by telling him it was no concern of mine because i no longer love him anyway.

when he left i felt like shit. why does he tell me this stuff? he keeps telling me little tales of who is interested in him.

he is v good looking and he knows it and i hate to hear this kind of thing.

ladies please keep me dignified i feel like calling this cowbag up and f*cking screaming "you insensitive cow BACK OFF"

i think this is why i was so keen to find a man asap a few days ago - i know other women see h as a catch and my self esteem is so rock bottom as a result of me trying tog et him to love me that i feel like his poorer cousin - kind of as though people were looking at him and i all these years thinking he is FAR too good for her. this is how he used to make me feel and he still does by telling me stuff like this,

Armbow, if he made you feel like that during your marriage then that is not a good thing. I would suggest the next time he's over to don your new jeans & if he starts rambling on about who made a pass at him etc just turn around really casually as if talking to a small boy & say "look I haven't been telling you about all the people who have been trying to get into my knickers as I really don't feel it's appropriate for us to discuss these things as we're separated but best of luck with x anyway". Rise above, rise above, serene dumpling all the way.........

Also, I went through that stage of not cooking proper meals after xh left as dc's were so young & it was easier to avoid the battles of eating veg etc. However in order to make sure I eat healthly myself now I am back to cooking healthy dinners. Younger dc's are now used to it & I'm more able for the battle of veg with youngest .

Getting my xh has certainly been hit by the recession but saying that would prob blow what he gives me for the month in a good night out without giving it a second thought!!

What's the world coming to when your friend's husband thought it was ok to show you texts from his girlfriend . When you consider this it does indeed make us lucky to be single . Glad you had a nice night out anyway.

He's far too good for you? Good grief Armbow, who cares what he looks like, it's what's on the inside that counts and quite frankly with his previous behaviour, surely she's welcome to him? I know that sounds terrible and insensitive, as I remember feeling exactly as you do now - but honey you're worth far more than this twunt and he doesn't deserve you! not the other way around!

You need to make it clear that you're not best friends and you do not want to hear about his escapades in any shape or form. Honestly the audacity of this man!

Remember he maybe exagerating the "thing" between him and friend. It may all be a game to make you jealous. You were right to say what you did. Don't ring her, it may not even be true what he's claiming.

X posted with Starting.

it did cross my mind that it might be a white lie - but for what purpose i just don't get it.

it feels fake putting an effort into my appearance at the moment because he is so conceited that i think he will think it is just for his benefit anyway.

i want to cry i really do - i can't understand how i let it come to this, i was so confident when i was younger and it has been beaten out of me over the years.

Yes he's definitely worked your self esteem down to rock bottom

Have you thought of counseling? It's doing wonders for me.

Armbow, have a good cry for yourself & let it all out. You will get your confidence back quicker then you know. Just be really kind to yourself for now.

You ask what purpose, I could be off the mark but is it possible that even though he doesn't want you himself he absolutely does not want you with anyone else either. Or perhaps it's just another attack on your self confidence?

he has told me that he is going to hate it when i find another man, so i think this is the case, and probably also a way of knocking me down again. surely it can be no coincidence that he knocks me down whenever i am starting to get it together?? it is almost as though he can sense me moving on so says or does something to put me back in my place.
almost as though he controls my confidence??

i can't remember the last time he paid me a compliment (he certainly has not done this over the past 2 years which left me chasing his approval) but he is/was full of them for himself.

I remember saying to him in the last couple of weeks before he went for the last time that if he paid me compliments half as much as he paid them to himself i would be a lot happier person - none were forthcoming though.

can you get counselling through a gp? it can only be a positive help

sorry to be so negative ladies - bear with me i will get there. xxx

btw can i just ask re splitting assets is it normal to divide house sale 50/50 or does the primary caregiver usually get slightly more?

Yes that's it Armbow, that's exactly what I think he's doing. He needs to grow up.

Yes you can be referred through a GP. Or if a friend of a friend can recommend a good one, go with them instead. That's what I did.

As for assets; no idea as my solicitor is only reaching financial side now and my H is being fairly relaxed about it all, thank God.