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Original poster

I know where OW works and when she is on shift - shall I go and humiliate her?

209 replies

ShouldiOrNot · 23/06/2010 23:21

Fors -
I can see what she looks like
She can be made to look small and seedy
I can humiliate her by throwing a £10 fee as H obviously didnt pay her for her services
She will think twice about knowingly having sex with a married man again, hopefully
It will wind H up when he knows I know her and have confronted her
If all goes well my dc will know that to commit adultery has consequences

Againsts -
May be thrown out of the shop
Um....may lose my dignity or not get any words out above a squeak with anger

would you? I am tempted and have nothing to lose, and seriously it may make her think again.
H has been kicked to the curb and humiliated too btw so dont think i am just blaming her, im not. It's just she took something that did not belong to her and why not tell her?

Over to you jury ............

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 24/06/2010 22:10

err, I don't agree with that either

HappyWoman · 24/06/2010 22:36

I never did actually do much - although knowing you can gives you a kind of power.

I think if you do, make sure you will have no regrets later. I think i would make a big scene and say a very carefully rehersered piece and then leave with your head in the air.

If nothing else it will give you a story to pass on - i think thats what i regret - not having my story to tell my grandkids iyswim. Still I could always lie about that part of it couldnt i

Anniegetyourgun · 24/06/2010 22:43

You'd lie to your grandchildren? HW!

PrettyFeckinVacant · 24/06/2010 23:12

I would say no - and I have been in your position and I am so glad now that I didn't confront ow.

Everyone else is right - she didn't promise to love and honour you, your h did. He fucked things up - not her.

Also, you have no idea what he has said to her. He may have said he wasn't married. He may have said you were separating - you will never know.

Be dignified and turn your back on both of them

SolidGoldBrass · 24/06/2010 23:12

Not only do people who have been treated in the way OES suggests not feel shame, necessarily, they do have grounds for legal action. And the betrayed wife looks even more of a vindictive twat.
If you get dumped, deal with it. Move on. The relationship wasn't right - maybe because the unfaithful partner was the sort who's never going to be faithful, maybe because it had run its course, maybe because the dumped person is a PITA or horrible in some way. If you are dumped by someone who is a nasty person, consider yourself well rid of him/her.

secunda · 24/06/2010 23:15

You are right SGB, they can sue for defamation. Also, whatever lawyer recommended naming the OW in the divorce papers must have been laughing all the way to the bank. It serves no purpose and prolongs the divorce = more legal fees.

ChiefBrackenStomper · 24/06/2010 23:50

I would say you might regret whatever it is sounds amazing in your head now. Like people have said, she might not be the kind of person to take note that she's hurt your feelings.

My ex dumped me pregnant and I knew her so in a sense feel like she betrayed me as I trusted their friendship. Every situation is different, there really is no black or white solution. I did however, kind of confront her, but not to blame her, simply to warn her and remind her what a shit my ex was to dump me up the duff. She seemed to take it in.

mumblechum · 25/06/2010 00:01

God no, have some dignity.

My first h had an affair (well, sort of, it was only a couple of days later that he confessed & I left him) and I do know how tempting it would be to say something but I didn't & later people (inc my now husband who knew everyone involved!) remarked on how everyone admired the fact that I was dignified and civil to them both (v v small social circle & inevitably bumped into them a lot).

He ended up an alcoholic druggie and died 10 years ago which I was really quite sad about.

mumblechum · 25/06/2010 00:02

What a horrid idea to put pictures of the OW up calling her names.

minouminou · 25/06/2010 00:15

I'd probably do it, but then a nanosecond later I'd feel ridiculous and would relive it in inglorious technicolour for years.
Don't do it.

StarOfValkyrie · 25/06/2010 00:22

No don't do it. It shows it/she has got to you. And to be fair, she doesn't know you and may not even know your dh is married and if she did, you don't know what lies he told her to make her believe the affair was legit.

She didn't do anything anywhere NEAR as bad as your dh. The poor cow might be under the impression that she has found the man of her dreams and that he is about to leave you any minute. Pitty her that her self-esteem hangs on other people's men and she can't get one of her own, but don't engage with her. It makes you look bitter when you need to look unbothered.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/06/2010 06:51

Yes, my ex did actually have an OW who didn't know he was still living with me, he told her we had split up..I then turned up to his work to say hello once, not knowing about the affair, and asked for him, her face was a picture......poor girl really.

RareBird · 25/06/2010 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 09:22

In your OP you make it clear that you want your husband to know that to commit adultery again will have serious consequences..... hmmmm. For who?! Have you made the decision already to forgive him for betraying you? The outlet for your anger needs to be somebody who owes you nothing (and I get that you're angry -you should be). But your language seems to suggest that you're planning to make a fuss, lose your temper and carry on.

You won't humiliate the OW, your husband will just see YOU making a big fuss over him! Fighting for your maaan {tammy winnette voice].

Don't do it.

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 09:24

OH! sorry, you've got rid of him. Well done.

I think naming a woman in a divorce is a much better 'revenge'. Would that show up on a back ground check? Just wondering? If every small company she ever works for will know? God I'd almsot feel sorry for a woman with that hanging over her. I'd be really ashamed to have been named in somebody else's divorce.

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 26/06/2010 09:38

Do you really think it would shame her or would she not care?

I know her first name, where she works and her road but cant get any other info so am a bit stuck to know how to find out her address apart from seeming like i am stalking her!
H says I dont need any other info as he has admitted it so I dont need to name her and tbh if she has to get sent anything that has any of mine or dc details on then I probably best leaving her out of it.

OP posts:
Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 09:47

I think so. Can you ring the shop and ask for Jenny's sur name. Say you want to post her an invite. Say you're from Lancome or Teflon or North Face or what ever is applicable.

Anniegetyourgun, I can identify with your x wanting you to be dishonest! I used to live at say 64 zoo lane and there was also a 64 zoo road, and they were really close to each other.. I used to take their post 'round to them, and that used to exasperate my x. 1) he couldn't be bothered going out of his way for another human being he didn't know, just to do the right thing, and 2) it really annoyed him that I couldn't not do that.

Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 09:50

Obviously I meant to say "jenny" .

Wrt the 'would it shame her' question, I think sometimes people don't have the emotional range so to speak to understand the bigger picture when they are young or living a single carefree lifestyle. Fast forward ten years and maybe they get it. More than get it. And it's always going to be there, in black and white.

It depends on your own moral compass of course., but I think there aren't that many people who would be totally blase about that.

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 26/06/2010 09:55

Wish she was a young thing but she is about 45, with children of her own and yes to other questions she knew he was married with children(as did he!!!), yes we were separated-a few weeks, not ages- and I dont know what he told her, and they are not still together so he says.

OP posts:
Magalyxyz · 26/06/2010 10:08

Wow... well your solicitor would be able to get her sur name quite easily I'm sure. I'd name her in the divorce. Why not?

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 26/06/2010 10:14

The only reasons I wouldnt is if it meant she got any of mine and dcs info (names/address) on the documents she was sent, and if it would hold up the divorce if she had to reply to something and couldnt be bothered. It would annoy me beyond belief to give her any power over my life IYSWIM to hold things up

OP posts:
EcoMouse · 26/06/2010 10:28

You were separated, then he started seeing someone else? If that is the case, she isn't an OW and it would be completely unreasonable to approach her.

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 26/06/2010 10:56

As long as someone is married then by definition sleeping with another woman makes that woman the other woman. So are you saying if you are separated then sleeping with someone if not adultery?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 26/06/2010 10:59

I realise you could well be right even if it sounds odd to me! and that will help if i know for sure. Have solic appt this week so it will be clarifield then

OP posts:
Gay40 · 26/06/2010 11:20

I wouldn't give a toss if I was named in a divorce, unless it was my own.

Neither would I care if some demented harridan barged into my workplace and threw insults about "stealing my "

I'd just laugh and think - no wonder their P was looking elsewhere.