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Original poster

I know where OW works and when she is on shift - shall I go and humiliate her?

209 replies

ShouldiOrNot · 23/06/2010 23:21

Fors -
I can see what she looks like
She can be made to look small and seedy
I can humiliate her by throwing a £10 fee as H obviously didnt pay her for her services
She will think twice about knowingly having sex with a married man again, hopefully
It will wind H up when he knows I know her and have confronted her
If all goes well my dc will know that to commit adultery has consequences

Againsts -
May be thrown out of the shop
Um....may lose my dignity or not get any words out above a squeak with anger

would you? I am tempted and have nothing to lose, and seriously it may make her think again.
H has been kicked to the curb and humiliated too btw so dont think i am just blaming her, im not. It's just she took something that did not belong to her and why not tell her?

Over to you jury ............

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 23/06/2010 23:39

Please don't do it.

You will not embarrass her. You will just loose your dignity and look like a mad woman.

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 23/06/2010 23:39

oh no he is dumped no doubts there

OP posts:
secunda · 23/06/2010 23:40

Are they together then?

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 23/06/2010 23:42

Apparently not. But who knows?Not me but then am only the wife.

So can a wronged wife NEVER get the better of the OW apart from keeping silent do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 23/06/2010 23:43

VintageWarrior - you busy tommorrow night? Fancy joining me?!

OP posts:
MrsSawdust · 23/06/2010 23:44

Her colleagues will in all likelihood side with her and unite against you.

She will feel justified in her actions because her lover's wife really did turn out to be a mad, vindictive bitch, just like he said she was.

Save yourself the pain. Move on with your head held high.

Her comeuppance will be when he cheats on her. Cheats always do.

secunda · 23/06/2010 23:45

no it's just one of those shit things.

Tbh though, and there has been some debate about this on here, I can never see why people expect to be prioritised by a total stranger (ie OW). Maybe that is because I'm misanthropic and never expect any good of anyone. but if someone fancied my dp and he went for it, I wouldn't expect ow to abstain on my behalf, I'm nothing to her

ninah · 23/06/2010 23:46

play fair, you have had hundreds of nos and only one yes!

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 23/06/2010 23:48

ok, how about a slightly shocked "Oh YOU'RE Felicity are you" when paying with my card with married surname on - she is bound to click and I haven't said anything much. Then go off with a little smirk.

Is that ok? Purleeeaasee

OP posts:
secunda · 23/06/2010 23:49

bit playgroundish, sorry

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 23/06/2010 23:50

true, but it's oh so tempting

OP posts:
ninah · 23/06/2010 23:51

don't put yourself through it! if shagging a married man was an issue for her she wouldn't be the ow, would she?
I do know how you feel, my ex's gf was barmaid and I was tempted on occasion to make a scene
soo glad now I didn't

Original poster
ShouldiOrNot · 23/06/2010 23:52

oh well, seriously thanks for your opinions it's always good to see what others think.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 23/06/2010 23:52

Stay away.

You will look like a loon and it will only reinforce anything that she has been told by your H.

Not even to have a look.

MrsSawdust · 23/06/2010 23:53

Secunda talks sense.

The OW does not know you. She has no obligations to you. She was pretty stupid to get involved with a married man, for her own sake; but she did not betray you. Only he did.

MrsSawdust · 23/06/2010 23:57

And don't go just to torture yourself about what she looks like. It's irrelevant.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 24/06/2010 00:19

Actually, I'd say "yes" to the "You're Felicity" and the smirk, but only if you're absolutely certain you could/would walk away... I, personally, am not sure I could, I think it would lead to more confrontation. So, sorry, no to that too.

I understand your desire, but as someone else already said, living well is the best revenge. Don't let either of them see how upset you are. The future is a wide open space for you now!

Mummiehunnie · 24/06/2010 00:27

I would not do it at her work, but if it releases some of your anger, it is better that it be relased towards her than towards your nearest and dearest, if it is going to help you feel better, do something, but be more inventive than doing it to her at her work!

So what if she and her mates think you are a nutter for doing it, she will have convinced herself of that anyways, and what do you care about her thoughts on you, you know she is someone who could not care about someone else's marriage! as for her friends, yes they will support her to her face, I wonder if they will when they get home and laugh at her!

I wish you well, it is horrible to be cheated on when you are married with children, I hope that you manage to release your anger in a healthy way, that you can live with long term!

ps, I got revenge on ow, and years later, I am so delighted that I did it, I don't regret it for a moment, she was convinced I was a nut job anyways, and she ended up falling for more of his lies and making herself miserable, I wonder what her mates will think when she confides in them how miserable he is making her and how she now thinks that he did this to me also... that time will come, more fool her!

SolidGoldBrass · 24/06/2010 00:34

Remember that you've already got 'revenge on her. You're rid of a man who wasn't right for you, now she's lumbered with him. Think of all the worst things about him, whether that's smelly farts or an unnatural devotion to his Lego models of Star Wars, and imagine her having to put up with them while you are having a fine old time doing what you want, when you want.

thumbwitch · 24/06/2010 00:43

Don't do it, chances are you will come out the worst of the encounter. Even if she does get embarrassed, all that will happen is her colleagues will rally round her and you will be the bad guy. There is no "win" for you in this situation.

Tortington · 24/06/2010 00:47

for the life of me i never ever understand the hatred for the other woman.

your husband betrayed and humiliated you, he broke everything you had and worked for. if you have children h- he didn't think about them, the effect that your now fucked up relationship will invariably have on htem.

if i was going to do anything.

i would shit in HIS car...on a hot day.

thumbwitch · 24/06/2010 00:51

CUsty, I suppose (speaking from experience) that it is a complex emotion made up of
"what has she got that I haven't"
"how dare she sleep with a married man"
"if she wasn't there he couldn't have had an affair/gone off with her"
misplaced anger because there is no emotional attachment to her, only to him, so it's easier to be angry with her.

It's not straightforward. But I like your idea!

Sammyuni · 24/06/2010 00:57

Depends on your personality for some they would feel bad about it after, but who are we kidding you might feel so much better about yourself after.

You have to truly look within yourself to find out whether you will benefit from it.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 24/06/2010 01:49

The OP is perfectly entitled to hate the OW, just as much as she hates her H. Both are complicit in causing misery to her and her DCs.
It matters not that the OW was a stranger. I imagine the OP couldn't knowingly conspire to cause a stranger and her children pain. Your feelings and contempt are perfectly understandable and justified, OP.

Not all OW are told, or have to believe, that the betrayed wife is a lunatic harridan in order to justify their behaviour. This just lets women off the hook again. There are lots of OW who don't need any justification for having sex with an attached man - and feel no guilt whatsoever for their behaviour. The notion that OW are always victims of male lies is sexist. No-one suggests that OM need any such excuses or lies in order to have sex with a married woman.

That said, don't do what you suggest OP.

The aim is to do things that will allow you to heal and keep your dignity.

In any case, any revenge needs to be undertaken cleverly and with style. You would have to have some chutzpah to do it, but I rather liked the suggestion I once read about on MN that you deliver her your H's collection of Action Men/figurines of the Royal Family/pile cream - and do it with a smile!

If you ever come into contact with her, planned or unplanned though, don't come across as a victim. Treat her with contempt by all means, but effect the demeanour that your standards in life are much higher than hers and that you wouldn't trade places with her for a pension.

secunda · 24/06/2010 02:01

I suppose I just don't expect much of people in general. We all ignore the suffering of others all around us every day because it's not really our problem - someone having an affair with your DH is just an extension of that. People are intrinsically selfish. How many people would return a purse full of cash? How many people would leave a note after crashing into a parked car if no one saw? A minority. That's just what most people are like. Everyone's out for themselves. Getting worked up about it is just pointless. Trying to get your own back is just reinforcing your own sense of inferiority. They don't give a shit.

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