dp is going on a stag night and the stag wants to go lap dancing, how the hell can i tell dp i have a problem with this without looking like a jealous control freak??

[superv1xen]

ok you lot are going to think i am mad. and, most probably the jealous control freak mentioned in my thread title

i have barely slept last night and i am utterly depressed today.

last night dp's mate text him to ask him to confirm he is going on his stag do in june. (which i have no problem with dp going on btw) to which dp replied yes, then his mate text back something along the lines of "woop woop there will be lapdancing involved"...the reason i know what the texts said is because dp laughingly showed me as if it was funny!

i bit my lip and didn't say anything but i was silently fuming and devastated at the thought that dp could think this ok.

if he so much as goes in one he will come home to his bags packed. seriously, it will end our relationship. and it would be even worse if they went in one and kept it a secret.

i am so against these places, for so many reasons. they are exploitative of women for one but from a personal point of view i AM jealous at the thought of him going in a place like that. would like to think that the only person dp would like to see naked is me. am i naive or what? i love him that much he is the only one i want to see naked in front of me, he is the only one i want to turn me on (because tell me what man wouldnt get turned on by lapdancers?), is it too much to ask to want him to feel the same?

ok i know that while in a relationship it is normal and healthy to find other people attractive but i really think that ogling naked girls and having them shove their tits in his face in a bar is going a step too far.

god i feel sick, i could cry. i am questioning him, i am questioning our whole relationship. we have been together nearly 3 years and have a one year old together, it isn't just a casual thing, sorry to ramble, i dont know what to think

We have disagreed on this several times now, I think

Let's agree to disagree. I am right and you are wrong right.

this lapdancing bollocks is boring now, innit

what are your thoughts on denim mini-skirts over the age of 40 ?

I used to feel exactly the same way as the OP, almost sick to the stomach with jealousy that he wanted to look at these women and would probably get turned on.

Now I'm older, I really couldn't care less if he ogles these women. They are just like porn: not real, and anyway they all have horrendous fake boobs these days which just look silly. I also like to look at porn sometimes, doesn't mean I'm going to run off into the sunset with someone else. Same with a male stripper...a nice body to look at and then go home. Maybe a little turned but that can be a good thing!

But the main point is that it is not his choice..if he opts out, he will look and feel crap in the eyes of his mates...yes they are all still 14 (mentally!)

Try not to worry so much...it means nothing and he's being open about it with you with is something that should make you feel comfortable.

I am not planning to, LeQ !

It was just the first thing that popped into my head

Supervixen. Don't worry about him going to a lap dancing club, I've been to one! It was Stringfellows, I was the only woman in the place, and I was surprised to see that the 'ladies' took some of the men into other rooms and took off all their clothes, and gyrated some more for money (well you get the picture) I thought it disgusting, but the men liked it. If he's going to a lap dancing club it can't be as bad as that. Check it out, are the girls just dancing on tables or are their other things on offer?
Don't worry, at least he has told you he's going to a Lap dncing club, preety honest if you ask me, he didn't need to tell you did he?.

Is that supposed to make the OP feel better Complimentary?

Interesting too that the word ladies had speech marks, but the men - the actual consumers taking part in these "disgusting" activities - get no moral judgement applied to them.

I'd have put speech marks round the word "men" because real men actually think with their brains and work out that these places are exploitative of both employees and punters.

"But the main point is that it is not his choice..if he opts out, he will look and feel crap in the eyes of his mates...yes they are all still 14 (mentally!)"

Then he (and his mates) need to grow up.

A real man has too much respect for women to objectify by visiting places like this. A real man also has the balls to tell his mates that he doesn't want to go/isn't going to a LD club, no matter how much they may ridicule him.

complimentary...did you mean to be quite so dense ?

well, i think YABU to become so hysterical over it.
hes going to a club where girls dance naked for money. i know a girl who lapdances. she is very lucky in that she calls the shots. she isnt a drug addict, she isnt orced to do it, she does it because she wants to and because she's good at it. what would you say to this girl?
i like to see my DH naked, am i 'objectifying' him? i do not 'own' him after all.
men and women are sexual objects. we are also objects of love and hate and anger and passion.

supporting the industry:
by wearing clothes you support the fashion industry, by which models starve themselves in order to be thin enough.
by eating certain foods and shopping in certain shops, you support child labour.
by having a partner or child in the army and supporting them , you are supporting war. war is DEATH.
nothing is safe. whatever industry you buy into, you are supporting someone else unhappiness.
so dont give me this 'customers support the objectification of women' bullshit. you cant complain about the sex industry and then support other industries who do damage. [well, this is Mumsnet after all, 90% of the people on here seem to think a blowjob is degrading. get your heads out of your arses.]

a psychiatrist earns money off people having mental health issue.
a vet earns money of your pet being in pain.
why is the sex industry so different? every industry supports addiction and abuse, if you just look a tiny bit further than the end of your horrified noses.

smallwhitecat, its not to be ashamed of.
i dont think many men do get stimulation from lapdancing. but if my DH has some 'me' time with his hand or a porn mag, who am i to deny him that?
there's nothing wrong with being jealous but i think hysterical cries of betrayal arent fair on anyone.

I would object to mypartner going to a lap dancing club because my self esteem is HIGH.

I am worth more than some scummy misogynist who uses his friends as an excuse to visit sex workers whilst maintaining a monogamous relationship.

If someone is monogamous with me - they are damn well monogamous. Someone else's tits in their face, unless it's rapidly followed by "no thank you, I have a girlfriend", is not acceptable and I do not accept that sort of ridiculously adolescent behavior.

Britfish, the only thing I can say about your needlessly ranty post is...

if you think 90% of people on MN think blowjobs are degrading you haven't read any threads on a Friday night carefully enough

so have I, LeQ

and I have experimented more since joining MN than at any other time too

BritFish your arguments are shit. And at the heart of them is the get out of jail free card that anyone who behaves badly would like to hold, that it doesn't matter how I behave because it makes no difference, the world is bad anyway. It's bollocks.

don't worry, LeQ, I won't be regaling you with any intimate details

I wouldn't worry LeQ, I'm doing very little in that dept. at the moment, poor DH is trying though, bless him.
The Chiropractor is having more physical contact with him then I am.

And Britfish - do fuck off.