would you go on a date with this guy?

[oneorboth]

SO I WAS ON a dating site a while ago. spoke to this guy a bit, though he was ok, swapped numbers, within two days he was constantly texting wanting to know where i worked, what i was up to. kept calling me hun (!!!!!) telling me he was dreaming about me.
i did not like it so did not reply and blocked him.

move forward to now. i joined back up to the site and he emailed me straight away. My taste is men is terrible and i very much go for the bad boy bastard type. he is not this type so i thought i would chat to him.
hes still got my number and he is texting all the time. if i dont reply he then texts things like ' have i done something wrong?' or ' have i upset you' and then he would like to see me but he doesnt get his way. and all his texts are just so pesamitic and moody. then he is all gushy and calling me amazing and beautiful and stuff.

but, im trying to be open about people. still i think he is a needly pleb.

i have loosley arranged date with him next week but dont really want to go. i already cancelled one this weekend with him as i coiuldnt be bothered.

then the other day he asked me why i stopped talking to him the other time as he had put in so much groundwork.

man radar is crap right now. but this seems weird to me. or am i the weird one?

and should i meet him for a date? and if i dont how do i tell him no and to leave me alone?

well its not broken really. its just that i have a very definate type that i like but that i know are not right for me and im trying to be open to other types of men.

the above is not typical bad boy behaviour. but i still think its wrong and i should not meet him.

but i sort of want my reasons for not meeting him to be valid, not beacuse he is not my type ifswim.

which is why i was asking/checking as there is an awful lot of good advice on this board.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Don't meet him. Don't even think about it.

Bothering you with an overdose of texts?
Dreaming about you/ gushy/ moody?
Implying you owe him somehow?
RUN.

This is seriously weird and don't communicate with him any more. Tell him to stop texting and trying to get in touch. Then see if you can block communication from him through your phone and on the dating site. Then don't reply to anything he sends you. At all. Nothing.

Definitely don't do it!

He's needy, whingey and manipulative - what good could possibly come of it?

Take some time for yourself.

Trust your instincts, they are usually right. You feel uncomfortable with his actions already so why give him the go ahead to pursue you further?

He sounds very needy, possessive etc. I would stay well clear.

No no no

fuck no, you will be pulling your bunny out of the boiling pot if he carries on

delete, ignore, ignore

he has issues

the very fact that you couldn't be bothered to go on a date with him speaks volumes about the way you feel about him.

He sounds like a control freak to me, but even on the offchance he is a nice man, don't you think HE deserves someone who fancies him?

Can I second: Noooooooooooooooooooooo. Dont meet him.

I can see why you might be tempted to go way down the other end of the scale as far away from bad boys as you can but there are heaps of men nicely in the middle so no need.

If this guy is like this now, imagine what he'd be like a month down the line!!!

That said, dont keep arrnaging date swith him and cancelling, its not fair on this poor sap.

In fact, text him and tell him exactly why you are not interested and why, in a nice way. He might be a bit cooler with the next poor woman he sets his sights on!

Dear oneorboth

Please don't go, he sounds scary.

Regards

baluchi

yeah - i thought it was a bit weird myself.
i said i was ill on the weekend, then busy and couldnt get a sitter until next week. i thought maybe he might calm down and id give it a bit of time.
then he came up with the idea that i didnt need a sitter and he would just come round here and we could get takeaway and wine.
i said no and he said he was a bit offended but could sort of understand.

ive got an important event next weekend which he knows about. its invitation only and he keeps hastling me to get invited as my date. ive told him no so many times and that its just not happening but he asks at least once every other day.

i think it would be a disaster, but like i said i wanted to check that it wasnt me being rubbish at judging things.

so - how on earth do i tell him to leave me alone??

Do not touch this man with a bargepole. Seriously.

A lovely non weirdo will be along at some point.

Nooooo its even worse now youve posted again. What kind of freak would want to come to the invite event??!!! A first date is all about getting to know each other and working out of there's enough of a spark to invest more time in each other. Sounds like he thinks he's your boyfriend already... creepy.

And as for asking to come to your house when your kids are home... WTF? No one in their right mind would think a woman would go for that!

Eww. delete. ignore. move on.

Uh oh, some serious red flags here, needy, pushy, guilt tripping,( have i upset you is an attempt to make you feel guilty ) clearly doesnt respect your boundarys at all, hes bad news.
You dont need to explain ANYTHING to him , just state youve changed your mind about dating at this stage, thats it. I really would recommend setting some boundarys for yourself before you think about dating.

he sounds quite scary. suggest you say to him in whatever format you want (text or phone, wouldn't meet him) and say "Really sorry but you are wanting to take things too fast. We haven't met but you text me incessantly and even want me to take you to an important event as my date. I feel that I have made a misjudgment, that we have very different boundaries and that it is time to draw a line under things now. Best wishes oneorboth."

He will undoubtedly reply, and you have to allow him the courtesy of doing so - then yo can respond to whatever needy thing he says with a "sorry but my mind is made up. please don't contact me again." then you block his number so you don't know if he is sending you texts. if you can't for any reason, you ignore ignore ignore. NEVER respond to him again. does he know where you live??

Text him in caps. DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH ME AGAIN. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN PURSUING A RELATIONSHIP OF ANY KIND WITH YOU. I WILL NOT RESPOND TO ANY MORE COMMUNICATION FROM YOU. Then stop communicating with him.

You don't owe him anything, Oneorboth, not even politeness or tact. In fact, politeness and tact will not get your message across, they will just give him an idea that you're a soft target, and it's really important to tell him clearly what must happen. The clearer the better. You owe this to yourself.

You should never tell someone where you live or give details of any upcoming plans or reveal their location. There are some seriously weird people on the net, and this is one of them.

yes he is a needy pleb but in the beginning he was asking questions - reasonable in getting to know someone and making conversation - why did you just ignore him? You should have phoned or bare minimum text him to tell him you weren't interested

After ignoring him, I take it he left you alone eventually? As you say, he still had your number - so once he realised you weren't interested, he stopped??

And then to start it all over again?? Why? you didn't like him the first time, you won't be liking him the second time

Just have the balls to tell him you would rather he didn't contact you - whether you tell him he is a needy pleb or just say it's you, stop leading him on

It's horrible to be ignored, then answered, then ignored again - it's a bit of a game play and it isn't nice

No, there are lots of red flags here. He's way too full on and pushing far too hard, as well as the guilt tripping and the hassling for the invitation, inviting himself over with wine. This man is not normal.

He sounds very weird and unpleasant. Definitely avoid. And I agree that if you're thinking of dating someone like this then you need to step back a bit. Think about the qualities a good partner would have for you (perhaps even make a list?) and look for someone like that.

In future, please don't give your number to a complete stranger

And learn the lesson you don't have to be nice to someone who is bothering you.

He sounds like a loon, but you have been giving mixed messages.

Your message should be clear...fuck off should cover it.

i ignored him as i thought he was a needy pleb and he was annoying me.
he wasnt just asking where i worked he was asking constantly about it. i was not happy giving out my work details to someone online who i had not met.
i did not feel the need to text him to tell him to leave me alone as we had literally chatted for a few days max.

that and a very very bad boy came along and distracted me.

this is now quite a few months down the line. he got back in contcat with me. and im trying to be open to different types of men thought it was harmless to chat online. but i had forgotten what he was like. yes he did eventually stop texting me, but he has sent me a few in the meantime, which i have just ignored.

i dont think just chatting is leading him on. not online anyway. i ve never spoken to him on the phone.

i do think he is acting like he thinks he is my boyfriend or something and i dont like it.

Ignore the above and listen to Math.

This guy has not behaved in any manner of normal - in fact, he's already obsessive, possessive & smashing through your boundaries. Avoid. Be clear, this is no time to act sensitive.

His behaviour sounds worrying - I'd be feeling very claustrophobic by his chasing, and suggest you cut off all contact with him. I think GoingPostal's advice is good.

Good luck, I hope someone nice comes along for you soon.

cut contact. As long as you're sure he doesn't know where he lives, you can change your phone number and simply block him from your dating profile.

how is it mixed messages if it is 8 months down the line?