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Original poster

would you go on a date with this guy?

155 replies

oneorboth · 21/04/2010 18:00

SO I WAS ON a dating site a while ago. spoke to this guy a bit, though he was ok, swapped numbers, within two days he was constantly texting wanting to know where i worked, what i was up to. kept calling me hun (!!!!!) telling me he was dreaming about me.
i did not like it so did not reply and blocked him.

move forward to now. i joined back up to the site and he emailed me straight away. My taste is men is terrible and i very much go for the bad boy bastard type. he is not this type so i thought i would chat to him.
hes still got my number and he is texting all the time. if i dont reply he then texts things like ' have i done something wrong?' or ' have i upset you' and then he would like to see me but he doesnt get his way. and all his texts are just so pesamitic and moody. then he is all gushy and calling me amazing and beautiful and stuff.

but, im trying to be open about people. still i think he is a needly pleb.

i have loosley arranged date with him next week but dont really want to go. i already cancelled one this weekend with him as i coiuldnt be bothered.

then the other day he asked me why i stopped talking to him the other time as he had put in so much groundwork.

man radar is crap right now. but this seems weird to me. or am i the weird one?

and should i meet him for a date? and if i dont how do i tell him no and to leave me alone?

OP posts:
GoingPostal · 21/04/2010 18:41

ok, so he doesn't know where you work, or live, or have your landline no?

but he does have your mobile no. he's never called you on that - if he did what does your vm message say - your first name, full name? just because I suspect he may not go away once you spell it out to him that you don't want anything to do with him, so make sure you have thought about eg voicemail before you tell him.

(can't believe by the way that you've never actually spoken to him but he wants to come to your house / go to important event with you....)

aSilverLining · 21/04/2010 18:45

Bloody hell he sounds like a right nutter.

He is seriously pushing boundaries and trying to force himself into your life, he sounds rather creepy TBH. Block him from contacting you definately.

Sounds like your radar is working fairly well, you just need to listen to your instincts and actually act on them rather than going along with something that deep down you know is not wise (bad boys, and staying in contact with this weird one for example).

scaredoflove · 21/04/2010 18:45

the 'bad boy' thing is sounds like you are 15!

Chatting and giving your number and I presume some texts? from you is telling this man you wanted contact. Saying you might go on a date is also telling him you wanted contact

Ignoring him is mean, so he may be clumsy or he may be a total idiot - stop with the games

Tell him you aren't interested and you would like him to stop contacting you, no need to be nasty to him, just be firm

And stop with the this bad boy thing - you will only end up hurt

AnyFucker · 21/04/2010 18:45

Of course it is mixed messages...he is a weirdo so already reading lots of unsaid stuff from your "chats"

You acknowledged that already...so why not acknowledge you have given him mixed messages ?

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 21/04/2010 18:48

Just say that you are sorry but he's going way too fast for you and that you would prefer not to persue things any further.

Original poster
oneorboth · 21/04/2010 18:52

he does not know where i live, or work or landline number. voicemail message is just the standard one.

i think when he texts later, as im sure he will ill just say im sorry but its all a bit quick. and that im taking some time out. then will block his profile.

and i am trying very hard to stop the bad boy thing. VERY HARD.

thanks i knew i would get some good advice

OP posts:
Pronoia · 21/04/2010 19:00

No. Don't tell him iot's all a bit quick and that you are 'taking time out'

It's cruel.

I know he's weird but he's never actually hurt you, or tried to, and he doesn't deserve to be strung along by someone too wimpy to be honest.

Stop being a coward, tell him you are sorry, but you aren't interested and are looking for someone very different, you don't need to go into details, don't respond to any further messages and (and this is the important bit) make yourself non-contactable.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2010 19:03

SOH...I vote for nasty, personally

Am not sure he will take any talk of "taking time out" seriously and it will just keep him hanging on

MrsC2010 · 21/04/2010 19:03

Big no from me.

Original poster
oneorboth · 21/04/2010 19:05

tbh i kind of dont get why i need to tell him anything. ive not ever met or spoken to the man.
ive only been in contact with him just over a week.

i know that sounds horrible but its sort of true. its no different to being friendly and chatting on here.

OP posts:
displayuntilbestbefore · 21/04/2010 19:06

Oo-er, this sounds horrible.
Don't contact this man and don't respond to any communication you get from him either.
I didn't think that giving your number to men on internet sites was advised tbh - probably to avoid this sort of thing

I agree with AF and Pronoia - telling him you want to take time out will only make him think there's a chance for something to resume once you've had time out and you could find he hangs around for a veerry long time which would be v unpleasant IMO.

scaredoflove · 21/04/2010 19:10

stop being such a coward and game player

You have obviously answered him in some way if you had arranged a possible date

It isn't nice to ignore him, he will only continue to contact you

text him - really sorry but I don't want to continue this friendship. I wish you well, take care

That is all you have to do

Original poster
oneorboth · 21/04/2010 19:16

but why do i actually have to do that.

why? ive never met him. i have never spoken to him. we have just exchanged a few emails and he has text me a lot.

with regards to the date i said i might be free next week but would let him know. he hadnt set anything up.

im not a game player but i dont really see why i should tell him anything. i have blocked him online now and ill maybe tell him im sorry but im not interested when he texts and thats it.

OP posts:
scaredoflove · 21/04/2010 19:20

you do it because it is polite! and clear and no chance of mixed messages.

Is this how the 'bad boys' treat you? This isn't normal behaviour

Pronoia · 21/04/2010 19:34

It's not normal to treat people like they are disposable, and only behave humanely towards them when they fit your model of attractive.

You have been corrosponding with this man through a dating website. It is not unreasonable of him to ask you out for dates when you have been talking to him via text.

HIS expectations of YOU are not reasonable, but that doesn't mean you neglect basic standards of human behavior when dealing with someone who has in no way harmed you.

Cut contact by all means. Don't be a dishonest twat about it.

mathanxiety · 21/04/2010 19:52

The reason you need to do it is because he is acting as if he is your boyfriend (as if you are his girlfriend actually). And he is not, is he?

"i have never spoken to him. we have just exchanged a few emails and he has text me a lot." -- It's the volume of texts, and the determination, and the tendency to manipulate and apply pressure that he has shown in trying to get into your life, that is ringing the alarm bells. Those qualities are not healthy.

There are plenty more fish in the sea, really.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2010 20:04

OP, you don't sound very nice

Original poster
oneorboth · 21/04/2010 20:13

i am nice. too nice actually.

but have any of you actually dated recently. do you have any idea how much things have changed?

ive blocked him and will say sorry not interested. he has already text me twice in the last 30 mins.

i dont owe him anything.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/04/2010 20:18

If you have agreed to meet him next week, then you do owe it to him to tell him you have changed your mind

Dating may have changed, but nobody told me that good manners has...

Pronoia · 21/04/2010 20:18

I was dating until last year, and I'm in my twenties. I don't know how things have changed because I only know how they are now, and even now it isn't acceptable to string someone along and then vanish, even if they are a nutter. In fact, it's an even WORSE idea now than it ever was, as it's so easy to trace people via google/facebook.

Passive is not the same as nice. Be assertive about what you want from men and the wrong'uns will stop showing their slimy hides. In the meantime, deal with them firmly, clearly, politely and IMMEDIATELY.

Original poster
oneorboth · 21/04/2010 20:32

i hadnt agreed to meet with him next week. i just said i might be free.

i will sent a polite text reply later or tomorrow that i dont want to continue the friendship but wish him well in the future.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/04/2010 20:36

you know he is a nutter...the reply you gave would have been a green light for him

anyway, you have a good plan now, so good luck in shaking him off

Original poster
oneorboth · 21/04/2010 20:41

oh i know that to be true.
saturday i had said i was free but he didnt actually ask me out and we didnt confirm anything.
so i decided i wouldnt go his constant texting was annoying me along with the rest of the things.
sat afternoon came and he texted me to ask what our plans were. when i text back what plans? he had a go at me as i had backed down on him.
when i said we hadnt arranged anything he said that i had told him i might be free and that he took that as meaning i would see him, though he hadnt even asked.

he is a nutter.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 21/04/2010 20:42

I'm guessing a bad boy (ffs grow up) will come along soon and give the OP something to complain about.

Strike some middle ground for crying out loud

DuelingFanjo · 21/04/2010 20:45

yes, a nutter. And you're not going to talk to him anymore ... simple.

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