Anyone ever had an affair and managed to keep it secret?

[parkranger]

well have you and do you regret it now?

at the risk of being flamed i had an affair. i didn't cheat on dh but on a long term dp few years ago. it was with a mm (but thats a diff story). exdp never found out, not even after we split up. tbh i wish he had at some point because i am still racked with guilt about it. our relationship was never going to work out anyway but he did nothing whatsoever to deserve my betrayal, even though i tried to convince myself this at the time.

the positive thing i can think of that came out of exdp not finding out was that he was spared the pain/humiliation and that none of our mutal aquaintenances knew - ie no one lied to him except me.

I have been cheated on which saw the end of my previous marriage. My current marriage is lovelesss and controlling and I am struggling to find a way out of it. Having children does not make it easy- I am not a pathetic creature who does not know her own mind - there are many reasons why I cannot walk away at the moment

I am also having an affair - nothing to be proud of because I am acutely aware of the pain that knowledge of it will cause the other person. I have known him for a significant number of years and been seeing him for some time. At times I feel lonely - other times I feel used - other times I am happy.

I would not recommend it to anyone in any shape or form but I am obviously a hypocrite

I don't know what's worse. The smug adulterers or the hysterical hard-done-by-ers.

Horrible thread.

I think Parkranger is either some sicko who gets of on others misery or is a lazy journo looking for a story.

Either wy I agree that this thread is a pile of shit!

twicethelove - thanks for posting despite the negative atmosphere that has taken over this thread, so you knew OM for a long time before you got together then?

can all the haters just take thir vitriol elsewhere please?

Parkranger what are you looking for in this thread? why so interested in other's affairs?

Open forum. Whole English-speaking world can read it and comment if they wish. Vitriol perfectly understandable, and you DID ask for it simply by posting something you know to be inflammatory on a forum which you had every reason to believe would not be sympathetic. Like posting an atheist diatribe on a church website, or daubing "ELVIS SUCKS" on a wall in Graceland.

#sits back, arms folded#

IME peopel who have affairs often think no one knows but everyone does

Six and years, one child and still counting. Actually, lots of my friends and family know about this affair but his wife still doesn't. He's been (finally) given an ultimatum however so it may well end with her never knowing.

And, obviously, I've namechanged.

i know of at least three where they thought no one knew.

I can't believe what I've just read... the insensitivity, selfishness and downright despicableness of some of you is absolutely sickening!

How fucking dare you pat each other on the backs when you know how much pain and suffering you are potentially causing?

fucking arseholes the lot of you

i have been seeing my boss for several months now. Feel bad about it but it gives me such a high that i can't resist. Its like an addiction.

Name change obviously.

he still has skiddies in his pants you know
and he wont leave his wife
a nd he still sleeps with her

"my affair has really brought me alive and if anything, it has made my marriage better. I don't regret it. "

Really, what does your husband/wife think? Has it brought them alive too?

"lots of my friends and family know about this affair"

Oh they must be so proud of you.

HeartlessTrollop...perhaps you don't need to bother name-changing back again..

I think its healthy to talk about such things. I am not proud of my actions and not bitter about my previous DHs actions (though give me a few mins with the lousy B who he went off with and that would be a different matter since she was a close friend). LIfe and relationships are complicated and none of us should be smug or vitriolic about others actions as we are not part of their lives and we should not point the finger.

The interesting thing about men is that they are, in the main, cowardly about their part in an affair. Speaking from experience and also from work I do as a counsellor (I know its ironic that whereas I can counsel others on their relationships and get them to make life choices and find out reasons for their actions, I cannot do it for myself! Go figure!!!) Men will always tread the path of least resistance and this will generally follow the path of keeping wifey happy and keeping the other woman at arms length - its called cake and eat it. On the other hand women will make a decision and follow it thru. There is no way as things stand that my ....er.... affairee will leave his wife - I find it hard to believe that she has not guessed after such a long time - but yet I am kept dangling like a blimming puppet.

Despite a few of us admitting to affairs, I don't think any of us are back-patting, except for maybe the OP, who is probably a troll.

yes women often force the hand

the other thing is - those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones - how many gals have looked, touched, thought about - where does infidelity start eh??????

so why do you dangle yourself then, TTL ??

like a carrot (or something)

you must have fuck-all self-respect

and if you know how hurtful it feels to be deceived...you would do it to another person ?

i never had
couldnt live wiht myself and tbh what is the point - onyl ends in sadness and crisis

i couldnt force the hand if I tried though apparently if I met the wife I would probably like her .........

I honestly cannot believe anyone would even start this thread, it is spectacularly insensitive. I have never had an affair or been on the receiving end either to i have no axe to grind. I was in a dreadfully cruel marriage for some time so I guess I may even have been able to justify it to myself.... the only results of them I have seen is absolute destruction and heartbreak.

Affairs are revolting and selfish by definition, so glad you all have no regrets and it makes you feel alive and all that shite but at what cost?

This self congratulatory tone is completely repugnant.