Anyone ever had an affair and managed to keep it secret?

[parkranger]

well have you and do you regret it now?

keep comming back to this and the last few points are what i have been thinking for a long time (before om). i really dont think it is normal for everyone to be with the same man for years and years (i have been married 20 years this year). when i met dh i admit i was on the rebound but he was soooo diferent to ex that i thought it was what i wanted. 2 kids later, nice house etc etc and he is just so bloody boring. i have spoken to him written to him you name it but he doesnt change. his idea of a good night is footi on tv and a beer or weekends gardening (i am 40 fgs) i want a bit more out of life. kids are older we have the opportunity to go out more etc but he just moans. if i go out, which i do, at every chance, he gets nasty telling me i look like a tart etc, i have often gone for a night out in tears. my kids still live at home as i mentioned before, om is ex and i love him so much but i know he doesnt really want me to leave dh, think (well i know) he saw an opportunity, knew i would never have got over him and reeled me in. i have been stupid and i do have enormas guilt but then just as i think i can do this, make marreage work, dh make a nasty coment, or something and i think, god i wish i could just go!!!!! its so easy to say well jsut leave but i cant, i wont, we have huge mortgage and no equity in the house, i work from home, and why shuld dh leave? i am in a nowin situation. om makes not effort to contact me because he knows i will contact him and flatter his ego (not actually seen each other for 9 months but have text, he always puts me off going to visit) dh wont change so, here i am, 40+ no money, no qualifications, with the next 20/40 years in a marriage with someone who irritates the hell out of me. people change as they get older, want different things, i should never have got married at the age i did, but now i am stuck with it.

but isn't that more to do with the predicament you've found yourself in over the years hadenoughofwork? you admit getting together with your chap on the rebound etc;and it doesn't sound like much fun with him i have to agree. but you also seem to be saying that the OM is a bit of a shit too-he won't contact you because he knows you'll do the running, plus he puts you off from meeting up! so the grass would never be greener by what you're saying, he'd make you unhappy in another way.

i can't help think within this topic that people need to fix themselves first and/or their relationships before they go looking elsewhere. otherwise it very rarely works out as happiness all round does it? don't get me wrong-i'm not blind to the excitement something like an affair can bring, but surely we all know it's built on a whole heap of nothing in the end? i'm not meaning to sound preachy-as i'd apply this all to myself if i were in that position. and i know we're all different, which is what makes this thread so interesting.

in the end, what are people saying-that an affair(if you're in a position like hadenoughofwork)gives you a boost, a shot in the arm(never mind the risks)? it might do, but it's pretty hollow in reality isn't it?

lequeen i envy you, you are very lucky and i would give anything for a relationship like yours. i have my dcs and i live with a man who loves me, but who i find incredibly boring. we are going out with friends tonight, i have spend a long time getting ready and he say, are you really going out like that??????????????

i supose the long and short of it is I am so lonely. om was there and i did something i never ever thought i would do.

i am not brave enough to leave, no matter what anyone says.

the coments on here have made me think though (some of them).

thanks

lequeen I envy you too!