Silverboots, good to see you're back, and good grief, I really feel your pain. I've had millions of convos like this with men before. He's in hyper-defensive mode (and also aggressive mode - hence the very childish sarcasm), so he's pulling up the drawbridge so as to shield himself from a perceived threat. As a consequence he's reacting against what you say rather than considering and then responding to your thoughts and feelings. This kind of communication is very common between men and women and is so bloody frustrating - all you want is a thoughtful, two-way discussion, but at this stage he feels far too threatened to be able to handle this, and he ends up creating a row or stonewalling (aka buggering off), or both.
From what you've said he does sound rather emotionally immature, what are your thoughts on the future for your relationship? Do you think it's worth trying to pursue meaningful communication with him, in order to attempt a resolution?
If so, one thing that might help is firstly to de-personalise the problem that's causing your communication breakdown. At the moment he is interpreting everything as a criticism of him as an individual. Regardless of whether that's actually what you're doing (and from what you've said I really don't think that's the case) you can see why that interpretation would make him react as he has. To remove the 'personal' element from your communication problems, you need to tell him that you've been looking into things and it seems that the things that are destabilising your convos are very common in male/ female relationships; it's not that either of you is an awful person, but just that you both have chalk/ cheese communication styles and need to find a way to meet each other in the middle. Hopefully, if he is a reasonable man, this should bring some relief to his current emotionally agitated state and make him more open to talking again.
If you want to give your relationship another chance you may find that you have to take things at a much slower pace than you would like - since he struggles to deal with examining his personal issues in a way that you don't, you might have to agree (privately, with yourself) to give him time to catch up with you. Let him lick his wounds for a bit, then suggest you both go out for a walk somewhere pretty to start a discussion - not to sort out EVERYTHING, but just to make a start.
What many people find useful is setting ground rules to structure the convo - each of you absolutely MUST be heard and understood. So far we on this thread only know about your gripes against your DH, but of course he will have issues with your behaviour as well. So you could suggest a few strategies to enable a supportive discussion, such as:
(a) THE HANKY: one person holds a hanky, the other listens. REALLY listens. Without interruption. Then...
(b) REFLECTING BACK: The listener than repeats what they think the speaker has said, giving the speaker a chance to correct any misunderstandings.
Then you swap round. In order to avoid him thinking you're trying to control him, I would suggest that you ask him whether he wants to hold the hanky first.
Another thing is for both of you to avoid at all costs using phrases like 'You always/ never do this' - as they instantly come across as an attack. Instead you should both try 'When you do x, it makes me feel y' - e.g 'when you said you wouldn't stay at home during my miscarriage, it made me feel abandoned and insignificant.' This approach also communicates far more information, and gives the listener insight into the consequences of their actions - or gives them a chance to explain that they've been misunderstood.
This advice comes from experience - when DH and I have used all these strategies, it has transformed our arguments! However, in order to enable your DH to feel that the whole thing is being done on a mutual basis rather than imposed on him, it's important for you to suggest these strategies, ask what he thinks and ask whether he wants to suggest any alternatives/ additional strategies. Then you can both decide on the ground rules together.
If you try any of this, you should both discuss at the end how you think the convo went. If there is a glimmer of hope for both of you, then bravo! and perhaps it's something for you to continue doing on a regular basis. If you come away feeling just as frustrated as you are now, or more so, then it may indicate that, for whatever reasons, things just aren't going to work out. Please DO consult your RL friends about this as well.