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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

im shaking with anger just now and ive thrown dh out

436 replies

candyfluff · 10/04/2010 13:58

he has a long standing problem with gambling and so after many years of putting up with it last year i told him if he goes in there again i will kick him out - the day started fine we all went out to the town to do some shopping and take the kids to the park,we split up to get things done quicker and said i will meet you at the park - he's a no show so we leave the park and the first place i look for him is in the bookies and geuss what the bastard is doing - feeding the fucking fruit machine
i tell him to leave now and he comes out for a minute then goes straight back in and continues to gamble
i go back in after a ten or so mins and gives him back my wedding ring and told him he will be locked out when he gets home
ive just put his bag out of the door
dont really know why im posting this other than to vent - feel so let down

OP posts:
Fliight · 12/04/2010 21:30

Oh yes, sorry, they take acute NHS admissions.

ok, not so odd.

LoveMyGirls · 12/04/2010 21:43

Regardless of wether it is true or not he is still the person who got you into debt, watched you become bankrupt, would rather spend his kids holiday money and has no respect for you and still stood there putting money you don't have into a fruit machine while his kids were outside waiting for him to come to the park etc

He doesn't deserve you.

Original poster
candyfluff · 12/04/2010 21:47

xxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
nursie999 · 12/04/2010 21:54

My tuppenceworth.

Usually, psych transfers are done by nurses, not doctors. Taxi? yes maybe, a lot of our transfers are done by a taxi company.

And Harrow on the Hill is a very very long way from The Royal London.
Different PCT etc.

Ring the Royal London Main switch.
Ask for the Accident and Emergency Dept.
Ask to speak to the nurse in charge.

You will then get the whole story.

nursie999 · 12/04/2010 22:00

Plus, there is a huge thing about the 4 hr breach in A/E.
Hospitals gert fined if patients wait longer than 4 hrs in the Dept.
This happened about 3pm?
Either hes long gone, or Royal London are in trouble for breach of the 4 hr wait.
Also I had a look at London Transport after you posted the message about the attempt.
All running smoothly.

GladioliBuckets · 12/04/2010 22:05

Don't get bogged down with any of the specifics and whether they are suspect or not. Just assume he is being taken care of and sort yourself out.

GladioliBuckets · 12/04/2010 22:08

Parent lectures are a symptom of this. They have been set up simply so that the kids can get a word in edgeways.

GladioliBuckets · 12/04/2010 22:08

Woah! Wrong thread

Saffysmum · 12/04/2010 22:12

First time I've posted but just had to jump in here - been watching this thread from the start. Close friend on duty in A&E at Hospital mentioned tonight - just called her - no suicide attempt brought in this pm - and she laughed (sorry) at the thought of a doctor getting into a taxi with a patient who hadn't been assessed properly! Think a con is on here!

Fliight · 12/04/2010 22:14

That's brill, Saffysmum!

However if Candy has rung the hospital, and it is the right number according to website - how has she managed to get through to someone who's told her all this, if they're not a real doctor?

Saying that it sounds very silly doesn't it.

RedCharityBonney · 12/04/2010 22:17

Yes, very. I wonder what it all means?

triffictits · 12/04/2010 22:19

I have been watching this thread....this turn in it is all sounding very odd to me.

Saffysmum · 12/04/2010 22:22

Flight - I don't have a clue, but can only tell you what friend has said - I rang her for a chat because it was her break, and just mentioned it, and she told me what I just posted. Apart from her telling me this I had alarm bells ringing anyway - would someone attempt to commit suicide by jumping in front of a train, and not succeed? Would a doctor - in a huge, busy hospital, accompany an unassessed (and believe me, it takes a more than a couple of hours to do a full assessment) in a taxi to take them to another hospital, which is under another health authority? I know about the 4 hour waiting time - but that is before you get seen - you then are usually put on AAU for hours (days) awaiting assessment...sorry apart from my friend confirming this - it just doesn't add up at all.

3point14 · 12/04/2010 22:32

I'm a bloke and I knew loads of people who were hooked on fruit machines from their pre teens all the way through their adult lives. Many swapped their addiction to the bookies and in almost every case, drink played its part.

You cannot help them from within. They will drag you down. You are already BR and so you know this. Add violence to the mix and there is no way to go forward.

Get onto the benefits people without delay. Your claim will only start from the day you phone them. If you are in council housing then tell them and explain. Go to the police or have them visit as you need his threats recorded. If you never need it, fine, but you need it all recorded.

Seriously consider a restraining order banning him from coming near you or the house. Where he stays is his problem.

You cannot let this go on and you need to drop those "friends" who knew he was gambling and said nothing.

Original poster
candyfluff · 12/04/2010 22:46

right im a bit upset that you all seem to think im making this up-someone just called from the new place he is at and said that dh wanted to talk to me so i let him talk and he was mumbling and asking if it was my final decision that he cant come back - i said yes and he said he is going to leave the hospital and kill himself - i said ur blackmailing me into having you back - he said my life is meaningless without me - i said think of your kids,i asked him to put me back onto the nurse there and she said she cant stop him if he wants to leave - he went voluntarily they didnt decide to section him ,she said she had all his paperwork there and the doctor was going to asses him soon - i told her what he is planning - she said well he is an adult and its up to him what he does and i musnt feel guilty.
i heard him in the background demanding fags - she snapped back at him that she didnt have his fags .
he said he called his workplace and told them everything and they then called the police who followed him and stopped him from trying to throw himself in front of a train,the police took him to a&e ,so not really a suicide attempt really after all,the person who took him to the new hospital is a phsyc nurse not a doctor ,this is all from dh

OP posts:
moviegirl · 12/04/2010 22:49

i dont think anyone here thought you were making this up candy... we just thought that your other half was bulshitting you

honestly love

onadietcokebreak · 12/04/2010 22:50

I believe you- just dont know what advice to offer.

triffictits · 12/04/2010 22:50

candy we dont think you are making this up. We think that your DH is spinning you a story to make you back down from your decision.

Original poster
candyfluff · 12/04/2010 22:59

i feel sick as a dog now but im going to try and sleep

OP posts:
maryz · 12/04/2010 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doha · 12/04/2010 23:10

No candy did not for 1 secong think you were making this up.

What you now have been told makes sense and l hope you can put that part to rest,

you made your decision and have stuck to it. Now it's up to your H to do the same, if he really wants to kill himself he will find a way to suceed. All serious suicides do find a way.

Hopefully he will stay in hospital for the assessment but that is up to him now.

He is no longer your responsibility. Continue with your palns re child benefit etc--you nrrd to move forward now.

Tomorrow is a new day

thumbwitch · 12/04/2010 23:26

Ihope the nurse does pass on the info you gave her about him saying he will kill himself - that should form part of his psych assessment and if he's a serious suicide risk I would think they should take that into account in terms of what they decided to do with him!

So sorry to hear that he is playing this abysmal mind game with you but it does say a hell of a lot about him as a person - weak, manipulative, devious and frankly selfish.

You must just concentrate on you and your DC - it is unlikely he will go through with it... but if the worst happens, remember it was HIS CHOICE. You did not force him into it and therefore you are blameless.

Have more ((hugs)) - I reckon you could do with some.

Mongolia · 12/04/2010 23:47

I didn't think you were making it up, but that your husband is pulling some favours from friends to convince you take him back.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure what is worse, if the gambling or him believing he could and should blackmail you in such manner.

Saffysmum · 13/04/2010 05:03

Candy - sorry if you thought I thought you were making it all up - I stuck my oar in because I was convinced that you were being taken for a mug, and your hubby was making it up! I'm just not convinced by any of this - I mean what has happened since you posted about the "hospital just rang - he's jumped in front of a train" - I thought and if I'm honest I still think, that it's extremely fishy - and I don't want you being emotionally blackmailed. Sorry if I wasn't clear. I cared enough to join this site so I could post what my friend said - it was to try and help you. Anyway, I just popped in before I go to work to see if you're ok - and hope you are. By the way, I'm a Mental Health Nurse -I know a little about the usual procedures for this kind of stuff. Stay strong.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 13/04/2010 05:27

Just a voice saying to stay strong, candy. You've done so very well so far.

I had a boyfriend who threatened to commit suicide once, after several dramatic instances where he'd show up somewhere claiming to be on heroin (which I'd driven him back to using) and dramatically collapsing all over the place (miraculously recovering if I tried to call an ambulance, of course). Funny sort of heroin, this one, because then he'd 'snap out' of the influence and not remember a single second of the past hours.

Anyway, suicide threats were the last attempt to keep me. He didn't even try, in the end.