So she went on a "date" with my husband

[MillyMollyMoo]

Which I am expected to believe was platonic, at 1am the week before Christmas and now I have been invited out for a night out with a small group where she will be.
Of course I am not actually wanted there at all but I suspect he knows the only way he stands a chance of going is if I am there too.

Would I be unreasonable if I said no and you're not going either ? I can use being pregnant as an excuse frankly I don't want to be socialising at all.

we need more about this date. What happened and how do you know about it

I know because he confessed after being caught out, it's a bit of a long story but he went out with the group from Uni to begin with, then they decided instead of him coming home to his family at 11pm when the meal concluded that they would head off to the cinema and then back to hers for coffee until 3.30am when he finally returned home.

A week later there was another uni night out arranged where he stayed out all night and lied about it. Claimed they all went for a meal, drinks and then he dropped her off and slept at services in the car.

I honestly do not think I could be civil in their company, but I am going to look like a witch if I say no aren't I ?
He's already missed 2 nights out since Christmas with the group.

When I say "they" in the first paragraph and I mean him and her, the others left after the meal as any normal person would.

Sorry to be blunt, but sounds more likely he shagged her

"he's already missed 2 nights out since Christmas with the group" - wtf, is he a teenager or something?

Seriously, he is messing around and you are worried about what the others will think?

Why would he sleep at services? Was he hours away from home? Good God.

I remember your previous thread. Did you ever manage to confront him about it? Is it at all possible that they are just friends? Personally I would go, you might get to see what they are like in eachothers company etc?

Yeah I would go too - to see how they are together and to present a united front.

He was about 15 mins from home but had spun me such a crock of shit to get to go on the 2nd night out he had to stay out all night if he was to go at all.

I think he shagged her don't get me wrong.
He basically hasn't been out of my sight since Christmas without a full itinerary and every minute accounted for, so I really think it's a one off but even so.

Even if I'm utterly wrong and they are friends, my male friends don't suggest a trip to the cinema late at night.

back story here

IIWY then he certainly wouldn't be going there without me although I'd not be keen to go other than to show a united front and be very dismissive of her.

Hope you're ok MMM

So he kept it a secret

then when faced with no other option, gave out a tiny amount of information, what he thought he could get away with.

I would be surprised to find out that there is not more info that you do not know, or that he has not fucked her.

Would you ? I'm just worried I won't be my normal happy self around her, I look like shit at 7 months and will want to leave at 10.30pm probably confirming everyones opinion he is a poor sod stuck with a boring frumpy housewife

Just read your backstory Milly.

You need the truth

and you need to hear it from him.

NO Molly I would not go. Why the fuck should you?

You do not know what is going on, if you feel vulnerable in how you look, then you will sit there feeling inadequate and as if they are laughing at you or similar. You shouldn't be subjected to that.

Unless I caught him with his cock in her he will never deviate from the story, he just won't.
I know the services in question send out fines if you stay in the car park for more than 3 hours - no fine has arrived.

Trust me I am making plans to make sure I have a life for me and the children, playing the long game if you like and then if he happens to be part of that, lucky him but we'll be fine without, right now it suits me to blame her if i'm honest.

If I were you Milly, and what you have just said about him never admitting it were really true, then I would say this to my husband:

"I know you have shagged her. I can't prove it, and I know you will never admit it, but I KNOW you are lying and I know you did it. You don't have to come clean, but I don't trust you and if nothing changes, our marriage is simply going to fall apart. So you can not say anything and watch us end up divorced, or you can think about coming clean and mybe we can work through it. But if you think that I am going to go out and sit there with the two of you and feel humiliated then you are very much mistaken."

That is what I would say.

He's a good father but a crap husband if I'm honest.
But I cannot manage without him to a) complete my studies and b) have any standard of living for the children.
I'm biding my time if you like, right now he has his uses and there's no point in cutting my nose off to spite my face, but I'm extremely committed to getting my career off the ground for the first time ever and then I'll make a decision if that makes sense ?

sorry, but all this is just SO unhealthy and cannot do anything but harm your self-esteem/mental health. You deserve better.

Yes, if you really were planning to leave him, and you were just biding your time, why would you care if he went out with her and you weren't there? If you really don't care at all and are just waiting for the right moment, hold your head up high and let him get on with it, IMO.

You sound so... broken TBH. I can see your point of view, I have felt the same with DH so just don't know what to suggest. I don't think it has to be all or nothing - maybe go along the lines of "I know what you did, I am not leaving you but I do not trust you and will not until you earn it back." I would fully expect him not to socialise with her, and would be 'on a break' at least - even if it is living in the same house etc. Do you think you will leave him eventually because of this? Or do you want to get past it and make it work?