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Original poster

So she went on a "date" with my husband

169 replies

MillyMollyMoo · 18/03/2010 18:26

Which I am expected to believe was platonic, at 1am the week before Christmas and now I have been invited out for a night out with a small group where she will be.
Of course I am not actually wanted there at all but I suspect he knows the only way he stands a chance of going is if I am there too.

Would I be unreasonable if I said no and you're not going either ? I can use being pregnant as an excuse frankly I don't want to be socialising at all.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/03/2010 19:23

good advice, dittany

what she said

OP, you sound like you have a "plan"...but you do not

you are fooling yourself

unfortunately, I don't think you are fooling him...hence the boundary-pushing by trying to get you to socialise with this "group"

"group"...??? wtf is a "group"

he could drop them all if he wanted to...but nah, he would rather try to rub your nose in it

nice

Original poster
MillyMollyMoo · 18/03/2010 19:24

Oh I suppose it's a pride thing, I don't want to be cheated on, who does ?

OP posts:
Original poster
MillyMollyMoo · 18/03/2010 19:27

I don't think we can be happy as a couple again, but as a family it works for now and the children are happy.
My head is completely messed up right now.

OP posts:
junglist1 · 18/03/2010 19:28

Don't go, and don't "let" him go. I say "let" because he's taking the piss big time and has been so inconsiderate of your feelings, like a selfish spoilt child. At best.

dittany · 18/03/2010 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 18/03/2010 19:29

Is it possible to live as a family then but not be together? Until you are in a position to seperate fully?

mrsboogie · 18/03/2010 19:29

Agree with every one above.

You are making a pact with the devil. Are you quite sure you couldn't get your career off the ground without him? if that is all he is for then why bother who he shags? Where is your self-respect?

If, however, you are absolutely determined to stay with him for now, then you must get out of that mindset of frumpy wife. She, on the other hand, is someone who is prepared to scavenge the crumbs off your table. I would get dressed up to the absolute fucking nines, bump on prominent display and waft about looking like a smug pregnant goddess.

dittany · 18/03/2010 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/03/2010 19:30

Yes, the ideal would be to just think about you and the kids and let him get on with whatever, and not to give a damn.

But you clearly still care for him, which is why this situation is not healthy for you and will only make you hideously unhappy.

Slambang · 18/03/2010 19:31

I see what you're saying MMM.

I'd go and act the gorgeous fertile loving wife. Wear your most fab maternity gear and look 'glowing'. Be the life and soul. Laugh, caress him affectionately. Make them all see how bloody lucky he is and that he doesn't deserve you.

But secretly before hand make it clear that he will caringly be taking you home at 10.30 and that if he for one instant looks at her askance then you will be castrating him once home.

jenduff · 18/03/2010 19:32

MMM I disagree that he is a good father - a good father should be respectful and honest to the mother of his children.

I hear what you are saying about biding your time but it does sound so soul destroying - please be kind to yourself MMM.

Slambang · 18/03/2010 19:34

I'm not suggesting this is a long term 'Good Idea'. Just a short term get-through-the-meet-up plan.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2010 19:35

nah, I wouldn't go and put on a stupid act

your relationship is fake isn't it ?

why bother playing games ?

just tell him to fuck off out of it, right now

OP, I hope you get what you deserve, but "biding your time" and still worrying about what a "group" of friends think is contradictory

he is either working very hard to save your relationship...or he isn't

which is it ?

Oliverboliverbuttbuttface · 18/03/2010 19:35

No, I wouldn't go and I agree with others, he has certainly shagged her. I am so sorry and it must be so incredibly hard when you are already vulnerable through being pregnant.

If I were you, I would refuse to go and hang in there until you feel strong enough to dump the bugger.

Good luck and keep strong.

dittany · 18/03/2010 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aSilverlining · 18/03/2010 19:41

for you. Can you tell us more about your situation in terms of your plan? How is his presence helping with this? Are you sure it couldn't be done without him??

He is an absolute SHIT to be putting you through all this at 7 months pg.

Original poster
MillyMollyMoo · 18/03/2010 19:41

I did think about getting my hair done and swanning along, but we haven't a pot to piss in at the moment, I'm trying to scrape together the money for my girls summer school uniform so £60 for a hair do, then a dress and a meal with people I don't care about just seems madness.

He's not going with my blessing and if he goes without it the locks will be changed but long term god knows.
Once I can stand on my own feet I will tell him where to go unless there have been dramatic changes, but i've been the poor single parent before and didn't find that a barrel of laughs either, this is certainly no worse.

OP posts:
Eurostar · 18/03/2010 19:44

A group of people I knew from a previous life started to get together once in a while. One of the blokes did the whole,.."my wife is a nutter, unreasonable, forces me to have children I dont want .." talk while trying very very hard to get the still single girls into bed. One time the wife came out and she was lovely, no one took him seriously or respected him after that and we feel quite sad for her that she stays with him.

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/03/2010 19:45

Milly, were I in your shoes I would not be able to resist going! (But then I am a complete cow at times.)

You can play it in two ways (possibly both)-

  1. Your presence makes her feel deeply uncomfortable because in her eyes, until she actually meets you, you don't really exist in her world and she can fool herself that your DH is 'available'. Having been introduced to you, with the obvious proof that your husband has sex with you, she can't kid herself on that one any more. If you can be sweet to her all night, it will twist the knife all the more.
  1. You can look her in the eye and ask her if he was a good shag. And does she have 'ishoos' that make her go only for attached men and is that why she's still single at 32. Is it because she likes the challenge of seducing an attached man, or does she just have commitment issues and this way she doesn't have to commit?

I mentioned my being a complete cow, right?

Seriously, I think it would be a good idea to go. Until you actually meet, she's an unknown quantity and therefore scary. Meeting her would diminish her I think. In both your and your H's eyes.

itsmeitsmeolord · 18/03/2010 19:46

ou just sid you haven't got a pot to piss in between the two of you, so wht the fuck difference does it make if you are still poor as a single parent?

Oh, apart from not having to listen to the fuckwit anyore, nd having your own space just for your life without his crap.

Original poster
MillyMollyMoo · 18/03/2010 19:50

The plan is that I have an offer to study medicine and surgery starting this September when bubs will be 3 months old, we already have 3 children so the childcare I would need would exceed the amount tax credit credits would pay.
This has been my dream for 15 years and I am so so so lucky to have been offered a place. I think it's 50% that drop out in the first year due to the workload and I don't want to be trying to parent three children, look after a baby and study and fuck it all up tbh. I cannot imagine i'd get another chance.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/03/2010 19:50

but the OP doesn't care....right ???

I wouldn't feed this twat's ego, tbh

What a fucking great night he would have

Tubbed wifey and sexy minx he has/hasn't shafted in the same room...and, ohhh, everybody talking about him and what a shiney knob he must have

it makes me sick, tbh, that any self-respecting woman would put up with this shite

Nemofish · 18/03/2010 19:51

I get what you are saying MMM, about playing a long game with reference to finishing your studies, and a better standing of living. It is shrewd, but hard. Best of luck. And try to bear in mind that most of his uni 'friends' will think he's a heartless bastard, unless they themselves are utter arseholes.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 18/03/2010 19:53

Would you not get assistance with childcare etc? And/or obviously your husband having his share of custody will allow some time to work?

MarshaMallow · 18/03/2010 19:55

I wouldn't go.

No way would I give this man the satisfaction of seeing me and his 'bit on the side' sitting at the same table fawning over him like a couple of puppy dogs.

He either choses to cancel and stay at home with me or go out.....if he went out then at least I know for certain he chose her 'company' over mine. The simple action of choosing to go out without me (in this case) would be all the proof I'd need of where he really wanted to be was.

That would then lead me to making some serious decisions about my future.

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