So she went on a "date" with my husband

[MillyMollyMoo]

Which I am expected to believe was platonic, at 1am the week before Christmas and now I have been invited out for a night out with a small group where she will be.
Of course I am not actually wanted there at all but I suspect he knows the only way he stands a chance of going is if I am there too.

Would I be unreasonable if I said no and you're not going either ? I can use being pregnant as an excuse frankly I don't want to be socialising at all.

I've had legal advice and the jist is if we split we both end up with nothing, the children will suffer and I will not be able to study to get myself build myself a life.
I hate the job I did before the children, I cannot go back to that and I doubt anybody would employ me right now anyway.
I have seen plenty of my friends split from their husbands/partners and seen them end up in poverty and no happier with all their choices taken away from them.
Controlling I may be, but the front door isn't locked, he hasn't stay out at all since Christmas but if he wanted to I guess he'd find a way, the same as if he wanted to leave he could.
It seems to me we are both under different kinds of pressure right now, I wouldn't be sleeping with him now anyway because I've bled a lot in this pregnancy so am being safe, he understands that.
We'll just have to see how things go once the baby is 12-18 months old because experience tells me normality doesn't really return until everyone is sleeping properly anyway.

I haven't done any sleuthing on your background, MMM, so I may have missed some important factors. I hope things go well for you all.

Wow - you are really teaching your children a healthy way to conduct a relationship!

No dittany he hasn't ever threatened or been violent, we're really not like that either of us.
I would want, in fact insist he had joint custody but that would have implication for the finances so neither of us would be in a position to provide a life for the children comparable to what they have now.
A side of him being a twat, his words, at Christmas we have a very stable, normal environment for the children who are all very happy and doing well at school so I do not see any point in turning their lives upside down so that they may possibly see their mother with an occasional smile on her face. But might more often see her stressed because she cannot keep all the balls in the air without support.
And as I've said before neither of us have anyone, no parents, no close relatives, nobody at all.

This is silly I was very stressed on Thursday and this is keeping it all going for far too long, he's not going on the night out so that's that.

How grown up - not allowing your husband to go out!!

Not showing your kids a great deal about being able to trust their partner later in life are you?

Trust and honesty are the main things you should teach kids, that and communication which is, it seems, sadly lacking in your relationship.

Do you think you have a good relationship if you have to forbid your husband from going somewhere because he may shag someone else?

You have a shit relationship if shagging someone else even crosses his mind - he sshould love and respect you enough and value your relationship enough not to think about doing it.

How can I stop him going out ? If that's what he wants to do then he will go end of story, I can express an opinion but I cannot stop him.

dittany I won't be any happier/smiley on my own, please give me credit for knowing myself better than anyone else does.

Actually MMM I think you're doing the right thing for you andd your children.

Good luck

I know you're trying to be kind but honestly there's really nothing to be gained, I've spent many a wine drinking session going over various things with friends and the truth is I probably am with the wrong man for all the wrong reasons but here and now I cannot/will not change that, for the right reasons.
My intentions are good for all of us, including me.
I don't think I'm unreasonable in saying I don't want to be around a woman who thinks a late night trip to the cinema is appropriate with a married man and he understands that and has agreed he will not see the group socially, I can't ask for more than that.

Actually, you wouldn't be unreasonable to "ask" for quite a lot more... You know what's best for you though.

Thanks louise and dittany I do appreciate your kind words.

You're living with a man who thinks a late night trip to the cinema with another woman other than his wife is reasonable - can you not see that!!!

Being around the woman would be the least of my concerns if I were you!

Why are you staying with him?

He doesn't provide financially.

He doesn't fulfil you sexually.

You don't even like him.

Why are you with him?

Millymollymoo i do hope you manage to sort it out, whatever you decide to do

You sound driven and organised. I think you know what is best for you and your kids. Best of luck. You seem very strong