Introducing my partner to feminism...

[blinder]

On the back of a spate of good feminism threads here lately I am looking for book recommendations to give to my DP as an introduction to a feminist critique of society.

He's not a particularly neanderthal man - he loves Naomi Klein for example - but he's a bit uneducated about the reality facing women today.

We have a six month old daughter and it worries us both that she is being launched into a culture that systematically de-humanises (objectifies) girls. I'm sure he would be willing to explore ways that we can parent her consciously so that she can preserve her identity in the face of damaging cultural norms.

At the same time, I don't want him to feel lectured, blamed or patronised by the book. But I would like him to be able to examine his own investment in male superiority and recognise that he does have many assumptions about women and many blind spots about male privilege.

It's a fine line.

So, books for men, fathers or people new to feminism?

You're very patronizing for a feminist...

And I didn't say you were being unreasonable...I said you sound really boring...

thanks, mal

that is kinda reassuring

< lets out a tiny little sob >

The very best role model you can provide for your DD is you. If she sees you defending your own interests in your own family and getting your own fair share in life, and everyone else in your family getting a fair deal too, she will be just fine.

I do think that having a daughter and seeing things through her eyes is going to teach him a lot (better than reading up on stuff) especially as it does sound as though he's coming from the right place.

I think it's a bit of an odd question. If he's worried about it and wants to find out more, I'm sure he's capable of seeking out some relevant books himself. Books about gender aren't locked away in a room to which only women have access, nor are they written 'for women'.

moles, but blinder was merely asking for suggestions on here because there has been a lot of discussion about feminist literature in the past few days

I don't think it's an odd question...I think it is called using a resource of well-read people so you don't have to trawl through a load of crap yourself

no more than that?

I don't see what is so wrong with your post, and I would have replied earlier but got caught up in RL.

If we want to know more about something, is it so unreasonable to research it. Your DH is interested in feminism, why should he not read about it?

Are only women allowed to be interested in feminism?

Sorry, have no ideas of books to read but I find it good that he is interested.

Very patronising for a feminist

I wonder what that means.

What's patronising about asking for book recommendations? Or boring? I find the replies here patronising in the extreme. The assumption that I don't know how to have fun with my kids is incredible. Because I ask a serious question, my whole character is defined and reduced. There is a lot of personal attack on this thread which I half expected tbh.

Feminism really winds up some women doesn't it?

The myth that all men are potential rapists / power hungry / emotionally stupid / sex crazed / egotistical is every bit as damaging to our society as the objectification of young women imho.

How many times do you see or hear " he's only a man, what can you expect?"
Advertising is sexist to women and men. Surely that attitude is as damaging to young boys?

Asking for recommendations isn't odd, but asking for a book about feminism written 'for men' is. There's an assumption there that feminist books or books about gender aren't suitable for men to read or - worse - are only relevant to women. That's what I find odd. I'm all for everyone reading feminist books

. I'm not particularly well read in this area, but The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf is interesting, and not a hard read.

Absolutely AF. Trying to access a resource of well read women. No more than that.

It's a good point molesworth. I suppose the difference that I see is that women experience the effects of sexism directly. Most of us know how it feels to be ridiculed or not taken seriously because of being a woman. My partner hasn't felt that and so would be starting from different place iyswim.

Malificence er, I didn't call my partner a potential rapist or any of those other things. Have you been reading a different thread?

Point taken, blinder. He might find Raewyn Connell's book "Masculinities" interesting. And I second the Naomi Wolf recommendation. Ariel Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs is an interesting read. Or for an overview something like "Feminism: a very short introduction" might be good. Books about one gender are always inevitably about both.

Wonderful thank you very much molesworth. He's read the Beauty Myth actually. It's what sparked his interest. Will look into the others.

If he's a glutton for punishment, how about Judith Butler's "Gender Trouble"

"but like most men (and women) he doesn't actually know how many sexist assumptions he has. "

Why did you marry him then?

I'm a feminist and I think that both your OP and the thread title are very patronising.

I was just stating that there are plenty of negative stereotypes of males, it's not just restricted to women. Men are routinely categorized as lazy / useless / emotionally retarded.

I've never been ridiculed or not taken seriously because I'm a woman.

My DD is going into teaching primarily because of the influence of some incredible female teachers shes had.

Feminism does wind up women. How interesting. Do your books give you an insight into why that might be?

This is one of feminism's great achievements though, isn't it? Maybe its greatest achievement. Exposing gender's constructedness: both genders.

PS sorry for the word 'constructedness'. Am too lazy to make a better sentence today.

I also can't see anything wrong with OP's request.

Books on feminism have a really important place in passing on knowledge, that has taken time to be formulated. although they bear the name of individual authors on the cover, I often think they are the distillation of a lot of people thinking and acting through some difficult stuff. It means you don't have to reinvent the wheel every time you have a discussion about something/encounter a RL situation requiring thinking and judgment.

And it would be well depressing to think those books will only be bought and read by women.

I'm a bit out of the loop re. books but I think I'd second Molesworth's suggestions (except for Gender Trouble!! Which is hard work, and more towards the conceptual shores. which is no bad thing, but sounds like you're asking for something more immediate.).

Actually, I did have a taxi driver in Egypt who asked my husband why he couldn't "control me" - which I found hysterical.