Introducing my partner to feminism...

[blinder]

On the back of a spate of good feminism threads here lately I am looking for book recommendations to give to my DP as an introduction to a feminist critique of society.

He's not a particularly neanderthal man - he loves Naomi Klein for example - but he's a bit uneducated about the reality facing women today.

We have a six month old daughter and it worries us both that she is being launched into a culture that systematically de-humanises (objectifies) girls. I'm sure he would be willing to explore ways that we can parent her consciously so that she can preserve her identity in the face of damaging cultural norms.

At the same time, I don't want him to feel lectured, blamed or patronised by the book. But I would like him to be able to examine his own investment in male superiority and recognise that he does have many assumptions about women and many blind spots about male privilege.

It's a fine line.

So, books for men, fathers or people new to feminism?

Oh and I'm not a feminist because I feel inferior to men

I'm a feminist because, given that...

• Two-thirds of all children denied school are girls.
• Of the world's 876 million illiterate adults, 75% are women.
• Women earn only 10% of the world's income, yet work two-thirds of the world's working hours.
• Domestic violence is the biggest cause of injury and death to women worldwide.
• Women hold only 14% of the world's parliamentary seats

... how could I not be?

Sorry I abandoned the thread a bit! I've been to an all-you-can-eat chinese. Oh my word it was good.

Just picking up on some points...

mathanxiety:
'I think having a father who loves and respects her mother is the best start a girl could have in life -- make sure your P understands this is the foundation for raising any child, girl or boy, Blinder. Theory can only take you so far, after that, children absorb their self-image from what they live.'

Yes I love that and I have to say I think she has that great example, which is very reassuring.

amber1979:
'The problem with this thread is that much of what the OP has said, implies that her DP is sexist simply by virtue of being a man.'

As Stayfrosty said, I'm not calling my (lovely) DP sexist because he is a man. However, just as white people are often unaware of the lack of discrimination in their lives, men are mostly unaware of the privileges they enjoy. It's not rocket science and it doesn't make them bad people. FWIW DP and I were talking about this over our chinese. He's looking forward to reading some of the recommended books to have his 'mind blown open' which is an experience he loves !

habbibu if I had seen your thread I wouldn't have posted this one!! Thanks!

theshriekingharpy:
'The post is also decidedly biased and one-sided. Why is the onus placed solely on men? If men are to reeducate themselves on the obstacles facing todays modern woman, shouldn't females also become better enlightened about male related issues?'

Actually I think Steve Biddulph's book Raising Boys is a great read for mothers wishing to understand male issues. This thread just isn't about that topic. I can see I might have sounded a bit 'Modern Parents' but with respect, you sound a bit 'Roger Irrelevant'. back atcha

daftpunk:
This is about a 6 month old baby..... can you see why I find it so laughable...?

not really no.

No LeQueen, you are not alone. I expressed my views on feminism at the beginning of the thread. And I know what you mean about not having experienced sexism in your life. Yeah sure the odd car mechanic has patronised me and I have had builders wolf whistle at me (a long time ago now!) but these things are not sufficient to make me want to burn my bra and force my dh into a pinny.

by the way - I am glad I posted this thread - there have been some fantastic suggestions

Dittany, can you post the Bingo link? I think I may have scored quite a few!

Have just read the whole thread and my jaw is on the floor at some of the early responses to your query, blinder!

Really impressed with your DH for leaving the male comfort zone to consider what life for his daughter might be like - and am sure you will both raise a strong and happy little girl.

LOL. Can I also score for thinking "I'll bet you're just fat and ugly"?

dg, seriously, don't you think the fact that other women are discriminated against just for being women, even if you haven't experienced it, is worth being a bit bothered about?

Stayfrosty - re justifying the feminist perspective. I think the threads on feminism are supposed to go like this...

1. attack the poster for being too serious
2. pooh-pooh the issue for being not serious enough
3. call the original issue into question
4. accuse the poster of hating men
5. deny the necessity of a feminist perspective because other people have it tough too

Sadly it appears we are working steadily towards the 'women are liars' schtick.

And there was me asking for a good book.

Seriously, yes of course I do. The truth of the matter is, I know I scare most men I meet, so, yes I am fine thanks, but yes I do care about other women too.

BUT, I also care about men (even the ones I scare) and I am sick to the back teeth of being told by feminists that my choices about my life mean I am letting down the sisterhood.

No dittany, I was kidding.

Not knocking feminist literature at all, but I think the best way to bring up your dd to fulfill her potential is to lead by example.

And I mean both parents in that. Treat each other with respect, demonstrate the benefits of work and study and self improvement. Show reasonable ways of dealing with conflict. Encourage independance and self reliance. Love her unconditionally.

Explain that the reason that Katie Price is so successful is not that she is a bit pretty with big tits, but that she constantly works, reinvents herself, markets her product well, at the same time as stressing that "being" a product is not necessarily a good thing.

I am actually much fatter since the all-you-can-eat meal. So, if it's true I'm not sure it counts as Bingo.

Someone call me a lesbian quick!

Sugarmousepink;

Where has it all gone wrong then...?

Women have so many more job opportunities now, better working conditions/education etc...why haven't women moved on from wanting to be sex objects..?

That never seems to change does it....

What choices? I've never thought that being feminist and liking and respecting men were mutually exclusive. And feminism is a broader church than the cliches suggest. I think (and know dittany prob disagrees) that my dh is a feminist, for example. It's like hating MN because you dislike what a few posters have said.

Sodding feminists again.

PS Daftpunk, if you are still about....Na na na na na! Catching up with the ellusive Tracey Tax i am - and another couple of games to go!

And your previous post towards me was not? You chose to assume my thinking was based on a trite comment from your bingo link. I just picked up on another of the trite comments which I found amusing. I was not thinking of you when I quoted it. You assumed I was. If I had been thinking of anyone, it would have been the op. The correct feminist response would be that it matters not if you are fat and ugly. I am sure you are more beautiful than me anyway.

Feminists are fat and ugly? Gee, what rapier wit. Ignore all the irrefutable facts we've posted about women's crappy position in the world today (because you cant dispute them) and go for the oldest, laziest cliche in the book.

0/10 for debating skills there.

OP, here are some useful websites for you / DH to look at.

www.object.org.uk

www.pinkstinks.co.uk