ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Pink, I was 20 yrs younger than mine, I look v well for my age & keep myself well. Exh was about 5st overweight, going bald & yet I still fancied him . My exh had carisma or something, people were drawn to the fu*ker! Only say that lightly as actually I've no real hatred or anger towards him. He's so mentally unwell I only feel sorry for him. Anyway, I deviated from your point but you are so right, it would be a million times easier if you didn't fancy/love them anymore!

Mind you, to look at exh you certainly wouldn't class him as being mentally unwell. He's dressed from head to foot in designer labels, driving state of the art car & the fu*ker probably tips more than I spend on the weekly shop!! In fact if you were to look at me with dc's on a bad day you'd probably think I was the one who was mentally ill, dc's hanging off harrassed mother with youghart stained clothes .......

Anyway, I need the dumplings to rally around with their thinking caps on. This could be of benefit to us all. My counsellor has suggested that I need to get more fun into my life, something that doesn't involve dc's. Has anyone got any ideas?? Will have more free time when I'm finished college. So please forward any ideas on how I can obtain fun.................

Starting/Dumplings in search of fun project........all ideas welcome.

Just a quick lurk this evening as working!!

Startingover...salsa, flamenco, dancing in field (have vision of us all in row doing Tai Chi or something - Beauty if you are lurking, this is something for the movie),music, play a musical instrument, dancing, painting, sport....xx

And Maggie, welcome! I did read your thread previously - sorry you are here but now you are here we will help you to have some fun!

So many people now we need a meet up! tried this before and failed .... thinking maybe some difficulties finding a good location that suits all though

I live near Watford, so London wouldn't be too bad for me.

Maybee - I'm so so sorry but you're far better off without him. Try and do something nice today for you. I did send a prayer up to the big man last night (hope you didn't mind) for peace for you, when I read your original message, just before going to bed. Wasn't sure how to reply as until my H had an affair I was completely ignorant of these situations. And even now I'm not really one to give advice as I'm still in limbo with my H. So what would I know. But you are more than worth your weight in gold lovely and you do not need someone like that dragging you down. He sounds toxic (for want of a better word).

I'm very bad on abbreviations, what's dv? Sorry to ask.

I've been dreaming about taking my little ones away to Normandy or Brittany as Thomson Al Fresco are offering a free ferry pass right now and their mobile homes (is that what they're called) look so nice and snazzy. They're doing a 2 for 1 offer if a big group are going too. So much cheaper than a villa and I need the flexibility of a living arrangement with my own kitchen and a lounge and bedrooms, with mine being so small still. Some of their sites look so nice. I feel I deserve a little break this Summer.

Anyone else dreaming of Summer...

Maybees - sorry it wasn't more positive for you. I know its horrible to realise - again - that they're not going to change, but does it make you feel stronger afterwards?

Welcome Maggie!

I'd love a meetup but I think I might struggle with a toddler and being pregnant and not driving.

I'm looking forward to the summer too. Everything is cheaper if you can just get outside, and I'm planning long hours lounging in the park feeding while DS plays ball with his friends!

I slept better (woke up loads but managed to get straight back to sleep after taking my inhaler) and today I feel a bit weak but able to deal with DS.

First thing DS did after his dad left this morning was to ask for a cuddle, then to assume the position and declare it was "milk time!" Fair enough as he hadn't had any this morning. Seems to have perked him up too.

Hi Ifyourhappy, thanks for the great fun suggestions. Had been thinking of Salsa maybe, even though with my muscle disease I'd be challanged to begin with.

Hi Tea, I've been dreaming of the summer for ages now (the minus zero conditions this year nearly killed me). Am dreaming of sunshine, lying on beach etc.. I took dc's to Spain last year & my mother came with us. Think I'll do the same this year. Going with my mother turned out to be a great idea as dc's didn't miss exh at all with the extra person & made it a lot easier for me as my mother did a hell of a lot more with dc's than exh ever did!!

DV unfortunately stands for domestic violence.

Hi Chairmum, glad you got a good nights sleep, makes everything a lot easier. Hope you start to get your strength back soon.

Ok, am feeling a lot better today. I need to get back on track & start living life to the full. I am blessed with the dc's, have a lovely home, have managed two years at college despite trauma & have managed to give dc's a very happy two years despite everything. I have a lot to be grateful for.

Anyway, please keep the ideas for fun rolling in..........

Was thinking of trying to set up a lone parents group in my locality. It would be a way of offering support to each other, making new friendships & doing fun things. Was thinking we could have coffee mornings, activities with dc's & social nights out for meals or cinema etc... What do you all think??

starting - I think its a brilliant idea, and if there's not one going near me I am going to suggest my childrens centre starts one. Maybe try to get a babysitting circle going too - it should work well if you all spend time together as a group.

Its good to be positive! We've had a good while without TV this morning, and I've dug over a couple of feet of the garden (want to plant veggies in a week or two) and hopefully if I can keep going like that when the weather is nice I'll be able to do the whole thing myself! (as H 'misinterpreted' my request)

Take back that power!

Glad everyone feeling a bit brighter today
Tea regarding retraining what about Montessori training im sure there is a college in London.Thankyou for the prayer x

Hi all - hope everyone is doing ok.

Starting, your lone parent group idea is great, I know that a lack of single friends is my main issue, everyone appears to be coupled up. I'd also suggest gardening as I find this very relaxing and rewarding (also ds1 likes digging!).

Everything is ok here although I'm just permanently tired and achey at the moment. I've got loads on in the coming months, moving house (again), starting courses, getting dcs settled in school/childcare. I'm feeling really positive about it all but my subconscious is obviously really stressed and manifesting itself in aches and pains (used to get same pains when under pressure at work).

Very annoying indeed.

A holiday sounds great, this is the only thing I haven't worked out how to do as a singleton. I couldn't take my mother with me. One of us wouldn't return

Off to try and get an early night.

Hi Mavis, God moving house again sounds stressfull no wonder you've aches & pains. Great that you're getting to do course, at least that will keep you motivated.

I'm very busy this week with college & dc's but I'm going to try advertising about lone parent group next week. If I manage to get it off the ground it could be good fun.

Hi Maybees, hope your feeling ok tonight & that you haven't gone on a downer over H.

Hi Chairmum, hope your feeling a bit better now.

Mavis - moving house alone sounds stressful! Good luck with that.

I didn't sleep too well last night - DS up and in with me at 1am and I think I am worrying about my counselling a bit. H is now having DS while I am there (but I won't have to collect DS from him if I don't want to as he's going for lunch with DS's best friend's (non-resident) dad. Its the single dads' club, instead of our newly instigated single mums' one!)

I think I am nervous about the counsellor herself rather than talking - I've got lots to get out. Or perhaps worried that now the ADs have kicked in and I'm a lot more level she won't believe I really need the help.

I did do my tax credits yesterday though, and will do my council tax form today. Small steps.

Morning all. DS1 at school and DS2 napping = coffee, cake and MNing for me!

Starting, hope you get some takers for your group, just don't put even more pressure on yourself, remember it's supposed to be fun

Chairmum, good luck with the counsellor, it's a really good step. We can get so bogged down with all the practical stuff that this situation throws up (council tax forms and the like) that's it's really easy to ignore our own well being. I think that's what I'm doing really. Now and then I get a flash of what being on my own long term with the boys will be like or the issues that could arise if I did by some miracle meet someone else and I just shut it out. Not good for me in the long term but seems to be doing the trick for now!

Oh and moving house with the little ones? Piece of cake - did it last summer when the youngest was 5 months old - he should be able to help carry things by this summer

Hope you all have a lovely day.

Chairmum, sounds like you're at about the same place I am - just did council tax/tax credit stuff last week, concentrating on sorting the practicalities. Now I think I am mentally ready for counselling but am getting very pissed off with my 'employee advisory service' (we are supposed to be allowed 6 free sessions through them). I have made stacks of enquiries so far and they always promise to ring back and never have (first time I called was about 4 weeks ago, then gave up for a bit). Can't really afford to pay for Relate at the moment, but really feel that I need to talk to someone other than friends/family. Thank god for MN!

Mavis - that's the spirit!

Maggie - I know what you mean about needing someone else. Mumsnet has been really great for the day to day stuff you feel might get on anyone else's nerves, but the counsellor today was really good, and I liked her.

I get 6 sessions with her which isn't much, but she's from relate so I guess I can probably scrape together enough for a fortnightly session by cutting back on some luxuries - as this would be more important than most things if its working for me!

She drew a diagram of my family relationships as I was talking and it made me realise just how screwed up the whole thing is, and how much I have to work on!

Tonight DS is away again and I have painted the top of his toy chest with blue chalkboard paint (another coat to do too) and am looking forward to my relaxing evening!

was not far from you today! teandcake

had wild idea of dropping in but didn't

Feeling a really positive vibe on this thread ,how good is that folks ,keep up the good work

Just been really tired Startin' lots of early nites needed I think !
H is just H ,immature and iresponsible when left to his own devices (just like dealing with mixed up teenager).All negatives in our relationship related to alcohol abuse,sober he is a nice guy calm relaxed etc.
I just think I feel frustration more than anything ,I wish I could have known him without the drinking,but in the end you have to let go.

I was out all day, mums and tots and then went to a friends for lunch a SAHM who has been great, looking after my kids if I need to do anything alone, often gives me food packages and I got an anonymous gift of money last month in an envelope. I actually think it was her but too polite to ask. Anyway went for lunch and ended up staying there all day she's good company, her kids are all in school now and they adore my little girl who is very cute of course, so she got spoiled once they were home

So lovely day but ifyourhappy I'm usually in tbh another time

My son is still poorly, this tummy bug seems to never end. I keep thinking oh he's getting better and then he goes down hill again.

Trying not to think about H away this week and stuff. Denial me thinks...

Maggie - talking of forms, I finally did my tax return of 08/09 2 days ago, to my shame

I think paperwork is the last thing on our minds when we've got kids and a tricky relationship on the plate

Luckily they withdrew my £100 fine as I didn't actually owe any tax, once I submitted figures! Phew!

I didn't inform the council I am now on income support but somehow they knew and adjusted my account to zero. I have a form that the job centre gave me, should I still give it in?

teaandcake - sounds like a lovely day. Its the small things that keep us going