Happy, yes of course I'm lurking ! I had to get out of the house and away from the computor so I went to a friend.
A BILLION THANKS
Happy
Maybees
Starting
Teaandcake
and Posh
for all your wonderful warmth and support.
I feel a bit silly now, I mean they didn't really slate me but the patronizing attitude and bitchiness of some of them was more than I could take. Who are they to judge.
I've never been flamed before and it brought back some really vile memories of being bullied in the playground.
I know that my view is very contraversial but it's how I feel and it only relates to me in my situation. I know that most people might not feel the same. It's very individual.
I was totally in love with DH for nearly 3 decades (god that makes me sound more ancient than I actually am). We were together from teens.
We grew up together and were (I thought) blissfully happy.
He had a dangerous hobby and every day for years I worried that he'd be killed. How would I cope/live without him ? What of the DCs ?
WE were always laughing, joking, never fought, there were ups and downs of course but generally we were a perfect match (I thought) and he never gave me any reason to believe otherwise.
If he had died it would have been unimaginably terrible. I loved him more than life itself. I would have been in a very dark place for a very long time and the sadness would have been all consuming but I would have had support from his family and friends and my family and friends and wonderful memories and thousands of photos to look at with the DCs, all of us touching pictures of him with tears rolling down our faces and saying how wonderful and gorgeous he was and how happy we all were when he was here and how much we all loved him and how effing unfair it was that he'd been taken from us. We'd bring flowers to his grave and cry and laugh and tell him jokes to cheer each us all up and we'd feel so warm and comforted that he'd loved us so much and so sad because we knew that he didn't want to leave us etc etc etc...............
I know it sounds awful to say but that's bloody luxurious compared to what actually did happen.
No support from his family, ditto mine. No word from his friends.
The shear horror of divorce.
A dear depparted H doesn't try to sell your house and take half the procceds or parade his gf or neglect his DCs or act like a twunt or turn your past into a lie, or make you feel like shit and reduce you to a shivering, suicidal nervous wreck, or insult you or try and destroy you without a second thought or
make your DCs feel like crap, or send you horrid solicitors letters so you dread the postman coming.
A dear depparted H doesn't leave you bitter and angry and full of hate and dependent on ADs, councelling, ....
A DDH doesn't leave you fantasising about hitmen and wondering if you were really as inadequate, fat and ugly as he said.
For me, a dear departed H would have been a boody luxury and I live in hope.