ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Chairmum, my own experience is that the generosity dries up fairly rapidly . When you get yourself sorted you'll be fine though.

My ex twunt did sweet shag all around the house so won't be missed in that dept. I do however miss the cleaner, gardener, handymen etc..........

I don't really partake in either online shopping or shagging so I'm safe in that dept................

Youknownothing, can't answer that as I don't think mine know where the bins where never mind what days they went out .

Appliances do intend to implode in sympathy with marriages imploding, don't know what that's all about but I had a lot of things break, explode, fall down etc in the wake of exh's departure!

I really wasn't worried about the money aspect with my H until he started saying he wanted his name taken off the joint account so he's not responsible for my spending. He seems to have dropped that when I told him not to be so stupid - that I haven't changed and I'm not suddenly about to start lying to him and doing things I have said I won't. Stupid man, but it has made me worry.

When my brother left his wife (my best friend) her washing machine broke down within days and flooded her kitchen. There's something freaky about houses and marriages clearly.

Hi Chairmum, again from experience I think you might be better to seperate yourself financially. If I were you I would go ahead & remove his name from the joint account or else set up a new account just in your own name.

Once they've moved out & moved on, you've no idea what they might be capable of. They're certainly not the man you would have known in your marriage.

I've got one in my own name too, the agreement is that we're leaving the house bills in the joint account (and nothing else) and both putting money in there to cover them. Its supposed to be a temporary separation...

Off to sleep now. Night all!

Ok Ifyourhappy, I give up. I've gone back twice to the old thread to check your name & I can't see the clever thing you've done .

Hi Chairmum, didn't realise it was supposed to be a temporary separation........... Nite.

Starting - I did the thing where if you hover over my name now you get the extra bit (ok it's not that clever but is clever for me!)

Well done Ifyourhappy, v good & here's me thinking you had altered it in someway!

I feel like a silly puppy now nighty night

I will not watch Arachnophobia
I will not watch Arachnophobia
I will not watch Arachnophobia...

starting - I am not hopeful that we will get back together, and to be honest, at the moment there is a lot that he has to change before I would take him back.

However, I am trying to demonstrate to him (as far as I can) that I expect him not to give up, and trying to maintain some trust and communication between us seems like an essential thing. It is hard, but I'm trying to walk that fine line between getting on with my life and not giving up on him entirely.

Dear all, back again!
Miaow - if you need stuff for baby and there is not much money to go around - can I recommend Freecycle. It's online, and everything on it is free. People post ads for what they want and what they have, and then you just give them a call or send an email. It works fantastically well, and is totally free of charge. I have both given and been given and I really love it. In fact in my area, there was a lady who posted a request for baby clothes for a baby girl just yesterday.

I am still sitting in a sea of boxes, with nowhere to go (and need to be out by Monday). Ex-DP moved all his stuff out yesterday - I came home from work and there was a lot of stuff just gone, He didn't tell me, of course he didn't have to but it feels really final... He is arranging all sorts of stuff for himself and doesn't even let me know.

This morning we did some stuff together and everything felt scarily like it was all normal and we would go home like a happy family. But that's not the case of course, and I will really, really miss him.

I told my dad last week. His reaction was; "Oh really. That's not great. Well, you'll get over it. Pass the salt please." Men, are they all totally insensitive!?

Hi Chairmum, I know exactly what you mean. It took me a long long time to give up on my marriage. In the long run however this might be for the best cause at least you'll know you did everything you possibly could to save your marriage. Anyway, as your pg it would be very hard to just shut the door completely for now. Just take things a day at a time & see what happens. The reality is that it's probably out of your hands anyway as it takes two to work on a marriage .

Hi lis, sending you virtual hugs. I remember well that horrible sick feeling of it being so final when exh moved his stuff . Really hope you manage to sort your accommodation. Things will start getting a bit easier for you then.

Sorry for saying this but your dad sounds very insensitive. I don't think this is a normal reaction at all & I wouldn't use this as a comparrison for all men.

Lis - H was on freecycle and we've got some great stuff from there before. You did remind me to sign up for myself though

DS has just come back - glad to have him back although it would have been nice to actually rest while he was away - and H gave me a bunch of flowers and a mothers day card. Guilt I suppose but it just makes me a bit sad that he probably wouldn't have remembered to do that normally.

And here's the really f*&%ed up thing - I noticed that on the right hand side of this web page is a link to an ovulation calculator and a due date planner and it made me cry buckets. He's walked out, whilst I was thinking about a sister or brother for DD, and thinking how much I didn't want her to be an only child sad]

Chairmum - I am really sorry, I know you're in the totally opposite position, and I am not saying it is good! Just that I personally so much wanted another child, and I am old enough now that realistically speaking, with DP gone, if I were ever to find someone else it would probably be too late.

Can you tell I am going mad from all the stress...

Lis - I completely understand how you feel. While I'm terrified of doing the baby thing alone I'm also very grateful I will have the 2 kids I wanted because I can't imagine trusting another man enough to want to have kids with him. I would be really sad and find it hard to accept that DS would probaby be my only.

I hope you find somewhere to live soon too! Not what you need on top of being left

Aww welcome to all new folk. Glad we have a shiny new thread.

Lis -so sorry youre going through the moving out thing -that is painful. And yes I did the days out feeling normal and then the pain of him going was awful. Ive got used to it all now though. And also I think your dad was unusually insensitive - not what I would expect.

And yes I understand the pain of not having a child you wanted - i wanted another and H completely scuppered that for me. I feel bad that DD will have DS to keep an eye on on her own (altho wasnt only reason I wanted another) I can also understand how its hard to face having a baby on your own.

If yourHappy Like your clever thing -like little quirky things like thatAm also prud of how efficiently I organise the bins now -and good level of recycling/composting that now happens so very little in bin now really. Bit green me -

Did something really stupid though today -forgot to go to pub and missed friends. Got working and forgot time. Never mind -learn from it and dont do it again. Could have easily done work later And tommorrrows another day

I like smileys too

What's everyone doing for Mothers' Day? BF and I (that's Best Friend, not boyfriend) and one of her daughters, and DS and I are going to pizza hut for lunch - how exciting are we.

Today has improved. The carpet is still damp but it looks really clean! DS doesn't seem to be bothered by the change in arrangements yet, which is good.

The change in my attitude recently is huge, and I'm putting a lot of it down to the anti-depressants kicking in. I'm wishing I'd done this years ago because I haven't felt this in control for as long as I can remember. THe feelings are still there but they're managable, and I'm so much more able to deal with stuff, like DS taking about 40 minutes to settle at bedtime.

Evening Fellow Dumplings, hope your all keeping ok.

Hi lis, I guess for now you need to keep the focus on trying to cope with the practical stuff like finding somewhere to live. Who knows if you will have more dc's or not but it is certainly a lot easier for women to have dc's later & later now. Also look at this a different way if you only ever have dd you've got to trust that something really good will come from all of this. Maybe you will have the opportunity to have a really close relationship with dd etc.....keep the faith.

Hi Chairmum, enjoy having your ds home & hopefully next time you will get to rest.

Hi Mumfun, don't always read other threads but I've had to bite down on temptation to forward your quote to twunt!

Here's wishing all of my fellow dumplings a great day tomorrow. I think we should take this opportunity to clap ourselves on the back & say well done for keeping the show on the road with dc's in the face of adversity!

Would it be ok to join this thread? My tragic/ pathetic story is here

It's not technically over but we've been separated 4 months and he still cannot end it with the OW

Be nice to not feel alone.

Hi all - and a special hello to Teaandcake - of course you can join.

My XH is still with OW also! although of course apparently that had nothing to do with the breakdown of our relationship . Have you tried reading Not Just Friends? - a damn good read I think. I do wonder whether if I'd read it when XH started off on the road with OW, things might have ended differently. Maybe not, it takes two to tango after all.

Mother's Day? - a time for pampering for us all I think. Hopefully some attention from the DC's (we'll see on that front? mine have said they will lie in til lunchtime ) and even if not, a jolly realaxing day doing whatever I want to do methinks.

Hello all, A lapsed dumpling here (although only in posting spirit, no action to speak of to keep my mind off things)

This weekend has been the first without my dcs (3.9 and 11 months). I have done some major shopping and eaten my tea at 10pm.

Am now a little tiddly but planning a big walk tomorrow before the dcs come home.

Startingover ...have been crap in the fb dept. Will sort.

Chairmum, pizza hut with bf sounds great. Enjoy.

Hi Tea & Cakes, Welcome aboard. Hope this thread might be of support to you. Feel free to bitch, moan, share the good days etc..

Hi Ifyourhappy, be kind to yourself tomorrow. If the dc's don't manage breakfast in bed I'm sure they'll make up for it later on in the day.

Hi Mavis, Wow, great to hear from you again. Hope you're enjoying the break from dc's but I can imagine it must be hard for the first time also. Be kind to yourself tomorrow. I'm totally crap in the fb dept also . Most of my friends have given up on me I'd say!!

My dc's are all excited about tomorrow. I know my mother helped dd buy me something that she's stashed in her room (that I'm not meant to know anything about). I also gave dd money in supermarket y'day to get me something, I suggested the chocs on special offer & a magazine but I couldn't help noticing that she picked up a bunch of flowers also. I had to pretend not to have noticed .

I'm going to my parents for dinner & my pg sister will be there too with her dh. It will be an emotional day for us also as my brother died tragically at end of dec , will be a tough day for my poor mother .

Hi Maybees, hope all is well with you & that you enjoyed your dd's show. Have a great day tomorrow.