ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No3

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Thanks Moviegirl i have 2 DC's aged 7 and 9 and close family all rallying round to help, yesterday XP said I should be getting over it but its only been 2 weeks I'm not sure I can progress that quickly!!! Just told him I was not a complete heartless (swear word) like him and it was going to take more than 2 weeks to put 10 years behind me, never realised you could feel so much pain like someone is ripping your heart out on a daily basis.

i know exactly where you are coming from and how you are feeling.

the only thing to do is to try and focus on normal things like spending time with dc's, I swear my house has never been so clean. I am lucky enough to have a job I love so that helps me - too busy to sit in office crying. But it is sooo hard. Late at night is the worst, when you mind starts to wonder , your heart aches.......

I have started reading again - used to love reading but never found the time, with DH and DC. But went out last week and bought four books of bestseller list and am making time to read them..... even if it is at 3am in the morning. Better than crying.

i hope you can find a way through this soon. YOU deserve better.

Wow movie girl you could be me I have got 3 books been wanting to read for a while will give it a try luckily this past 2 weeks it has been school hols or I probably would have gone mad.

movie and betty - my H told me he didn't love me any more, and that was one of the most horrible experiences of my life.

It hurt so much to start with, but I have realised that what I missed was actually the idea of what we had - what I was trying to keep together. Perhaps what we had before DS. Its only been a couple of months since he told me and I know I am very lucky that I am not hurting like so many of you seem to be.

I do still have hope though. I think we can be friends again and then perhaps more, because it really did work once. The hope is the hardest. And the thought that they will probably move on first.

pink - I can understand why that thread upset you but some people just don't seem able to provide the support for their friends that they need. I've known plenty of them and it made me distrustful for a long time - its only now that I am learning to trust again because I can't be alone. People aren't letting me down thankfully. The ones that really understand won't!

I'm looking forward to dinner and cinema tonight anyway.

Thanks for kind words chairmum at the moment I am still wondering where it all went wrong but I have to admit I have often thought to myself I did not know why we were together. I know for a couple of years he has only stayed because of DS's. Anyway off to work now so that will take my mind off things for a few hours x

Hi all - welcome Betty, you are amongst those that have been there done that and got the tshirt

I know it all feels cr** but soon you will be dancing, hearing about the many Dumpling exploits, on occasions having a rant and shining your sink

Here I am thinking about the joys of single parenthood

At work - just called home. One DC is having a party (wtf) and the other is ill

And BE is off sh

Guess I'd better get home and look after DC's then

Hello Dumplings, I have regained my composure fully after yesterdays blip. I don't know what I'd have done without you all, I felt so cared for (sounds a bit slushy). It's a bloody vipers nest out there at times.... I must not stray again.........tis tempting though to sometimes venture where the scarey grown ups circle each other, it was like being in the scarey bits in Jurrasic Park. (slight exageration)

I truly thank you all for coming to my rescue.

Anyway, moving on....Starting, I hope you're not too achey from gardening. Maybe when we all have a meet up we should go to the local tattoo parlour and "get done". Just something small and tasteful for me like FFS on my forehead and possibly a few facial piercings while I'm at it.

Betty, there's no button you can press to stop loving him, it's a work in progress that for me has already been 2 years and is helped along by the horrid things he does.

My only real goal for this year is to stop loving him and I can feel that I am getting there but slowly. You will too but it takes time.

The fact that your DH said you should be getting over it after 2 weeks indicates that he's a complete TWUNT (the most useful word in Dumpling Land) and as sutch, the road to loving him less and then not at all will be quicker.

I never realised the pain could be so great either, yes, it's like having your heart ripped out and stamped on.

It will get better but it's a very long haul and if there are DCs then you can never break awy completely unfortunately.

Maybees prayer is very useful and also Starting's shortened version.

Do what ever you can to make yourself feel better about yourself and more attractive. Sounds shallow but it really helps the self esteem.

Teaandcake, the thought of H and gf getting pg fills me with total horror and I don't know how I'd cope at all but I've coped with things so far so........

God it's hard being a dumpling isn't it

but we have to nuture ourselves in order to

cope with the demands of the DCs and everything else.

Moviegirl, I had a couple of long direct debit days a few weeks ago but felt so good when it was done and sorted.

Chair... thankyou and sorry it took so long for you to get home on Sat.

Hi all

Loved meeting the lovely ladies who made the meet on Saturday - sorry I missed all the life histories but glad I caught up on some of it!

Hope to meet more of you next time!

Ooh - love the mentions of Dex Dexter - yum
Happy -realy lke your quote!
Pink -sorry you had that upset and glad your behaved like a true dumpling and regained your serenity and fabulosity! Great post for newbies on what you have to go through as a dunpling.
Tea - you are so right re the selfishness
Movie - sorry things are so sh*t right now
Dutchy - glad you are having a great time!
Starting - love the music - heard it a few weeks ago and thought how right it was for me
MB - glad your humourous (hah) is still iintact

Bit shellshocked as H starting to be nice to me. Had noticed a change a few weeks ago and said to counsellor - and more and more. Hmm - bit too much to post on MN but will see how it goes for now.

And Chairmum -didnt mean to leave you. Sorry it took you so long to ge home. Was also think today that you are one of my current favourite Mumsnetter names alongside Foxytocin!

Waves to everyone else!

Anyone read "The Owl Killers" by Karen Maitland? One of the four books I had bought last week. Read 2 of the others - Crucifix killer and Lovely Bones - both excellent but not sure if I am going to like this one. Seems strange and might be one of those books that takes a long time to get into. Just wondered if anyone had read it.
Maybe I should have choosen "the goodwives guide to poisoning and hitmen" instead

I am into scary gory stuff by the way - hate all that girly romance stuff - god forbid I have any of that Saying that if Liam Neeson/Harrison Ford/Russell Crowe/Daniel Craig/85 year old millionaire with a heart problem or George clooney want to wine and dine me i might just be up for it

Hi Betty, glad you've been getting some good advice on here. Hang in there & keep posting.

Hi Chairmum, hope you enjoy your night out.

Hi Moviegirl, hope things have settled a bit for you with H.

Hi Happy, hope all is ok at home.

Hi Pink, glad you've got over the upset of the other thread.

Hi Mumfun, that all sounds great, hope it keeps going in that direction for you.

Hi Maybees, hope you're doing ok.

Hi Tea, you seem to be sounding more & more positive. Hope all's going well for you.

Hi Scorps, if you're still about, hope all's well.

Waves to all......

DH still doesnt know what "HE" wants to do. He is sitting down stairs munching a ham sarnie and bag of crisps watching Joanna Lumley - I could never compare.

I am upstairs with my laptop watching football on sky - something really wrong with that I am sure but I do like footie.

So the wait goes on..... all finances sorted out so that is something.

strange though it is DH birthday this weekend. Do i buy pressie and card? do i care? He talks about us all going out for a meal in one breath and then int he next says he is looking for a flat to rent.

I am starting to think i am living with twins - his mood swings and chain of thoughts are so mixed up and confused - and there was me thinking it was I....

back to work tomorrow so 6am start. DC off into country with parents for the day which he will enjoy.

Hi Moviegirl, I do a lot of reading but haven't read that one. I'm reading the girl with the pearl tattoo triology at the mo. It's prob right up your alley as includes gruesome/murder etc.

Well spent most of day in & out of garden. Am half dead from it at this stage but am determined to get it sorted.

Something really strange happened today. I have to get a job done & it would cost quite a bit. It's the area that exh works in so after running it by a friend I decided I'd feck all to loose & sent him a text saying I had to do x & hadn't really the money to do it at the mo. Within about 2mins phone rang, I was afraid to answer it in case he was going to scream & rant. Was actually a worker saying exh told him to sort x. Within about an hr two workers arrived to look at job & will start tomorrow. I don't know what to make of it, it's the weirdest thing ever.

One of the men that I knew asked for a few other bits that exh wants along with threadmill. Will now of course have to empty out all the trash I'd packed up for exh .

The second fella was someone I'd never met before but I swear to god he was drop dead gorgeous! I was staring goggly eyed at him for awhile & wondering would I manage a quick sh*g over course of job when second guy interrupted. Was daydreaming about him while doing garden when it suddenly occurred to me that maybe exh is checking me out in some kind of weird test!!!!! Will she try shagging the worker ! Will have to keep away from him .

I nearly feel more scared now than when exh was behaving like a wa*ker! At least I knew what I was dealing with then. I am back in court again with exh at the end of May . Maybe they are just planing to bug the house & Mr sexy was sent as a distraction?? Will have to keep an eye out

Moviegirl, why not get a present & card for dc to give him?? That's what I've done with my exh for xmas & b'days since his twuntery commenced.

Hi all

Just settled down to thread after food, DCs chat, friend catch up and emailing!

A lot seems to have happened today on here.

Starting, good advice on the present there for Movie I think and good to see you back in action checking out the talent. How annoying that you can't just jump in there with the gorgeous guy. Will watch how this one develops. Hope that all goes ok with XH organising work.

Important - end of thread alert - who will do the honours? it could be tonight!

Can I please join? am in need of advice and some understanding.
Quick background: Am 32 weeks pregnant with DC3, Husband walked out 3 weeks ago. He met another woman on FB middle of feb (I had no idea) and after meeting her for the day in march he came home and said it would never work between us. I told him to go and decide exactly what he wanted, which he has done and he has decided to make a go of it with ow. This has left me devastated and lost, especially as he keeps telling me that I did nothing wrong, so why is he doing this to us?
Thanks for listening

Oh god Shauri, that sounds terrible. Don't know what to say to you really. There was another lady on here called Scorps who's H did the same thing more or less. She had a seperate thread running & got some great advice on that. I don't remember the name but I'll do a search for it now.

There's also a lady called Chairmum here who's also pg & who's H left that might be able to offer you some advice (no OW though). Sorry I can't be of more help but keep posting. It just sounds dreadful.

Hugs to Shauri

awful situation

thank you for the reply starting, am just in shock and not quite sure which way to turn. Any help/advice will be much appreciated

Hi Shauri

How awful - it sounds like it's pretty much out of the blue and at such a difficult time
Have you got people around you that can help you and the DCs?

Lovely to have you come and talk with us

As well as talking to us, I'd recommend that you create your own thread too - there are some real infidelity experts on MN who will help you to understand what has happened here

Shauri, don't be put off by the fact that we will have a new thread of our own appearing here in just seconds probably!

Thanks, wasn't sure what to post as a thread, will think on that tonight. My family are not local but mum has popped up to help with the dc for a week to give me a break.

Hi Shauri, sorry I've done a search but can't find her thread. Does anyone else remember the name of scorps thread?? This could be v helpful to you.

The only advice I could offer off hand is that you get as much RL support as possible. You need to take care of yourself as much as you possible can for now. I think Happy is right maybe post another thread to get advice specifically about OW etc. Keep posting here too though. We will offer as much support as we can.

Happy, I was wondering what you were on about. I was thinking why are we starting a new thread, it's not fri so what could it be?? Just twigged we're at the end. God that went fast . You do the honours this time............

Ok Happy, off you go...........