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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Heartbroken and alone

190 replies

Numptynoggin · 02/03/2010 09:48

haven't posted on here for ages, but badly need someone to talk to.

I am a single mum and met a wonderful man 3 months ago. We were suited on every level and he made love to me like I have never ever been loved before. now he has ended it to get back together with an ex, and I am utterly devastated. We still talk every day as friends, and he has continued to suport me emotionally through some difficult times, and I cannot do without his contact. But I cry myself to sleep at night at the thought she is in his bed, that he is making love to her, cooking with her, laughing with her.

I miss him so so much, and just don't know how to handle this. Trying to keep it together for the kids, but so hard. Hurting so badly.

OP posts:
MuthaHubbard · 06/03/2010 19:07

glad to see you are doing better and fingers crossed for you for Monday.

you are doing really well. he is obv incredibly selfish, feeling hurt because you've blocked him - awww diddums.......like i said, he's only wanting to stay friends with you to make himself feel better.

does his girlfriend know he is texting another woman things like 'babe/hair stroking' etc. i would be pissed off if my boyfriend was sending messages to another woman like that.

you will have up days and down ones, but you will be okay - you sound lovely

Monty100 · 06/03/2010 19:56

Hi Numpty lol at getting chatted up on fb. Early days I know, but don't let ex stop you meeting new people, it doesn't mean you have to jump in, but its good to even make new friends.

As MH said, you do sound lovely, and you're doing really well.

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 06/03/2010 22:38

Hi Mutha and Monty... thanks for saying I sound nice.... I am sure his new woman doesn't know, but not even going to go there... nothing I can do about it....

feeling sad tonight, not that it's over, but that, oh, I don't know, that it's all got so, sort of tacky? does that make sense?

anyway.... polishing my fmbs for monday.... but for that day they will have to be f* off boots.... ....

have a lovely rest of the weekend ladies... think I will go to bed now. my littlest one is not the best at sleeping as I have said, so think I will try to get a bit of sleep while I can

thanks for your support btw.... you have no idea how much it has helped, and is still helping.... will let you know how Mon goes

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Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 11:33

text this am saying how much he was looking forward to seeing me tomorrow.... speechless

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MuthaHubbard · 07/03/2010 11:48

numpty, you are bound to feel a little sad about the way things have turned out - it's natural.

hopefully you are getting a little bit more sleep which will also help.

keep with the ingnoring of texts....wtf is he sending you texts like that for?? it does sound like he might be trying to keep you dangling in case things don't work with ow

ignore, ignore, ignore.

keep posting too...MN was a great help when i had my heartbroken x

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 13:26

thank you... just worried I might end up boring you all, but I am confining it to here.. no one in real life is being subjected to it..

that's why I am so sad... that he is trying to keep me in reserve, so to speak... and not v nice to think his new woman is in store for the same, I suppose... but not going to get involved with that.... I will only look like it is sour grapes.

ho hum, off to play footie with my guys... have a good afternoon MH

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MuthaHubbard · 07/03/2010 14:57

i agree with you that it is sometimes better to post here and witter on about things than say or do something daft in RL so don't worry about boring anyone - like i said, i got some lovely support on here when i went through a bad patch.

hope you are having a lovely afternoon with your guys x

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 16:16

had a trying afternoon with my oldest.... he kept fighting with his brother... ended up coming home early... used to bounce this stuff off 'the numptyfucker', and he was really good at putting it in perspective, as his kids were older.. miss that side of it Iguess too.

oh well, better take some brave pills and brave the parenting threads again.... [trepidatious emoticon].... although some of the oldies seem to have gone... no sign of cod or some of the others?

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chippychippybangbang · 07/03/2010 17:12

Cod's about. She's just a prolific namechanger. The typing always gives her away! I think lots of oldies are about, just in disguise.

Glad you are staying strong. You need it for tomorrow!!

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 19:03

feeling low tonight... sorry my emotions are chaging so quickly... trespassing on your good will here ladies... I know there is no going back... but this licking wounds thing is not without its own discomfort.... fukity fuck (am not mooning SM, just hurting) just had a text pic from him of his bathroom he is re tiling... why? we chose the fucking tiles together....

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Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 19:05

so... what do I do? go with the fuck you, fmb plan? or just turn up in fleece and wellies, looking shitty? your thoughts please?

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Lycraphobe · 07/03/2010 20:23

turn up looking normal, like you hadn't given a thought to dressing for the occasion.

If you go dressed to the nines, then he'll think you are trying to impress him. (and he will text you later with a compliment to test you..)

If you go in wellies, he'll think you're so distraught that you've stopped looking after yourself (and he'll text you later to say he is concerned and still cares etc..)

If you go dressed like you normally dress on a Monday in March, then the message you give him is that you are not bothered about him.

Lycraphobe · 07/03/2010 20:26

As to the tiles text, i'd be so tempted to either text back a photo of my bathroom or just a question mark. Why would you care now what his bathroom looks like?? (But its better to not reply at all)

MuthaHubbard · 07/03/2010 20:42

agree with lycra - ignore texts yet again (odd thing to do to send a pic of tiles?!?!) and turn up tomorrow looking nice and normal. like you are getting on with things, not overcompensating or down in the dumps.

your emotions will be up and down for a while i'm afraid, but try to keep yourself busy (i practically redecorated!!) and stay strong and ignore.

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 21:06

fuck... he has just texted a pic of him drinking the bottle of wine I gave him for his birthday...

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Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 21:21

so unfair.... trying to move on.... sooo hard.... why would he still do this?

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gonnabehappy · 07/03/2010 21:28

he is a total tosser - after you have swapped all the gear tomorrow block his number. Send him one text explaining that if he needs to contact you about anything, the children perhaps, use email. It will be a lot more under your control than getting these shitty texts.

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 21:38

yes... fuck.... crying here.... is it not enough he has screwed me over without this?

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TheBolter · 07/03/2010 22:02

I'm late in to this thread, but Numpty the guy is a total jerk. I mean, really. What a loser. Has he nothing better to do than send you sad, attention seeking texts?

He sounds like one of those men that preys on lonely, vulnerable women. Come on, you're better off without him.

I really think that the way you are mooning over him is not normal. Sorry, but someone with what I would call an 'average' sense of self esteem would not let anyone manipulate them in this way.

You are being clingy and needy, and you need to address this issue. You need to work on building up a sense of self-worth that is not reliant on anybody else. Have you thought about counselling? It is a brilliant way of talking through issues and focussing on yourself and your emotional needs.

You've done really well so far, but you need to cut him out completely. Stop blaming him for your sadness, and focus it on your need for more self-belief. Take control. You can do it. NOBODY should be capable of making you feel less than who you are. Nobody has the right to manipulate your feelings. You are your own person, an entity separate to him. Take control.

Sorry if my post is harsh but I really hate to 'see' people being so helpless.

TheBolter · 07/03/2010 22:03

And a very un-mumsnetty followed by a manly pat on the back accompanied by another large g&t and box of Kleenex.

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 22:15

I am not mooning... just processing.... and I have no one in real life to do it with,,,, and if you rea back you will see how far I have come in a dhort time.... so if you are going to be harsh, then don;t..... doing ok on here with mutha and monty

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Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 22:18

and I would love to have an average sense of self esteem,,, and thank you for criticising me that I don;t........ took a lot of balls to come on here to talk about this.... cheers for making me feel worse

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MuthaHubbard · 07/03/2010 22:32

i do agree that it might be best to tell him that from now on if he absolutely needs to contact you then to only do so via email. tell him you do not appreciate the unnecessary updates and you feel they are very inappropriate. after tomorrow there is no need for contact and i think you would be best having zero contact with him, i think this helped me to get over things a little quicker. he seems to want to keep you dangling, which is very unhealthy for you - and its you you need to concentrate on.

he probably won't like the fact that you are ignoring his texts (which I hope you are still doing) which is why he is sending pathetic pics. and he is pathetic, keeping you in the background like this 'just in case'. eugh.

you are doing okay, every one takes their own time to heal in their own way. him texting you this kind of bollocks isn't helping - worst case scenario is you might have to change your number.

get angry again, you sounded better angry!!

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 07/03/2010 22:33

grrrrrr..... is that ok?

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MuthaHubbard · 07/03/2010 22:36

lol - even pretend angry is good!! and you should be angry at the way he's treated you.

try to be alooooooof, normal and strong tomorrow. even if all you say is 'here's your things, there is now no need to text me any longer, take care, bye' and you whizz round the corner, park up and burst into tears. you will feel better once it's over with.