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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Heartbroken and alone

190 replies

Numptynoggin · 02/03/2010 09:48

haven't posted on here for ages, but badly need someone to talk to.

I am a single mum and met a wonderful man 3 months ago. We were suited on every level and he made love to me like I have never ever been loved before. now he has ended it to get back together with an ex, and I am utterly devastated. We still talk every day as friends, and he has continued to suport me emotionally through some difficult times, and I cannot do without his contact. But I cry myself to sleep at night at the thought she is in his bed, that he is making love to her, cooking with her, laughing with her.

I miss him so so much, and just don't know how to handle this. Trying to keep it together for the kids, but so hard. Hurting so badly.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 02/03/2010 23:25

I do remember how this feels: something I found helpful was to give myself little slaps on the back for each time I managed an hour without bubbling, then another pat for two hours, then a whole day, and it wasn;t that long before it was a week then weeks at a time and I was over it. You will get over it.

Monty100 · 02/03/2010 23:39

My heart goes out to you.

Is there any chance you could get away somewhere nice for a couple of days? Catch up with some close friends?

Big fat warm hug to you.

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 03/03/2010 08:49

he messaged me late last night to apologise for being a crap friend, which I couldn't find the words to respond to. I haven't texted him this am, which is the first day ever, and resigning myself he will not get in contact. Aslo put a status on fb last night to say I would not be on there for a few days, as I was tired of amusing people, which he will know is directed at him. strongest I can be I am afraid. thanks all> can't turn off the phone cos of school etc.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 03/03/2010 09:23

look he isnt a mate,he is ex-lover who broke it off.sorry at the mo is daft to try blur boundaries and be palsy with a man you considered the one

let time elapse.get some closure.then see if you can be pals

but yiu and he need to accept you were not just pals,you were lovers.you felt a profound emotional connection to him.

sorry but he cant have this all ways,the ex girlfriend mooning around.him still texting you and now has his new lover too

you need to be stong and cease contact.get some boundaries.let yourself heal.put some time and distance between you both

you wont do this still being in contact

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 03/03/2010 11:49

well, as I said, I have made a start....

OP posts:
redflagornot · 03/03/2010 11:53

keep going numpty. Give yourself a little treat tonight if you get through the day without texting him. You have to take that power back asap. You are doing so well, keep posting and I'll keep checking back on here!

Monty100 · 03/03/2010 14:50

Keep posting Numpty. MN is supportive. You're doing well. You won't heal overnight but every day you'll get closer. Take care.

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 03/03/2010 14:52

texted at lunchtime... weak I know.... but only one brief exchange, and the tone was not affectionate... it's a step in the right direction... normally by now there would have been 20 or so

OP posts:
gonnabehappy · 03/03/2010 15:00

Don't laugh at me but, there is a Paul McKenna book about assisting the process of falling out of love. It and the CD are excellent. Most of his advice is along the same lines as people have been writing here!

I have a copy that I would be very happy to post to you. Tell you what, I'll post the copy for free and you promise not to text him back if/when he next sends you a text. Take back some control honey.

You can do this.

scottishmummy · 03/03/2010 15:07

numpty,you are torturing yourself about unavailable man.someone else lover.not your lover hes with someone else

and tbh if you keep grubbing around making contact you are setting self up for more heartache

time to mooooooooooove on
get a big grip hen

he has moved on, so should you

before you turn into the scary bulgy eyed ex of urban myth

Numptynoggin · 03/03/2010 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 03/03/2010 16:50

Thanks gonna... how do I give you my address without posting on here?

OP posts:
Original poster
Numptynoggin · 03/03/2010 17:06

scottiseh mummy, i hope this is tough love..... but be gentler please.... I am trying, and this is better than I was yesterday..... still early days,,,,. surely I can grieve a little on here, anonymously without turning into a bunny boiler

OP posts:
Original poster
Numptynoggin · 03/03/2010 23:14

ok..... texted him today to ask him to collect his stuff.... very civilised, polite etc all above board and non stalker ish....

he asked me how I was and after the kids... he also asked how much sleep I was getting.. as they are dreadful at getting up. when I told him I had had 2 hours last night, his last text was 'hugging you and stroking your hair softly'

go figure

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/03/2010 07:20

ewww

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 04/03/2010 07:39

huh, AF?

OP posts:
BenHer · 04/03/2010 09:24

I think AF may mean she's having trouble keeping her breakfast down after reading the content of his last text.

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 04/03/2010 09:49

oh, it gets better.... am angry now, which is a place I need to be in....

this morning's text (NOT in response to one I sent, btw), was

"Morning 'numpty', hope you have added to your tally of slept hours :-) am off on my travels now (which is his way of saying he is spending the day with her and not to text him)hope you have a pleasant day babe xxxxx)

before I came on here, that would have just killed me, now it seems the scales are falling from my eyes at a rapid rate.... yeah, he is a tosser.

OP posts:
itsmeitsmeolord · 04/03/2010 10:15

FFS he is an utter wankstain. Delete his number so that you can't text him. If a text comes in from him delete it without reading.

Don't put updates on facebook, it will feed his ego.
Don't let on you aren't getting enough sleep etc. I can bet you £100 if you replied breezily that you had loads of sleep, really looking forward to a date tonight, life is fab etc he would be gone.
He is an emotional vampire, he is the type of cock who preys on people having a shit time because it makes his ego feel good when he thinks he is "helping" the downtrodden female population.
He has a veritable harem of women who "need" him.

And would you really want him stroking your hair when you know where his hands have been lately?

And as for his sneaky way of letting you know not to text him... YUK!

You have had such a lucky escape.

irmacrabbe · 04/03/2010 10:19

You were only with him 3 months. The way you've allowed him to manipulate you speaks of low self-esteem. Ho dare he talk about stroking your hair when he's dumped you?
Where's your pride?

Get over him and thank yourself that you didn't spend 3 years with him or 30.

gonnabehappy · 04/03/2010 10:52

Tosser would just about sum him up I think.

I think you can CAT me an address to send book to

Monty100 · 04/03/2010 11:53

Numpty - he's a cad. Tell him to do one.

autumnlight · 04/03/2010 12:24

Numpty - it is not 'good of him to be patient with you while you adjust to this'. Please do not think like this. He sounds like a complete bastard. Keep away from him. No contact. Do not give him the pleasure of playing with you.

Original poster
Numptynoggin · 04/03/2010 13:18

imra, i have pride, and as I said, I am now angry, but when I first posted this I needed to break my heart over it, then get to the angry stage, and now I am angry I can move on.

meeting him on Mon to give him his stuff back... refused his suggestion of a meal, just said I would drop it off on my way to pick up from school.... (which means I can do it within 30 secs as I am sure I will be in a rush and running late)

and I will make damn sure I am not looking needy vulnerable or sad.... in fact, I feel like making sure I am looking bloody good in a putting two fingers up way.

now don't anyone castigate me for that. only 3 days ago if he had suggested a meal I would have leapt at the chance.... so thanks to you all, I am doing well.

Still really angry he sent that text last night followed by the one this morning.

OP posts:
chippychippybangbang · 04/03/2010 13:26

Well done numpty, anger is a much more healthy response. Keep going! He is just playing you, but dressing it up as being a caring friend. You don't need a friend like him. Tell him to do one..