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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Another woman fancies my fiancé

393 replies

Robsia · 28/02/2010 21:12

The week before my fiancé G met me (15 months ago, to put the time frame on it) he had a date with a girl called T who he met off the same dating site he met me.

He went back to her house afterwards and, to put it bluntly, she gave him oral sex.

Anyway, she was very taken with him (even talked marriage on the first date!) but he was less taken with her - found her tedious and boring in fact. When he met me, he never looked back. He gave her the excuse that he wasn't over his wife leaving him and was not ready for a relationship.

Since their first date, she has been ringing him daily at first, although it dropped to weekly after a while and is about monthly now. Most of the time he doesn't take the calls but occasionally talks to her out of 'politeness'. She still thinks there could be something there when he is over his break-up and the poor girl has no idea he is engaged to me!

This weekend we were at his house and he had gone out for a short while. The house phone rang and I answered it and it was a woman:

Her: Oh, I think I've got the wrong number.
Me: Are you after G**?
Her: Um yes.
Me: Oh he's just popped out for a bit.
Her. Oh. Er, I'll try again later then.
Me: Who shall I say called?
Her: Tell him it was T**.

I told him when he got home and he showed me a text she had sent him saying that she had rung the home phone and "someone" had answered and she hoped she hadn't got him into trouble.

Now - I have absolutely no doubt that he is doing NOTHING with this girl - I think she is the wronged (although a touch obsessive) party in all this by holding a candle for him all this time and he hasn't let her down gently.

Now that I have her phone number, I am tempted to call her and explain the situation as ask very nicely if she wouldn't mind not ringing my fiancé again.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Robsia · 28/02/2010 21:15

Please post in THIS one - I don't know why there is a duplicate but please ignore it.

OP posts:
Karmann · 28/02/2010 21:17

She gave him oral sex but he found her tedious and boring!

The poor girl has no idea he is engaged to me!

Just look at what you've written - what a charmer!

kalo12 · 28/02/2010 21:17

i think never mind ringing her politely telling her she 's got the wrong impression, what about telling your fiance in no uncertain terms that isn't it time he ended this liaison with this woman, told her the truth and was open and direct about you and presented you to the world as his fiance, with a little bit of respect.

ffs

heQet · 28/02/2010 21:19

ok

Short answer - it doesn't matter if this woman strips naked in front of your fiance and begs him to take her right there and then - he will betray you or not of his own free will.

So don't worry about her. She can do nothing against the will of your fiance.

Your fiance should call her and tell her he is engaged and that he isn't interested, have a happy life, goodbye.

Whizzywigg · 28/02/2010 21:21

I wouldn' call her. Her "relationship" is with him - it is up to him to sort it out.

However, if it was my fiancee I would kick his bum. His behaviour is disrespectful to you both - it certainly isn't my idea of good manners at any rate.

Perhaps he enjoys the attention - to be honest, even I'm intrigued at how long she can hang in there for... boy, his dick must taste good

Robsia · 28/02/2010 21:23

The world does know we are engaged, it's just this woman who doesn't.

I have asked him to tell her, but he says it's none of her business which I think is an odd way of putting it. Personally I think he is wrong, and I have said she deserves to know, it's not fair if she still thinks she has a chance with him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/02/2010 21:23

your fiance should sort this one out

finally

if he doesn't, you should be asking him some very difficult questions

why hasn't he told her he is engaged to someone else?

is he such a passive fool he can't tell the truth ?

I feel sorry for that girl...she is being made a fool of by your lovely fiance

he needs to grow a pair

SilverMinted · 28/02/2010 21:23

yeah,,,, um, I don't think he has been 100% clear that he's not interested. He's keeping her on the back burner for blow jobs. It's you he wants to marry, but he wants the blow jobs too. Tell him to tell her he's getting married.

SolidGoldBrass · 28/02/2010 21:25

Agree with other posters: he needs to tell her politely that he is engaged and ask her to stop contacting him. Otherwise he is feeding his ego at her expense - and yours.

AnyFucker · 28/02/2010 21:25

x-posted with OP

I agree with silver

he is keeping her in the background for the administration of blow jobs

why else wouldn't he tell her if the "rest of the world" knows ??

Lulumaam · 28/02/2010 21:27

and i think he fancies her, or he would have told her immediately he was engaged

i would not be at all surprised if there was still something going on

some people t hink oral is not being unfaithful

anyway, it is her business ,she deserves not to be made a fool of

Robsia · 28/02/2010 21:29

I trust him 100% - I really do not think that he is getting blow jobs from her. Trust me, if I did he would be out the door.

But I totally think he should tell her he is engaged and I hate that he won't - I can't see the point of not telling her. So the question is - if he won't tell her, should I?

OP posts:
Karmann · 28/02/2010 21:31

AF - absolutely right (see how much better I am today?!)

SM - absolutely right. Keeping her on the back burner.

The world knows but she doesn't. She still thinks she has a chance with him - maybe she does.

AnyFucker · 28/02/2010 21:33

K...glad to see it

and you are spot on

rob...it isn't your place to tell her

you will get dragged into something that perhaps you shouldn't

if he won't tell her, I would be suspicious of his motives

Lulumaam · 28/02/2010 21:34

no, the question is why won't he tell her?

sounds odd to me

heQet · 28/02/2010 21:34

If he won't tell her, there's only one reason for that - he doesn't want her to know. Now, WHY doesn't he want her to know? He says it's none of her business? Eh? It's none of anyone's business if you think about it! But you still tell people don't you?

So he specifically doesn't want HER to know. Why? Well, we can only speculate. But he doesn't want a woman who he knows fancies him and who has been intimate with him and who carries a torch for him, to know he is in a serious relationship.

I'm glad you trust him, because I bloody wouldn't!

And I've changed my mind now I'd phone her and say "I know you had a relationship with my fiance, but I think I'd prefer it if you stopped calling him. I'm sure you understand that it's not appropriate.

MorrisZapp · 28/02/2010 21:34

Wtf has 'engagement' got to do with anything? Presumably if you're engaged then you were in a serious relationship leading up to this.

He's been in a serious relationship but chooses not to tell a girl he dated? This is hogwash. He has to either tell her, or tell you exactly why he won't tell her.

For the love of god don't even consider telling her yourself. It's just too Jeremy Kyle for words.

expo · 28/02/2010 21:36

No - you shouldn't phone her. It is up to him to phone her. ASAP

expo · 28/02/2010 21:37

Why he she still phoning him. Don't get it

expo · 28/02/2010 21:38

That was meant to say "Why is she still phoning him. Don't get it"

Karmann · 28/02/2010 21:38

Lol at Jeremy Kyle!

Do you think this is for real?

sandcastles · 28/02/2010 21:49

I love how he found her tedious & boring, but not tedious & boring enough to refuse blow job...

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/02/2010 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Robsia · 28/02/2010 22:19

Well, I have just been talking to him actually. He broke it off with her before he met me and she took it really badly - crying and fussing and begging im to change his mind - even though they had only had one date.

He has since told her that he has been going out with 'other people' and he HAS asked her not to call but she still does. As well as sending texts suggesting that they 'meet up for a coffee to catch up' which he politely declined.

TBH I think shineoncrazydiamond - you are right - but only in that she is actually slightly unhinged!!

Anyway, the upshot is that I was very firm and said, yes I know he doesn't want to hurt her blah di blah but I am officially sick and tiured of this and I would like him to tell her that he is engaged. He said yes he would do it next time she called. I said no I want him to call her and do it! Obviously not now as he is meant to be working and it is late - but soon!!

He says he will.

OP posts:
expo · 28/02/2010 22:23

Well done Robsia for talking to him about it. Saying to her that he has been going out with "other people" and saying to her that he is seeing one woman and she is soon to be his wife - it quite a different thing.

And well done for saying that he has to call her and do it - not just wait for her to call.

And stick to your guns...Well done

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