Another woman fancies my fiancé

[Robsia]

The week before my fiancé G met me (15 months ago, to put the time frame on it) he had a date with a girl called T who he met off the same dating site he met me.

He went back to her house afterwards and, to put it bluntly, she gave him oral sex.

Anyway, she was very taken with him (even talked marriage on the first date!) but he was less taken with her - found her tedious and boring in fact. When he met me, he never looked back. He gave her the excuse that he wasn't over his wife leaving him and was not ready for a relationship.

Since their first date, she has been ringing him daily at first, although it dropped to weekly after a while and is about monthly now. Most of the time he doesn't take the calls but occasionally talks to her out of 'politeness'. She still thinks there could be something there when he is over his break-up and the poor girl has no idea he is engaged to me!

This weekend we were at his house and he had gone out for a short while. The house phone rang and I answered it and it was a woman:

Her: Oh, I think I've got the wrong number.
Me: Are you after G**?
Her: Um yes.
Me: Oh he's just popped out for a bit.
Her. Oh. Er, I'll try again later then.
Me: Who shall I say called?
Her: Tell him it was T**.

I told him when he got home and he showed me a text she had sent him saying that she had rung the home phone and "someone" had answered and she hoped she hadn't got him into trouble.

Now - I have absolutely no doubt that he is doing NOTHING with this girl - I think she is the wronged (although a touch obsessive) party in all this by holding a candle for him all this time and he hasn't let her down gently.

Now that I have her phone number, I am tempted to call her and explain the situation as ask very nicely if she wouldn't mind not ringing my fiancé again.

What do you think?

Not all men are like you describe groundhogs.

Disclaimer 14yrs+ since i was last shat on by a man

SG of course they're not but an awful lot are from my observations of men over the years and the demise of varying gf's relationships. As many (if not more) are like Groundhogs says than devious underhand bastards keeping ex's on the back-burner for occassional blow-jobs.

LOL Robsia, that's exactly what I told DH, tell her or I swear the next time I see her calling, I'LL answer it.....

pag et al, as wonderful as it must be for everyone else who have fortunately married men that are faultless, some of us have to deal with men that are often pretty pathetic creatures less than your version of perfect.

I know what you are trying to say that we shouldn't accept that shit from them, but tbh, although it'd be better if they did have the cajones to actually tell these saddos women to step off, not every man has the self same balls to do that.

In both OPs case and mine, it's not that there is any real threat to us, just that they are like annoying flies, buzzing about.

Of course I'd love for my DH not to even get us into this, but it's only a minor mistake in that he hasn't definitively told her day one to literally Get Lost. That said, there IS a case to say that he has put her feelings above mine. Given her cancer etc, I kind of did see why, to begin with and as he was with me, cuddling me etc, he thought he was making it up in other ways. I felt sorry for her too at some point. Not now, though

No it's not acceptable, I'm glad there are some men like your's pagwatch that DO know it's really a crappy and weak thing to do.

Weakness, as infuriating as it is, really is not the crime of the century.

weakness, in itself, is not the crime of the century

if it manifests itself in ways so that a man will put the feelings of another (tedious, boring ) woman ahead of his partner's...well, it's not a crime, but it is certainly damaging to a relationship

too many excuses are made for weak men...and also for weak women, IMO

Of course there ARE some devious bastards that ARE keeping women on the backburner, on the side etc. Some of those utter tossers WILL act on their urges and conduct affairs/relataionships on the side.

There are others that just can't confront those that don't want to trot off quietly.

There are of course other men that would not hesitate and DO know they have to say Enough is Enough...

Sadly on here, we tend to hear mostly about the ones in the first category, somewhat less about the ones in the second, and rare as hens teeth are the threads on here about those creatures that fall into the third category.

Thinking about it I have to admit that there was one guy that I dated casually who would still call me at times and for a while after I met DH and I never told him I had met someone just made excuses not to see him etc. I ran in to him about a year later at a gourmet event and he noted my wedding ring imediately which was quite embarassing (and weak of me). On the other hand a guy that I had dated some time ago also emailed me shortly after I met DH saying he had been thinking of me and did I fancy a drink and a catch up and I did not hesitate to tell him I was dating someone and it probably would not be appropriate. So maybe it is not always weakness - perhaps I had a sense that I needed to deal with those 2 guys differently. Any maybe I'm just making excuses!

Damaging to relationships AF, absolutely.

ARE we weak women in not leaving them over them being hard and strong enough to tell someone that clearly has feelings for them, and won't take NO for an answer, to step off.

I know it's weak for me not to scream and shout about it, but that in itself is damaging. I'm not perfect. DH's not perfect either.... WHO IS?

We DO however have history. We DO have a family together and we DO care about each other. If this was the only issue in a relationship, it really isn't that much of a BIGGIE on it's own.

Before you all start on how I ought to be gushing on how much I love him... I'm dealing with OTHER issues following 3 harrowing and traumatic years in his country. I'm working hard for us to get through this, he's working hard too. The fact that we are even still talking after all that we've been through speaks volumes that few would really understand. IMHO the psycho ex is really not an issue. The important thing to me, is that now, when he really needs to be doing the right thing, he IS.

The other thing to say is that as bad as it is that our DHs are not perfect, we can't all just leave cos he's left his socks in the hallway, left the toilet seat up or not broken the heart of an ex.

On the thread of the how to tell if your man is a Bastard the other week, one of them was the relationship he has with his exes...

Men know they are not supposed to be mean to women but somehow, they miss the being cruel to be kind thing.

I'm not making excuses for my DH, but he HAS come round and he knows she is not acceptable in our life anymore. He IS telling her he doesn't want to talk to her. She is not listening.

whoooaaa...GH

when I said "weak men and weak women" I was simply saying that weakness is not confined to the male of the species...

I was not making any connection wth those of you who have admitted your partners have displayed weakness on this thread...and any judgement about you

Hello all,

I wanted to jump into this as I AM Robsia's Fiance and you can tell me direct what you think.

I have read through these responses and TBH it amazes me that some of you can jump onto anything and misunderstand it greatly without any help.

To respond to specifics:
We have been dating for 15 1/2 months (not a couple as that is only 2 where I come from).
We got engaged 6 months ago on Thursday this week.
We met on a dating site, so what???? It's not like Robsia got me on eBay.

I am not a lying, cheating piece of sh1t. My "relationship" with this woman was ended very swiftly and yes I may have been wrong for accepting sexual favours but that is no one's business but mine, especially as it was before Robsia and I started dating.

I realised quite quickly that she was a very needy person and was looking for more than just a date, but sometimes it can take the thought process a while to kick in (i.e. not overnight).

Yes I was married for 16 1/2 years and after being single for a time I decided to start dating again.

My description of her was quite a while after the event and whilst you may think it is disrespectful, it is also absolutely accurate.

I didn't quite understand how much this had bothered my better half and personally I did think it was none of this other ladies business as I had already told her that I didn't want a relationship with her and therefore we were not in a relationship and therefore my business is mine.

She reacted very badly to me dumping her (as she has put it) and kept trying to contact me, I have ignored 99% of communication but now and again I have answered a call and been very polite, but I have NEVER given her any indication that we are likely to have a relationship at ANY TIME.

Because of how badly she reacted initially it has made me wary of involving Robisa in something that really should not be an issue as after all this time I hoped she would take the hint and leave me alone, I have even suggested that she not contact me and this seems to work for a while and then she will just call out of the blue.

I don't think you can make things any clearer to someone than I have, I told her the "realtionship" was over, I have asked her not to contact me. I haven't told her I am engaged because it is none of her business.

If that's what I need to do to make my Fiancee happy then I will do, TBH I don't think it will matter to this woman as she doesn't do subtle or in your face.

Now, anyone who wants any further info please ask, and BTW I am NOT a player, I am NOT a spineless Cock nor any of the other obnoxious remarks. I am a human being who has tried to be decent about a situation that I didn't want to be in. I am also someone who doesn't think that he should explain himself to a woman that he spent a very short time with and realised quickly that it was not right.

typical trolling, tbh

partner of defensive poster comes on to "give their side of the story"

seen it allll before < sigh >

we've been had, reality

< kicks self >

< wanders off whistling tunelessly >

update ya spreadsheet....

Grow some balls! your leaving the other woman hanging and you know exactly what you are doing.

< has staring contest with the dog >

< wins >

< punches air >

The biggest crock of shit is that a person asks for advice and gets a load of suspicious people who assume the worst.

Can you explain thsi comment because I've read it three times and still don't get it: We have been dating for 15 1/2 months (not a couple as that is only 2 where I come from).

Yes I can, someone stated earlier in the thread that we had only been dating a couple of months, I just wanted to clarify that a couple is 2 and we have been dating for 15 1/2 months.

The problem with people who have been on forums too long is that they become self styled judge and jury and don't actually care about giving advice, just opinions. The only person who has made sense is groundhogs.

sunshines, maybe that's the issue, I do have balls, making me a man. I don't want this other woman hanging on at all, but that's not what you want to hear is it?
OK then, yes I shag her every night and we are secretly going to get married and I have a love child by her. Does that fit with your view better?

It is simple, she won't quit calling, I have told her there is nothing there. I haven't told her I am engaged because MY VIEW is that IT IS NOT HER BUSINESS. Anyone who matters to me knows I am engaged, that should be enough or would you prefer a full page ad in the telegraph.

I can tell you have balls BIGMAC2020, because you have a very masculine name...

< titter >

< picks nose and flicks it >

Robsia, you are verrrrry slow to type tell your boyfriend what to type...

what's keepin' ya ?

messed that up

slow to type tell your boyfriend what to type

that's better

< stands back to admire handiwork >

ok, so I take it you have all phoned all of your exs and explained that you were married, engaged, in a relationship or whatever??????

No, probably not and why? Cos it's none of their damn business.

AF - I take it you are the matriarch of the board? Instead of being opinionated and disrespectful maybe you could use your wisdom and experience to offer some helpful advice.