Eurostar - insecurity or control on whose part mine or his?
I can see this is going to go badly but I will tell you anyway.... he is a giver in bed.
In all of my previous relationships and I do mean all they started off as give and take but it was never long before I was putting in all of the effort, they were taking it and then giving nothing back.
You will not be shocked to know that I am a giver!!! I like sex a lot - part of the passionate nature I guess and without being vomit inducing or TMI I get a kick out of it and can be a bit wild in bed.
But it always went the same way, I had to adapt to what they liked, do what they liked and they just took. My last boyfriend only gave me an orgasm once, same for the guy before him and my husband became so lazy that in the last few years of our marriage would get what he wanted, roll over and go to sleep and I would have to do the same or do myself if I tried to get him to do me first as it was then it resulted in an argument.
So as usual I gave up trying to get what I wanted because at the end of the day I liked sex with or without the final fireworks for me... just would have been nice to get it is all.
With the previous guys I had to tame it down and hold myself back a lot too which was very frustrating but again I adapted.
With salesman guy, I don't have to hold back because he is exactly the same as me... he likes the same things done to him as I do and he likes to do the same things as I do - we just fit really well in that respect
Being a giver for him is a two fold thing. Firstly, he has admitted that he finds giving women lots of pleasure to be a bit of a power trip. He likes to explore and learn and try things to really get their motor running because it makes him feel good about himself.
The second reason is that he can last a really long time, boy can he but once he has orgasmed that is him for the night. He said he very rarely manages a second time. (In fact he managed a second time on our first time and was astounded! He never managed it again though). He said he has always been that way even when young. This guy is really fit, sporty, healthy diet etc so maybe this is just the way he is. Some guys are reasonably quick but can go again and again, this guy can last all night but once he is done he is done!
So.... what has usually happened so far is lots of mutual heavy petting and messing about and so on, then I naturally take control - because that is what I do and cannot help myself when I get really into it - and then when he starts to reach a certain point of arousal he stops me, flips me and concentrates on me. Still lots of kissing and petting and so on with both of us joining in but he controls that bit so that he doesn't get too excited. He makes sure that I 'get mine' and only then would he actually let go of some of the control and get his with me.
That is not to say that I have no say in things, I actually really like it because it is refreshing having someone who likes the same things, who wants to be a bit dominant instead of lying back and being lazy, and it is great having someone who actually cares if I am having fun or not. He does know when I want to stay in control though and when that is the case he does let me. It is not a case of his way or no way. It is a mutual thing.
Not sure any of that made sense being in code!!! but hope so!
He has told me - as I think I said before - that he is hesitant for any relationship because he is so much happier now single than when he was married.
The marriage did not work because they had nothing in common. No one did anything wrong as such they just weren't suited. She had gotten pregnant so he tried to do the right thing by marrying her - it seemed right to both of them because from what he has said they did love each other but over time they just because friends rather than lovers and he said if it was not for their son they would probably never have spoken after the divorce because they have nothing to say to each other. As it is they are friendly and amicable and all credit to them both.
So his issue is that he does not know if that means he is happier being a single guy doing what he wants when he wants and he is not ready for sharing his life with someone else or if it is simply because his marriage was not right for him so now that he is not in it he can be happier.
Until he works that out then anything with me would be doomed anyway. All other issues aside.
As for the raw sexual relationship bit... he could have had that with me if he wanted. He was the one who introduced the domestic stuff. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all of that with him immensely but it developed that way because of his actions.
He does get excited by me and it is usually him who makes the first move when we sleep together but it honestly felt like he was trying to get to know me and show an interest rather than just jumping my bones and heading off. He asks about my day, how my job hunting is going, how my friends are, how my son is getting on at school, tells me about his day and his son and his family and so on... the whole package.... well clearly not the whole package or there would be no need for this thread.
Gay stuff... not an issue. I have a gay best friend!!! who really wants to jump his bones! Actually my gay friend is technically bi sexual just prefers men. He has had girlfriends, even married one but prefers men over women. And he has made no secret of wanting to sleep with salesman because he is so hot (well he is!!!) but salesman was a firm no on that one!! It was a very funny conversation that night I can tell you but he said he just does not find the idea appealing in the slightest, he is a chilled and relaxed guy so thinks each to their own but it is not for him.