stressedmummys counselling session.

[stressedmummy]

Thought I would start a new thread to update you on my counselling session today, as I have had my last thread deleted.
It was during my lunch hour & I managed to keep my cool throughout it all, which was probably because I had it in my mind that I had to walk straight back into class afterwards!
I told her as much as I could in that hour & she was suprised at how calm I seemed, as what I was telling her about H made her feel all tense.
I explained to her that when I do lose it & get all tearful, I remain like it for hours & hours.
She told me that I have been brave to confront him & to speak to the SENCO.
She also said that he sounds like the kind of man who would be capable of lashing out at me one day (which was similar to what my HV said)
& she thinks it would be a good idea for me to go on this freedom course.
I told her that the only thing that was holding me back is the real acceptance of abuse & she said that she could tell that although I am accepting he is abusive, I am still a little in denial of the severity of my situation.
Now I am back from work, I am trying to digest it all!

Don't know that they will want me & both boys staying long term.
Need to see a solicitor very soon.

Missed your earlier post Blu.
I could maybe stay here short term, but it would not be an ideal long term solution.
I am dreading going home as it is & will find a solicitor ASAP.
Will have to go now, as ds2 has woken up.
Hopefully will be back on line at home before the week's out & will keep you updated.
Thanks for being around today.xxxx

OK.
Look after yourself.
XXX

Hi SM,

I know that it may be a few days before you get this but I just wanted to add my support and best wishes. I'm a new girl on MN and have just picked up your thread.

I can't believe what your H has been putting you and your babies through, your DS sounds a super-darling by the way.

I know it's never as simple as it sounds but I really think you should leave asap. It's not ideal but I'm also sure that if your parents were fully aware of the situation they'd want you and their grandchildren out of that house sooner than now.

All my very best XXX

You have got to take this chance to break away... I bet he hasnt mentioned selling the house and splitting up since has he... ha will be too scared that you will have finally found the strength to leave him. If I were you I would gather up all the important things.. cheque books, birth certificates, driving licence etc and then raise the subject of splitting up with him... It wont be easy but lets be honest, its not easy now for you living with this man is it!
Go NOW before things get brushed under the carpet again otherwise you will be waiting for the next BIG argument to get your chance to leave. stay strong.

Anyone about?

Hi SM. I'm about, though new to MN and your situation. It sounds tough. Keep remembering that you're not in the wrong.
OUght to go to bed now, but feel superglued to comfortable sofa - CSI on telly and MN on computer.

Thanks Beetle
I have had my sister round tonight & have gone & spilt red wine on the carpet!
Have done all I can to get rid of the stain , but think it may still be visable for H to see tomorrow.
Have been having a good talk to my sister tonight.

Good. Glad you've had pleasant company for the evening. Sounds like you need to surround yourself with reasonable people as much as possible. No suggestions for the red wine, I'm afraid - not domestically gifted - otherwise I might have been able to fix all the beer stains left on my carpet by DP.

It is not good to panic so much though, is it?
My sister is house proud, but thinks H is very much over the top, especially with kids.

Absolutely not good to panic so much. It's one thing to be worried about the carpet, but quite another to worry about someone else's response. Does it make it better or not to realise that probably if the fuse is going to light, then he'll always find something, even if the carpet is spotless? Try not to lose sleep over it.

I am very nervous because I know I will be in BIG trouble tomorrow.
I seem to be getting myself into a lot of trouble ATM.

Anyway, not to worry beetle!
Have a nice nights sleep

Well, I'm absolutely no expert, but I am opinionated(!) and it seems to be that you're not 'getting yourself into trouble', you're just having standard issue fuck-ups that we all have every day, and he's using as justification for his excesses. I know this doesn't quell your butterflies.
Got to go to bed now. Take care.

Thanks Beetle!
Night!

Hey hun hows things this morning has he seen the carpet? hope it wasnt as bad as you expected and he wasnt too bad.Please see your fers as another reason why you need to get out,it really is unreasonable for you to be this worried over an everyday accident as beetle said yeh by all means be pissed at the fact that you spilt red wine on the carpet but not so that you are fearful of what your supposed loved one is gonna say about it.{{{{hugs}}}}

Hope you are ok SM

Hey - does this mean you are back online?
Spot-on, Beetle (and hello beetle, welcome to MN) it isn't you 'getting yourself into trouble' - it's you having ordinary accidents, like we all do, and him over-reacting in a bullying and controlling and abusive manner.

Life isn't about carpets, familes aren't about carpets, and homes are for fun and love, sympathy, suport and understanding. And are jointly owned (in an emotiuonal sense0 by each person who lives in them.

I do hope you are ok this morning, SM.

XXX