stressedmummys counselling session.

[stressedmummy]

Thought I would start a new thread to update you on my counselling session today, as I have had my last thread deleted.
It was during my lunch hour & I managed to keep my cool throughout it all, which was probably because I had it in my mind that I had to walk straight back into class afterwards!
I told her as much as I could in that hour & she was suprised at how calm I seemed, as what I was telling her about H made her feel all tense.
I explained to her that when I do lose it & get all tearful, I remain like it for hours & hours.
She told me that I have been brave to confront him & to speak to the SENCO.
She also said that he sounds like the kind of man who would be capable of lashing out at me one day (which was similar to what my HV said)
& she thinks it would be a good idea for me to go on this freedom course.
I told her that the only thing that was holding me back is the real acceptance of abuse & she said that she could tell that although I am accepting he is abusive, I am still a little in denial of the severity of my situation.
Now I am back from work, I am trying to digest it all!

Hi meeely2.
I have found the visits from my HV very beneficial, she has been a great source of support to me throughout.
Glad things are moving forward for you.

only issue is I work full time so would find it hard having regular visits without telling my boss my issues....had a lot of time off recently when my twins had chicken pox.

Are your work aware of how you have been feeling recently?
It is important that your health comes first & I am sure work will understand if you tell them you have an appt.
After all, it's prefferable that they allow you an hour or so off for your appt, rather than things mounting up & mounting up, which could lead to you having to have time off sick.

Sorry, just re-read your post & you say you don't want your boss to know about your issues.
I understand that, because I am a bit like that regarding work & just say I have an appt.
They don't normally pry!

You're certainly not stuck, SM!
Another chat with your HV was another little step.

I think it's just that you can't see the summit, yet, because of that funny trick of the perspective - you know where you get over the brow of a hill and there is another uphill slope in front.

His loss re not eating the butter! He chooses the furniture, you choose the butter. Again, think of yourself as the domestic and catering manager - you have the decision-making power.

Anyway, I'm sure it was all because youwere seing the HV, which makes him feel insecure, and he knows you gain strength from.

Hope DS1 had a good time at the cinema - DS saw Madagascar on SAt with my friend - she didn't hink it was v good, but he was v happy.

My boss is very understanding but I don't want him to think I'm struggling with coping with everything and think I'm a typical flaky female!

We'll see what HV says first and when the apt is, I'm also getting referred to the local mother and baby support group so they can talk me through my anger issues in times of stress, I'm actually looking forward to speaking to someone openly who doesn't know me or my DH so I don't feel like I'm am gossiping about him.

Hang in there SM and stand up to H, i bet he wouldn't know the diff if you made his sandwiches with the butter you bought, he was just venting through a convenient outlet because he knew he would be the topic of conversation this afternoon.

My DH can be very similar, back him into a corner and he comes out all claws and teeth, metaphorically speaking of course! If he feels tense and on edge he wants me to feel like that too and he knows which buttons to press.

My ds saw madagascar this afternoon too Blu!
He seemed to enjoy it!
I know what you are saying about not wanting to appear like a freaky female at work meeely2.
I am the same & have when I was first suffering with depression after ds2 was born, I made all kinds of excuses for my appts.
They must have thought ds2 had an awful lot of checks lets put it that way!!!
I did tell the woman I work with now, about my counselling appt the other week, but didn't go into detail.
As soon as I told her I said "It's ok though, I'm not mad or anything!"
You are right about the fact that H wouldn't have known if I had put that spread in his sandwich without telling him!

Hope thing are calm for you ATM meeely2.

DH and I OK, but DT1 being sick a lot at mo and it's stressing me out....seeing HV next week to see if she has any ideas to help me cope.

Oh no meeely2, that is not good is it?
How old are your twins?
Do you think it's a bug?
Keep your chin up! I hope dt1 gets better soon.
I am still feeling stuck half way dinosaur!
He seemed very moody again this morning before work & it is getting me down.
I have an extra child to look after today & my friend is about to drop in with her 5 year old twins, so the house is bound to be a mess!
Sometimes I really want to break free from it all, but I am too much of a coward.

stressedmummy, huge hugs. I remember so many harrassed, frantic clean ups before my ex-H came back after children had been over.
He was so horrible about it - I used to think of him as the "fun leach", taking all the fun out of every occasion.

SM, they are 8 months on monday - tuther one is OK, nothing phases him, he sailed through Chicken Pox as well, Edwrad just seems to suffer a lot. However he always seems fine after he's puked, I sometimes think it looks worse than it is, he's probably not bringing up as much as I think he is, but it's still messy and distressing for me....

Hope your hubby cheers up soon, mine seems to have had a personality transplant....

'Fun-leech' is a great term - very descripitive!

SM - I do not think you are a coward at all, you are facing daunting decisions, and a daunting problem - leaving and staying are both daunting, in their own ways.
It might help to list your fears, though, the things you are afraid of, with each course of action. Then see what might be the answer to each thing - how it could be made less frightening. This might be something to discuss with your HV, or in Freedom Training.

Hi Blu - have just replied to your E-mail - sorry it took me so long

Hi SM - hope you are ok. I e-mailed you last night but i dont know whether it got sent properly - have posted on Baggybears thread - feel a bit guilty as she doesnt know that i know her in RL - should i say???

I did recieve your e-mail Tess & have replied this morning!
Wasn't around last night, as I took ds's down to the seafront to see the fireworks.(although ds2 was asleep by the time they went off!)
Meeely2, I am glad things are calm with your H & hope DT1 is a bit better today.
Wish my H would have a personality transplant!
Blu, your idea of a list is a very good one & may help me sort out my messy head ATM!
He is in another delightful mood this morning & it is so tense living with him at times like this.
Ds1 has already upset H this morning & got shouted at.
Have my counselling at 12pm today.
Must go & tidy the house now (have had my orders) before H returns from the hairdressers.

Ooooh dear. He really doesn't know how thin the ice on which he skates is, does he?

What did DS1 do to get shouted at, poor little mite?

I do hope your counselling session is going well.

TessieB - thank you, have replied.

When is he back working days and out of your way, SM?

Counselling went ok today & I feel better after my session that I did last week.
She made me realise that I can have some control over the situations with H, as he is getting what he wants ATM with his bully like behaviour, as I am often too scared to stand up to him.
She asked if I was taking AD's & I said that altough I was prescribed them, I did not pick them up, because I feel I am stressed because of the situation I am in rather than depressed.
I was depressed after ds2 was born & it felt different, as I was kind off out of control.
This time I feel I am in control, but stressed out because of things that are going on & therefore feel I don't need AD's.
I told her that I have not told my HV this, as she may get cross with me for not taking them, but my counsellor thought she may well think it was a positive thing that I am so aware of my own feelings & that I realise that I must address my problems to help myself rather than popping a few pills that will not help me deal with anything!
She expressed that my situation may result in me feeling depressed at times, but could be resolved by me getting out of the situation itself IYKWIM?
Anyway, she has given me lots more to think about!
H is calmer now & ds1 is hovering around him!
He has not shouted at him since he ran his toy car up the window of H's car window at lunchtime.
He is on nights tonight & tomorrow & then he is off work next week. Deep joy!

Do you still love H, SM?

I am really not sure if I do or not.

He asked what I had been talking to my counsellor about today.

Use this as an opportunity to get across your thoughts and feelings, he's showing an interest at least.

Or perhaps you want to keep it to yourself, you ave to have something thats yours and he has no influence over....maybe say it's early days and would like to talk to him but only after you've had a few more sessions.

I don't normally let him know that I have discussed him with anyone, because he is very anti being discussed.
I feel he would get cross if I told him what I had been talking about with my counsellor, even though he must have an inkling.
I feel I would rather not discuss any of it with him just yet, but that is not to say I won't in time.

I think that H NEEDS to know that you are talking about him. I think that this would be a really good chance for you to be honest with him. It would help you to talk to him about your counselling - it may help???
I have found that bring honest with my DH about things that in the past i would have hidden, can be a big weight off your mind - and it means you can be totally open (might take some of the stress off you).
What have you got to lose????