stressedmummys counselling session.

[stressedmummy]

Thought I would start a new thread to update you on my counselling session today, as I have had my last thread deleted.
It was during my lunch hour & I managed to keep my cool throughout it all, which was probably because I had it in my mind that I had to walk straight back into class afterwards!
I told her as much as I could in that hour & she was suprised at how calm I seemed, as what I was telling her about H made her feel all tense.
I explained to her that when I do lose it & get all tearful, I remain like it for hours & hours.
She told me that I have been brave to confront him & to speak to the SENCO.
She also said that he sounds like the kind of man who would be capable of lashing out at me one day (which was similar to what my HV said)
& she thinks it would be a good idea for me to go on this freedom course.
I told her that the only thing that was holding me back is the real acceptance of abuse & she said that she could tell that although I am accepting he is abusive, I am still a little in denial of the severity of my situation.
Now I am back from work, I am trying to digest it all!

SM, I'm so sorry i missed all this - it's so horrible.

I am feeling sick at your H's actions. It was not your fault, and i think his behaviour is sick and twisted. To make DS stay in his room as a reaction to YOU shouting, and undermining you, and wanting to keep ds prosoner, and having the temeerity to feel that he can, in effect, disciploine YOU by punishing ds is sick, cruel and deeply abusive.

It is outrageous that you have to live your life in fear of this horrible man and what he does to your children. Sweetheart, NONE of all that was your fault, and you most certainly are NOT a bad mum, anything but. But look how quickly he made you feel as if it was your fault, and you were to blame, and how afraid you were that he would make ds's life hell all afternoon. It sin't good for DS to see him weilding control and terrorising you like this, and for the poor lad to feel he has to re-assure you that he is ok, because he knows you have no control is very upsetting and worrying.That is no way to live, he is sick and twisted and cruel.

Sorry.

Can you ask your HV about getting legal advice, and maybe see a solicitor?

What would he do, do you think, if you upped sticks and said you weren't prepared to live in the house like this, and you are staying at your Mums for the rest of the hols???

I hope you can salvage some happiness with the boys this afternoon, but i know you will be chewing all this over and over in your mind - and poor you.

You deserve so much better.

ARRRRGGG - feel soooo angry about your DH's behavour this morning SM - glad Dinosaur and CQ were around for you.
What would YOUR dad think if he knew what had gone on before your H went round to his house?!?!?!?
I think he would be furious that his daughter was being treated like this!!!!!!
Your poor DS1 - he has such a lovely nature - he doesnt deserve this

I have just got back from my parents house (ds's are staying there) & am feeling a little better.
I will speak to my Hv when I next see her on 10th August about more serious issues.
I realise that this is not a good way to live for both my ds's & myself & speaking to CQ on MSN earlier and hearing how different her DH was confirmed things.
It has been like this for so long that I don't know any different really.
ATM I feel it is impossible for me to do anything drastic, but I hope in time I will not be so trapped.
Thank you all for your support.

Oh SM, I'm so sorry - all I sem to do is rant abut how awful he is. I don't know what we can do except sympathise and tell you that all the things you are doing in real life - like getting help from your HV and counsellor are absolutely the right thing to be doing. Of course you need to gather your strength and resources and make any decisions with care and preparation.

I hope you had a good time at your Mums, do look after yourself - and we care about whathappens to you but do not wnat to make you feel under pressure.

You have helped me loads Blu & give me lots of very good advice.
If it wasn't for you lot on MN, I would probably still be in denial of the seriousness of this situation.
Your advice has given me the strength to face up to the problem, tell H a few home truths & seek the help that I have.
Don't worry about ranting about H either! It makes me feel better that I am not the only one who is cross with his behaviour & helps to have you lot to talk to when I am feeling upset by his behaviour.
TBH, I would expect you all to be getting cross with me by now for still being here, but like I said earlier, it is very difficult ATM.
He is up in his bed sleeping after another night shift & the boys are still at my Mums, so at least they won't bother him this morning.

Good - hope you are enjoying a coffee and the newspaper!

I have never heard of anyone going through this journey quickly - even when there is considerable physical violence involved - what did your HV say - 35 incidnts of violence before battered women leave?

There;s a lot to be thought about, a lot of feelings to come to terms with.

My MIL has arrived, (for 6 weeks) and also some friends from canada, I feel as if i am running a B&B - except that MIL is v good at tackling the housework.

Hope the w/e is relaxed,

XXXXXX

He got up at 10.15am today because he couldn't sleep!
He has gone out now to help my Dad & I have to tidy the house up before he gets back!
Guests for 6 weeks!!!! That is a long stay!!!
At least you will have MIL around to entertain your ds for you!
My sister is coming round this afternoon, so I had better get on now.
Hope you have a good w/e & thanks again.

Have sent you a quick e-mail Blu.

aaah, he really is the nost gorgeous little lad, isn't he? I'm not just saying that - extraordinarily beautiful boys you have. Lovely expressions.

is it ok to send 'bland' replies to your e mails?

Anyway - message received - what's going to be happening?

XXXD

I think they are beautiful, but I am a biased Mummy!
Yes it is fine to send bland replies to my e-mails.
TBH, I will more than likely see them first anyway, as I am on the pc more than H! (he is normally laid out in front of the sports channel)
I will explain the situation to you in an e-mail.

Okey-do!
Am off to bed as one lot of my house-guests are off to airport, courtesy of taxi-Blu, at the crack of dawn!

Will e mail you tomorrow.

XXX

Have mailed you with the answer to your question Blu.

Got it.
Thanks!

Not good is it?!
feeling the strain ATM BIG time!
Hope you are not too tired after your early start today!

It's all understandable, SM.

I'll send you a bland 'in code' e mail - but I can tell you that no-one would be blaming you - a moving train is hard to stop, i think!

How are things sm?

Got your mail Blu!
Thanks. I will reply when I get a minute.
Things have calmed down again for the moment CQ.
He is still bad tempered at times, but he has been on nights & he is always worse when tired.

Want to get off the train Blu!
This is unbearable!

Have mailed you back Blu.

I got your e-mail Blu.
Thanks.xxx

stressedmummy, have just caught up with this again. I am sorry but your situation sounds so awful. Your dh is treating you all very badly. I feel for you so much as it brings back horrible memories of my own.
Big hugs to you - I think you are doing so well to keep coping.

Nice to see you and DS's yesterday SM. My DS2 loves playing with your DS1
We will make a day next week for your DS1 to come round again if he would like that.

Hi SM
haven't posted for a while but just thought I'd let you know I am still following your thread and still thinking about you. Hope you and your boys are enjoying the hols while H is at work.
Keep smiling xxx

Thanks for all your support.
I feel I have moved on quite a bit since first starting my thread & am standing up to H a lot more than I used to.
I will be seeing my counsellor again on Thursday & my HV next Wednesday, but will be off-line for a little while from tomorrow.
My ds1 loved playing with your ds2 yesterday Tessiebear & it was great to see you & your ds's.
Ds3 has already grown so much!
Ds1 would love to come & play next week!

Hope the session with your counsellor goes well, SM...take care of yourself while you're offline.

XXXXXX