stressedmummys counselling session.

[stressedmummy]

Thought I would start a new thread to update you on my counselling session today, as I have had my last thread deleted.
It was during my lunch hour & I managed to keep my cool throughout it all, which was probably because I had it in my mind that I had to walk straight back into class afterwards!
I told her as much as I could in that hour & she was suprised at how calm I seemed, as what I was telling her about H made her feel all tense.
I explained to her that when I do lose it & get all tearful, I remain like it for hours & hours.
She told me that I have been brave to confront him & to speak to the SENCO.
She also said that he sounds like the kind of man who would be capable of lashing out at me one day (which was similar to what my HV said)
& she thinks it would be a good idea for me to go on this freedom course.
I told her that the only thing that was holding me back is the real acceptance of abuse & she said that she could tell that although I am accepting he is abusive, I am still a little in denial of the severity of my situation.
Now I am back from work, I am trying to digest it all!

Thanks Blu!
Don't know how I will cope being off-line for what seems like so long, but you never know, things may run smooth for a couple of weeks! (little chance I know!)
Thank you to everyone who has given me so much support throughout this difficult period.
I will continue to gain strength from the advice I am given by my counsellor & Hv in the coming weeks.
Will let you know as soon as I am back on-line!
Thank you again!
SM.xxxx

Hope things go well while you are offline sm. Are you going on holiday? Take care, CQ

No such luck CQ!
Our pc will be out of action for a couple of weeks!
Don't know how I will cope without all the great advice I get from you lot for a whole 2 weeks!
You have all really opened my eyes & given me so much more strength than I previously had.
Thank you so much.

If anything happens you can always go a library and log on or something like that. And you have my no. if you need it. xx

Will remember that! Thank you.xxx

Nip round to tessieB's - a good excuse to see the gorgeous baby!

Very true Blu, may well do that!
Any excuse for a cuddle of her scrummy little man!

Just a real quickie, as I have loads to do today!
PC is going to be disconnected within about an hour!
I have been to my counselling & it went ok.
She suggested keeping a diary of events (good & bad), to weigh things up & maybe start to see some kind of a pattern to his outbursts.
I think this is a good idea.
Thanks again to everyone!
Will hopefully speak again soon!

A quick msg from a friends house to keep in touch.
Am not happy but plodding along!
Missing my support on MN.

hey! Really sorry I missed your poat - have been offline since Thu night, and popped on to this thread to say 'still thinking of you, even though you're busy in RL'.

Can understand that things are not too happy for you - try not to worry, just make things as good as you can for those gorgeous boys, and continue with all the other strong progress you are making. Have you got another session this week?
oops, have to go, love anyway, and see you when youi're back. xxxx

Thanks blu.
I am quickly logging on from my Mums house, as we have 2 stay tonight due 2 no electricity!
Missing my MN support loads & counting down the days till I am back online (8 now, I think!)
I had a counselling session last Thursday, but my counsellor is now on holiday for 2 weeks, as is my HV.
Things are pretty tough & I am feeling very ground down with it all.
Have started reading the book that puska sent me, which was an eye opener & have been doing lots of serious thinking lately.

I am still here if anyone is around.

Ok, it is safe to talk now, as they have all gone to bed!
Things in the last couple of weeks have not been good & I have been in quite a depressed state.
Feel a bit better tonight, just being able to be on MN!
I have got into trouble for lots of things lately, one of the main ones was spilling something on the carpet.
Most days I have been taking myself & the boys for a walk just to get out of the house.
I also dread his return from work, which is not healthy in itself & put off going to bed for as long as possible.
On reading the book that puska sent (reccomended by both nurse practitioner & counsellor) I was shocked at how much I could identify with.
My freedom training course starts on 8th September & my HV has said she will attend the first one with me if I like.
I am dreading going, but know that it is the right thing to do & another move in the right direction.
I will not be on again after tonight for another 8 days (I think, so will speak again then.

Hiya!
was just logging off after LOST finished!
Oooh, it does sound hard for you.
I don't know what to say. i'm not surprised you've felt down.Just try to remember that when he kicks offf about something like a spill on the carpet, it isn't NORMAL. Try not to take it on board as if it was a reasonable reaction of his. it isn't. Accidents happen - and anyway, it's your carpet as much as his. Just shelve it away on a distant part of your consciousness, and don't let ot get close to the real you.

I guess you might be looking forward to getting back to work too, and a bit of contact with collegues who value you.

hang on in there, 8th Sept is SO close.

Nice to hear your voice, anyway.

How are the boys?

The boys are fine thanks.
When I spilt what I did on the carpet I really paniced & started scrubbing away, but was caught.
He obviously shouted at me & the next morning there were 2 glasses in the bin (nothing wrong with them)
When I spoke to him about the glasses he told me that he had thrown them in the bin because there was no point having nice things when I wrecked the place.
Feeling so down & trapped right now.
So glad I can get on Mums pc tonight!

SM, he's barmy.
Throwing the glasses in the bin is really really beyond reasonable or normal.
God, it sounds horrible. I can't bear to think of you panicking and scrubbing the carpet like that.

You DON"T have to do it right now, but, please, you won't stay with him indefinitely, will you? You don't even have to have the plan now, you can just say 'I will be leaving him / getting him to leave' without having the answers as to how to do it. I do know that that part isn't easy.

It isn't your fault SM, it really isn't, none of it. You are trapped, but there will be a way out.

Try not to blame yourself, and try not to feel bad about yourself because you are down.

Glad the boys are ok.

Oooh, you'll be back on regular MN soon - I can see how isolated you must be without MN and MSN.

hang on in there, hold tight.

Must go to bed. Was up rowing with DP last night. (MIL staying for 6 weeks, stress about managing childcare, life and work.Sorted now - except for MIL factor!)

XXXXX

No Blu, I know I need out, just not sure how I am going to do it yet. I cannot live like this forever & nor can the boys.
I have now come to realise this.

Glad you & DP are ok now blu!
Blimin MIL's, who would have em?!

OK. I'm happy to know that you have that in mind.
oooh, blimmin MIL indeed. And this one is a corker. She deserves a thread in her own right - and i may have to start one soon!
Yeah, we'll be ok - thanks.
Night - and come back soon!

hi sm, just caught up with this. Sorry things are not going well, don't let him grind you down, just keep focussed on the progress you are making and the next step - reading the book and the freedon training.

hope to catch up again soon. xx

Come ba-a-a-ack SM, we miss you!
(still thinking of you)

Blu - i think SM must be back very soon (a few days i think)
I visited her last week and she is well
i will tell her that you are thinking of her

Thanks TessieB

Ahhh thanks for thinking of me Blu.
I am on my Mums pc again ATM, as I have popped round for lunch & am desperate to talk to you lot, as things are not good at all at home right now.
Should be back on my pc before the end of this week, thank God!