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Original poster

can someone help me understand what happened last night.

125 replies

confusediam · 18/02/2010 19:53

I would really like some other points of view on what happened last night.

I went out on a first date with a guy I met on Match.com last night. We had been speaking for several days and he seemed very very keen, ie saying it was fate that we met and that he thought I was very beautiful and just his type. He was incredibly charming and I guess I fell for the charm a bit. Anyway, we met at a local pub for a meal and he was very nice and good looking etc. Then about half an hour into the evening I began to feel very unwell. I developed a splitting headache very quickly and began to feel very weird. I broke out in hot and cold sweat and felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn't concentrate on anything and then I had a cold pins and needle rush that went through my entire body. I went to the toilet and was very wobbly and began to get a bit freaked out. I went back to the table and said I felt unwell and so we went outside. The fresh air made me feel a bit better and we then sat in his car for a bit and had a kiss and cuddle but nothing more. I really liked him. I think he did try to touch me but I firmly said no. He then said he had to go so I got out and into my car and drove home.

One thing, half way through the evening he went to the toilet and took his drink with him - I thought this was very weird.

He asked me to come over to his place on Saturday and said we could go in his hot tub and I should bring my bikini.

When I got home I went straight to bed and fell asleep very quickly and then woke up at about 3 am and suddenly had a panic and thought that maybe my drink was spiked. I wasn't drinking alcohol by the way. I then thought that I had had a very bad migraine but I have never experienced those symptoms with a headache before, especially the intense sweating and hot and cold flushes and pins and needles.

Am I being totally and ridiculously paranoid? I hope so. Unusually I have not had a text from him today but did log onto Match.com a moment ago to see a message from him saying "you are still as beautiful as ever". I am very confused as I did like him.

Any ideas anyone?

OP posts:
UnrequitedSkink · 18/02/2010 19:56

Was he drinking what you were drinking? Is it possible that he could have switched your drinks?

TBH, the 'come to my house and bring a bikini' sounds a bit creepy and full on for a second date. I wouldn't be comfortable doing that so soon...

AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 19:56

err, one word for you

swerve

please don't see him again

he drugged you, then used that first time to assess how you would react

next time you may not be so lucky

HellBent · 18/02/2010 19:56

Hmm, him saying it was fate would have put me off! I probably wouldn't be meeting him again.

Earlybird · 18/02/2010 19:57

Sounds very creepy and suspicious.

Don't respond to him any more. He should have been in touch to check on you.

And fwiw, were you in any shape to drive home? Maybe should have taken a taxi to be on the safe side.

said · 18/02/2010 19:57

It does sound odd and as though your drink was spiked. Tbh this bit would have put me off meeting him altogether "ie saying it was fate that we met and that he thought I was very beautiful and just his type."

And this bit would put me off meetin him again. "He asked me to come over to his place on Saturday and said we could go in his hot tub and I should bring my bikini." but I'm probably a prude

I'd steer clear and see it as a lucky escape, I think

southeastastra · 18/02/2010 19:58

did you eat? maybe he could have spiked that (if possible) sounds very stange. i would avoid him.

pithyslicker · 18/02/2010 19:58

Or it could have been a panic attack

DuelingFanjo · 18/02/2010 19:58

How did you feel driving home?

Personally I wouldn't do the hot tub thing. Maybe make your second date somewhere public where alcohol is not involved?

I would be wary. it may have been nothing but it's best to maybe take things slowly until you have got to know eachother a bit.

prettywhiteguitar · 18/02/2010 19:58

I had my drink spiked once (I think I drank someone elses by accident in a club) and that feeling of waking up in shock of what happened, thats familiar.

I would say yes,definitely on a first date to have a kiss and try to go further sounds a bit dodgy to me.

Caution I think

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 20:00

Thanks everyone - just as I thought. Too much I don't understand. Not sure whether my drink was spiked though or whether I had a bad migraine - don't know the answer.

I will be avoiding him I think. It was very flattering but too much.

A few lessons learnt there.

OP posts:
DorotheaPlenticlew · 18/02/2010 20:00

Avoid -- better safe than sorry. It is unlikely that by choosing not to see him again you are missing your one chance at love, so protect yourself if you have doubts.

It does sound dodgy to me too, fwiw.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 18/02/2010 20:01

xpost, good on you.

Earlybird · 18/02/2010 20:02

'very beautiful.....fate brought you together.....just his type.....come over again with your bikini.........

And he doesn't get in touch to find out if you're feeling better and got home safely? No, No, No.......

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 20:03

PrettyWhiteGuitar I didn't lose consciousness or forget what happened so do you think that means it wasn't a drug? I don't understand why he hasn't text me or asked me how I am considering how ill I felt.

We did eat. He told me to go and get a table wwhile he got the drinks and looking back on it now he did have opportunity.

OP posts:
FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 18/02/2010 20:03

I thought it sounded like your drink had been spiked before I got to the end.

I wouldn't see him again. Are you going too?

cathcat · 18/02/2010 20:03

Did he order the drinks and bring them to the table? In other words did he have opportunity to spike the drinks? Very odd that he took his drink with him...alarm bells are ringing, I'm afraid.

cathcat · 18/02/2010 20:04

x post, you have answered my question. What are you going to do?

mathanxiety · 18/02/2010 20:05

"We had been speaking for several days and he seemed very very keen, ie saying it was fate that we met and that he thought I was very beautiful and just his type."

Huge red flag here.
So is the bikini invitation.

Sounds as if you were drugged. This man is a criminal. Don't ever have anything to do with him again. Or anyone else who uses the word 'fate' or anything along the lines of 'just my type'.

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 20:07

Cathcat I'm not going to see him again.

I don't understand why he didn't text me today after last night - that seems suspicious to me on its own. His message on match.com felt like he was checking out what I was thinking. Does that make sense to anyone?

OP posts:
GoodnightNobody · 18/02/2010 20:08

I don't know what happened last night but you clearly feel uneasy. I'd follow what you're instincts are telling you.

If you like him enough to (there must be reasons...what are they if you don't mind me asking?) want to see him again, see him with your friends (and stay with your friends all night- they'll act as your barometer and help you suss him out.

AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 20:10

GN, no

she must not arrange to see him again, ever

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 20:10

GoodNightNobody he is a good looking bloke and very sweet with a lot going for him but the damage is done now and I can't see him again. Feels wrong. I wondered whether I'd had a panic attack but I haven't had one for many years. The only other time I remember feeling like that was when I took a sleeping tablet and had that awful whole body cold and hot sensation.

OP posts:
HellBent · 18/02/2010 20:12

What did the message say?

SayHitIsntSo · 18/02/2010 20:12

I had my drink spiked once.
What you describe sounds exactly like what I had- only for me, I'm afraid, it didn't end so well- I weren't so lucky as you were....

Stay away from him.

Lexilicious · 18/02/2010 20:14

sounds well dodgy and I agree with those who have said swerve.

Another thought - do dating sites usually have any policy or way of reporting dodgies/weirdos/misuse? If so you could leave feedback about this guy to the site - and perhaps if others who've been in this situation did too, the site could at least bar him. What he's done may not be enough to send the police round but a commercial dating site could apply whatever standards of proof it likes to rid itself of unpleasant members.

My best friend is engaged to a guy she met on match.com. I hope you find a nicer chap for your next date!

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