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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

can someone help me understand what happened last night.

125 replies

confusediam · 18/02/2010 19:53

I would really like some other points of view on what happened last night.

I went out on a first date with a guy I met on Match.com last night. We had been speaking for several days and he seemed very very keen, ie saying it was fate that we met and that he thought I was very beautiful and just his type. He was incredibly charming and I guess I fell for the charm a bit. Anyway, we met at a local pub for a meal and he was very nice and good looking etc. Then about half an hour into the evening I began to feel very unwell. I developed a splitting headache very quickly and began to feel very weird. I broke out in hot and cold sweat and felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn't concentrate on anything and then I had a cold pins and needle rush that went through my entire body. I went to the toilet and was very wobbly and began to get a bit freaked out. I went back to the table and said I felt unwell and so we went outside. The fresh air made me feel a bit better and we then sat in his car for a bit and had a kiss and cuddle but nothing more. I really liked him. I think he did try to touch me but I firmly said no. He then said he had to go so I got out and into my car and drove home.

One thing, half way through the evening he went to the toilet and took his drink with him - I thought this was very weird.

He asked me to come over to his place on Saturday and said we could go in his hot tub and I should bring my bikini.

When I got home I went straight to bed and fell asleep very quickly and then woke up at about 3 am and suddenly had a panic and thought that maybe my drink was spiked. I wasn't drinking alcohol by the way. I then thought that I had had a very bad migraine but I have never experienced those symptoms with a headache before, especially the intense sweating and hot and cold flushes and pins and needles.

Am I being totally and ridiculously paranoid? I hope so. Unusually I have not had a text from him today but did log onto Match.com a moment ago to see a message from him saying "you are still as beautiful as ever". I am very confused as I did like him.

Any ideas anyone?

OP posts:
saddest · 18/02/2010 20:36

Instincts are such an amazing thing.

Seems to me you already know the answer.

Run away!

AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 20:36

zaz, I said this

I think the Op was tested last night to see her reaction/tolerance

next time (were she to agree) would be the most dangerous of all

hatesponge · 18/02/2010 20:39

I'm not sure if he spiked you.

However even leaving that aside there are a huge number of red flags about him from what you have said. Avoid him again 100%.

ps - he's not in Kent/London area is he? only ask as am on Match myself............

verytellytubby · 18/02/2010 20:41

He hasn't texted you because he drugged your drink last night. Sounds very similar to what happened to a friend of mine.

Don't get in touch with him and I'd report your suscipions to the website. Someone else might not be so lucky next time.

maristella · 18/02/2010 20:41

please contact the police as soon as possible, ie now

Slartybartfast · 18/02/2010 20:41

perhaps he topped up his own drink, either sneakily in the gents from a bottle? or at the bar??

aSilverLining · 18/02/2010 20:49

Yes I felt weird, dizzy, headache, tingly (I think this is it going through your blood stream but couldbe wrong), achey. I too wen out into the fresh air.

I was then sick, wobbly, had to be propped up into ambulance. Apparently I kept saying "there's something wrong, I feel weird don't leave me alone" over and over. Luckily I was out with a female friend, boyfriend of the time, and gay male friend so was well looked after. I had been going to the bar with the female friend so I assume whoever did it thought we were just two girls out alone. We were watching a band and careless with our drinks, going off to dance....

Confused: report it to the website and put it down to experience. Instincts are a very good thing and we should all listen to them far more than we do.

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 20:50

Zazen thanks for all that useful info. Am I right in saying that if it was one of those drugs that I definitely would have lost memory or is it possible that my drink was spiked but not so badly that I didn't get the amnesia? Is headache def a symptom as that didn't come up on my online searches.

HateSponge don't worry - I'm not in the South East! You're safe (ish!)

OP posts:
Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 20:53

ASilverLining that sounds exactly the same as me. I'm glad you got the help you needed. Did you feel weird the next day?

I really should follow my instincts more often because they normally turn out to be right. I think us women are good at that kind of thing.

OP posts:
maristella · 18/02/2010 20:55

OP if you call the police and voice your suspicions about having possibly had your drink spiked they will organise a medical, after which all of these questions will be answered.
you would also be doing your very best to make sure this doesn't happen to the next woman he meets.
the longer you leave it the less chance you have of getting a definitive answer from police/doctors etc.

AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 20:58

mari...those questions will not be answered

any date rape drugs will be out of the system by now, that is why they can be so (chillingly) effective

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 20:58

Maristella isn't it too late now? The drug will be out of my system surly by now. I'm feeling really freaked out by taking it any further - don't know why. Just want it to go away as I've been through such a lot recently. However, I don't want anyone else to go through this.

Don't know what to do.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 21:01

confusediam, as frustrating as it is, there isn't much you can do

no proof

your word against his

this is how predators operate

don't some of you ladies get this ?

there is another long-running thread going on at the moment about how the odds are stacked against women in these situations, and this is a prime example of it !

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 21:05

AnyFucker it's so depressing isn't it. To be honest I don't think I can trust men at the moment. I know there are some good ones out there but it's hard to see that at the moment.

I feel like giving up the whole damn thing - maybe I'm better off being on my own for a bit. Prob will jack it in for a bit.

This just makes me realise how vulnerable women still are.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 21:14

tbh, I would jack in the dating sites completely

at least for a while

is it worth it ?

I know there are lots of stories of how people met their "soulmate" on match.com or whatever, but call me oldfashioned, I just wouldn't go there

you are best to wait for a friend of a friend, or someones brother, or your best friends 3rd cousin or summat ie. there is more chance of not hooking up with a nutter/abuser/someone with issues

dating sites just seem like a lottery to me...with very poor odds

am sure I will get shouted down on this (I usually do )

pithyslicker · 18/02/2010 21:18

If it isn't reported isn't that propogating the issues raised on the other thread?

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 21:19

AnyFucker what you say makes sense. However, I dont have a wide circle of friends and dont see any other way of ever meeting someone, especially at my age (mid 40s).

This has put me off big time though. It's probably not worth it.

Thanks for caring.

OP posts:
Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 21:20

Can anyone tell me where to find this thread that some of you are talking about.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 21:21

pithy, I know what you are saying and I wish we were right

but think about it...what is there to report ?

honestly ?

BelleDameSansMerci · 18/02/2010 21:23

confused I think the fact that you have a bad feeling about this is really enough "justification" (not that you need any) to not see him again.

FWIW, it does sound to me like your drink was tampered with. There are many different types of drugs that could be used and I'm not sure that amnesia would be present with all of them. Also, the kissing etc when you'd said you didn't feel well - not good. Not good at all. Selfish at best.

pithyslicker · 18/02/2010 21:23

I think it shows the difficulty of prosecution in these sort of incidents.

AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 21:24

yes, precisely

lou031205 · 18/02/2010 21:31

"tbh, I would jack in the dating sites completely

at least for a while

is it worth it ?

I know there are lots of stories of how people met their "soulmate" on match.com or whatever, but call me oldfashioned, I just wouldn't go there

you are best to wait for a friend of a friend, or someones brother, or your best friends 3rd cousin or summat ie. there is more chance of not hooking up with a nutter/abuser/someone with issues

dating sites just seem like a lottery to me...with very poor odds

am sure I will get shouted down on this (I usually do "

Totally agree, AF.

Had to lol at "your best friends 3rd cousin or summat"

AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 21:34

thanks lou, and I do honestly get shouted down about this kinda stuff, it's a regular occurrence on here

cos I am old ya see

and I hate all this "soulmate", we "were meant to be", let's move in together after our second date kinda stuff

to me, it's red flags

to others, its proof of undying love

< waits for the undying luuurrrvers to pile in >

Original poster
confusediam · 18/02/2010 21:38

AF can't believe I actually fell for his bullshit (well, not really fell but "went there" for a date).

I should know better having two years ago come out of a very abusive relationship with Mr Charm himself.

God I never learn. Those things really are red flags and I should have known better.

I'm lonely and desperate I suppose!

Oh well - BIG lesson learnt there.

OP posts: