can someone help me understand what happened last night.

[confusediam]

I would really like some other points of view on what happened last night.

I went out on a first date with a guy I met on Match.com last night. We had been speaking for several days and he seemed very very keen, ie saying it was fate that we met and that he thought I was very beautiful and just his type. He was incredibly charming and I guess I fell for the charm a bit. Anyway, we met at a local pub for a meal and he was very nice and good looking etc. Then about half an hour into the evening I began to feel very unwell. I developed a splitting headache very quickly and began to feel very weird. I broke out in hot and cold sweat and felt like I was going to be sick. I couldn't concentrate on anything and then I had a cold pins and needle rush that went through my entire body. I went to the toilet and was very wobbly and began to get a bit freaked out. I went back to the table and said I felt unwell and so we went outside. The fresh air made me feel a bit better and we then sat in his car for a bit and had a kiss and cuddle but nothing more. I really liked him. I think he did try to touch me but I firmly said no. He then said he had to go so I got out and into my car and drove home.

One thing, half way through the evening he went to the toilet and took his drink with him - I thought this was very weird.

He asked me to come over to his place on Saturday and said we could go in his hot tub and I should bring my bikini.

When I got home I went straight to bed and fell asleep very quickly and then woke up at about 3 am and suddenly had a panic and thought that maybe my drink was spiked. I wasn't drinking alcohol by the way. I then thought that I had had a very bad migraine but I have never experienced those symptoms with a headache before, especially the intense sweating and hot and cold flushes and pins and needles.

Am I being totally and ridiculously paranoid? I hope so. Unusually I have not had a text from him today but did log onto Match.com a moment ago to see a message from him saying "you are still as beautiful as ever". I am very confused as I did like him.

Any ideas anyone?

That all sounds really frightening.

I really wouldn't risk ever seeing him again. It sounds as if he could have drugged you. Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, so maybe just repeating stuff other women have said.

Of course, it's possible you could have just taken ill I suppose, but DON'T risk it. He could be a dangerous man. And anyway, to come onto you when you're ill, and then not get in touch to see how you are?

Don't go there.

I think the fact that he was giving you all those lines early on when you hadn't met, plus the bikini and hot tub offer is enough reason to be glad you are never going to see him again. I would report him to Match, I went on a date through a dating agency, and I was sure the guy I was with took coke half way through the evening, as he disappeared to the loo for ages and came back wired and aggressive and derogatory about the other women he had dated, then when I went home, he wouldn't take 'no' (to another date, to any romance) for an answer and grabbed me and held on. I got away by having a quick wrestle, but reported him the next day to the agency who quickly wrote to him telling him they were revoking his membership. Definitely report this guy to Match, he sounds odd, I just can't think of a reason to take your drink to the loo and you clearly noticed it (which suggests it wasn't natural). You are well out of it.

I've had the exact symptons you describe come on out of nowhere, while I was at work. I assume it was a panic attack, but I'm still not sure as I had nothing to panic about at the time! So, it is possible to have those symptoms out of the blue.

Taking his drink to the loo with him is v weird though!

Sounds dodgy to me. You could have just been taken ill, but maybe not. I think he would have reacted in a more normal way if he was concerned about you being ill, i.e. not have tried to kiss you. You might as well get tested to see if it's still in your system, although I (as an untrained person) would guess it's unlikely.

Maybe you could go to your GP first - they might be able to tell if it's another illness, check your blood pressure and other things that might be responsible. You can also tell them about what happened and get their opinion - they won't be able to tell anyone else. Then see how you feel about taking it further.

Oh and coming on strong too soon is a major danger sign. 'soulmate'? Hmm. Whatever you do, don't see him again. He may have been pushing to see how you would react.

the feeling I get is that this poster is reluctant to take it further

I know we should all push, push, push to get all this stuff out there with the police etc

but I can see how people don't (I didn't)

OP, it is OK if you don't want to report

I know why people are saying you should, but not everyone feels brave enough

that is all...don't feel bad if you just want to get on with your life x

I would at least report him on Match.com so he cant do it to anyone else, and dont contact him again, that sounds really scary

hope you are ok confused

How are you feeling now??

Whether he drugged you or not, there are plenty of other warning signals that he is to be 'swerved' and I am glad that's what you have decided to do.

The fact that he could see how awful you were feeling and didn't call you a taxi was pretty poor, let alone not call you to see how you were feeling later on, next morning etc & I found his 'you are still as beautiful as ever' quite chilling.

I think you have had a lucky escape from this creep!!

It was 'fate' that you met on a dating site? 'Just his type'.... don't fall for that kind of crap next time

Hi all. Glad to say I'm feeling much better today but it has taken me a while to shift the headache and tiredness.

Never did hear from him again thank God and def don't want anything more to do with him.

I'm sorry to say that I haven't pursued it any further and I do feel very bad about this but I really can't face it at the moment. I've had two years of hell from my xh and I actually cannot mentally cope with any more crap of any kind. I'm sure I'll be flamed for this but I just can't face it. I am still freaked out by it and very convinced that he spiked my drink - can't make sense of this any other way. Please don't hate me for this as at the moment I just can't deal with it.

I've been feeling very wobbly about what COULD have happened and I know this isn't useful but that's how it is.

However, I am so grateful for all your support and I'm sorry if I've let myself, any of your or anyone in the future down.

crikey confused he's the guity party in this, not you
you have nothing to apologise for

Er, how could you have let anyone down

I'm just grateful you got out of this safely. You didn't do anything wrong! Hope you have a nice relaxing weekend.

Frankly, any man who still wanted to snog when you weren't feeling well is odd. Most people would not want to catch whatever bug you could have. So, it does sound as if he might know what was behind you feeling unwell. If your gut feeling is that he DID, then you don't need any further reason not to see him again.

As others have said, he was too full-on before he had even met you, which is a huge warning sign. Also, the fact that he hasn't tried to contact you to see how you are is odd. Any genuine man would have done this.

confusediam - ideally reporting any creep is a good idea, but sometimes you just need to look out for yourself and cope the best way you can - don't feel bad about not reporting him and for god sake don't feel like you let anyone here down - no one here is going to 'hate' you for that and no-one should 'flame' you for it either (if they do we'll 'sort 'em out' (think Mitchell brothers!)

Of course you can't help but wonder 'what if' - it's scary, but gradually try not to think about it, try to think of something else when it comes into your thoughts.

It sounds like you have had a really bad time with your ex. You sound very insecure & lacking in self confidence. Spend time with the friends that make you feel good about yourself and maybe look at a bit of councelling - just to get yourself a bit more confident.

you have not let anyone down

you will not get flamed..and anyone who tries will get their arse kicked

you look out for you

ChippinIn thank you for your lovely message. You're right I am lacking in self-confidence and I need to work on that. I feel guilty about not dealing with it but I just can't at the minute.

I know the feelings will fade and all will be well.

AF thank you - you really seem to understand how I feel in all this. Thank you for your kindness.

no worries, confusediam

look after yourself now

you cannot save others if you don't feel strong enough to do it

you can move on

you will possibly always feel uncomfortable about this (I speak from the angle of an experience I had 25 years ago)

but don't take that as a bad sign. I have come to terms with the fact it was not my fault

as this was not your fault

use it as a lesson learned, you will not be quite so trusting next time, and that is no bad thing xxx

to start with i am as sorry as anyone that you have had this experience, it is not nice you dont feel so safe and it can really kick your confidence in people,

but i think just to sum up what everyone else has said-

• go to police

• tell match.com

• dont speak to the bloke ever again

• just keep yourself internet dating smart

• warn other women and keep them internet dating smart

There could have been so much more that could have happend to you and you know what?

its.not.worth.it

go see your friends, go out with your friends, see your family go out n have dinners and visits and things. be around the people who love you.

just make sure that you have a good time, because it proves that you dont need a bloke to make you happy, hell, you dont have to drink to be happy

(pregnant going-outs have proven this)

and when you feel good enough in yourself you may find a partner may just fall in your lap.... or you into his at some point>.<

naughtiness aside, make yourself happy before anyone else, coz in some comments you sounded low in general, and i have been there, and you know what, if your not happy, people will see that and for some its really not atttractive, if your happy, people will see that and see your confident as well, and that may just help you find the partner your looking for, being unhappy and unconfident is only ever going to seduce the more sinister type unfortunatly, im just being honest, better to have it said that just ignorantly going into things i suppose

i hope some of this has helped x

i am sorry that you had such an awful exp. I also think that what happened to you 'could' be a panic attack. They come out of nowhere, and sometimes you don't even have to be panicked or stressed. or at least you don't realsie you are. I have had them and could describe what you described.

yet, the whole online dating thing, is a mare, but I, like you have little social life or the opportunity for one. he really sounds like a bad one, and he is the wanker, not you, for not finding out how you were. W hic does reek of guilt, or maybe he is just bloody weird.