Is it out of order for man to try it on with you when....

[littlestmummystop]

you've explicitly asked him not to.

This has happened to me twice now. I've been on several dates with a guy, he asks or hints to come back to my place saying: 'I'll sleep on the sofa'

When I have let him back I make it clear 'No Sex' but after a kiss and cuddle all of a sudden his exposed knob appears.... and he asks: 'Please please touch it...'

This has happened to my twice now, two different men.

Both times I have refused and gone to bed thinking they've spoilt it. I like to get to know someone really well before I sleep with them and know we're in a relationship etc. I don't want quick hand jobs on my sofa and make that clear before they come back. So why do they do it?

Isn't it disrespectful to still try it on when you've been asked not to?

Dittany - I didn't say contract. Don't put words in my mouth.

Anyway, Mathanxiety has just said what i was trying to say much better than me. Phew.

Yuk! YANBU. I would tell them to sod off. How immature. although, I don't think it is uncommon, it is unacceptable behaviour. Maybe avoid having them back at all with future guys, and if they start pushing it, then you know what would be likely to happen and just walk away.

They do sound rank. I don't think you should see either of them any more. Unfortunately there is a difference between what should be and what is. Men should be aware that just because someone says they can use their bathroom or whatever does not mean sex, but some men will just see it as another 'barrier' breached, and assume it means sex is on the cards because they are in the flat.

I'm appalled that some of you seem to think the OP was asking for what's happened.

Just think the ones who think it's my fault have a shite view of men..as in They Can't Help Themselves.

I think men can and should help themselves.

Who has said it was your fault?

if you don't want sex, don't let them into your house. Its not your problem if they're going to miss their last train home etc.

Well, you said no but then you let them come home with you to your place. You actually said two contradictory things, to a man, and they got the idea it might be worth a try.

I think those comments are pretty much implying that it's the OP's fault. That you can't expect a man to listen to you when you say no sex if he's in your house.

I was raped by a man who I'd invited into my home. I expect that's my fault too

dittany and LadyBiscuit - at least there are some sensible women out there!

I can't see that OP did anything wrong or out of the ordinary. She was not on the first date, so the men were not complete strangers. If someone says they are in genuine difficulty (can't get train, need to use the loo - both very very genuine excuses!) will you not help them? OP also made it very clear that sex was not on the cards. NO SEX means NO SEX fgs! If those two men had not been utter wankers, then both incidents would not even be incidents worth mentioning iyswim?

Let's not beat about the bush...those men were the scum of the earth, liars, deceitful wankers and other choice epithets.

FWIW, I would have fallen for both those excuses too and let them into my house.

You had a narrow escape OP. Hope you meet more mature men in the future - there are some very nice and decent ones out there, honest

I don't think anyone saying the OP did anything wrong - maybe I do have a shite view of men, but I would rather that than be too optimistic about human nature and put myself in a difficult (and possibly dangerous) situation - has happened to me before. Men can and should help themselves, but a lot don't bother and, as dittany says, just see a woman as a person as being in the way of what they want. These men were definitely being manipulative and putting you in the position where you felt you couldn't say no to them being in the house. I can sympathise with that. But awkward as it may be you must always 100% trust your instincts even if that means being a bit rude. There are some right twats out there and you have to look after yourself. But that doesn't make it your fault, or that you were 'asking for it'.

I think you give mixed messages by inviting them home and letting them 'sleep on the sofa'.

FGS, it's 2010. If you don't want to end up in such sitiatuoins, don't invite them ohme.

I inhaled hot tea at
'all of a sudden his exposed knob appears'
however.Like a panting Labrador then?

WHO are all these creepy horndogs out there, and why are you letting them in to sleep on your sofa?

I have to say I am soooo glad I'm not in the dating market any more. If guys can lie their way into your house and then assume that that is a yes to sex, while you are screaming no at him, it is very very scary.

And we are not talking strangers here. I would never let a stranger into my house, not even the meter reader, but I would let in ,say dd's friend's dad - does that mean he can assume I have the hots for him?

out of order, and pathetic. Don't let men stay in your house. When its the 'right' one then only let him stay in your house if you trust him. They weren't right for you.

'She didn't invite them, they invited themselves in by lying.'

She let them in.

NO means NO.

She has the key to the house. They don't.

LastTrain, the OP didn't mention that she was 'screaming' at either of them. And no, obviously your DD's friends dad couldn't assume you had the hots for him because you probably wouldn't have just both been on a date together and you hadn't been kissing on the sofa 5 mins before.

I like you dittany, you talk a lot of sense.

'Real modern progress would be a bloke who stayed on the sofa and didn't wave his penis in her face or who said "Thanks for letting me use your bathroom" and left promptly. '

And real modern progress might also include giving them sheet and a blanket for the sofa and not engaging in 'kiss and cuddle'.

Or not feeling a jot of guilt for saying, 'Well, guess you're getting a taxi home/calling a mate.'

Plus, OP didn't mention that either of the men made a fuss when she very finally said no. Yes, it was rude and unreasonable of them, and an affront - but I think people are making it out to be far more sinister than it is.