Update...
When he left on that Friday night, he said it was because he had to see her for what she was and how she reacted to certain
things he was going to say I took that with a fairly large pinch of salt and given that he seemed to be fairly easily
manipulated by her I really didn't expect him back.
He spent most of saturday messaging me, was very quiet on the Sunday and to be honest I didn't want to hear from him,
although the silence was torture too. Late on the Sunday evening he sent a cryptic message that he had taken his head out of
his arse and wanted to talk the following day. I assumed he was just coming to collect his things so was planning on not
being at home, I really didn't want to witness that. Anyway, long story short I went to meet him (he was at her place so
I've seen where she lives now) for a coffee and to talk. He said he had seen a lot in her that he didn't like and knew she
wasn't the right person for him. turns out she's one of those women who seems to target attached men, dp was the 3rd one
that he knows of, one of the other wives actually sold the story to a magazine! He also found it odd that she has no female
friends - erm.. maybe cos women recognise her for the predator that she is??? Also that I had correctly predicted every move
she made in terms of trying to get him. That he realised how much he loves me and how compatible and right for each other we
are and that he really really wants to come home. I told him the only way that would be possible is if he agreed to have
absolutely no contact with her ever, that I wanted access to all his emails, phone etc. He agreed to that but said he'd have
to leave it a few days before telling her because otherwise she wouldn't accept it and would say that he was being pressured
by me etc.. (she's very controlling and smothering apparently) I agreed to that on condition that I would be able to see all communication between them. So he came home, sent her a txt to say he was at his parents for a while to think. She didn't contact him until the wednesday and he was beign very wishy washy with her. He wanted us to go away fro a few days and I refused that until I knew he'd dumped her - I didn't want her contaminating something that was supposed to be for us. He did it, we went away for 4 days and had a good break, spent time together, lot of talking etc and came back in a better state that we had left in.
A few days after that she emailed him that he owed her £30 and could she have it back so she could go out at the weekend...
there then started a chain of emails where she gradually messed with his head and tried to suck him back in. She made him
feel guilty and was pestering him to meet her 'for closure' although she wasn't sure she could resist hugging him and never
letting him go He was going along with this and I was getting angrier and angrier and on the brink of making him leave
again - he actually said I was pushing him back to her??!!! Cue massive rows in which some horrible things were said by both
of us and a lot of tension because although he said he wasn't going to meet her I wasn't 100% believing of that. As it
turned out he didn't go.
She then sent him a big long email 'pouring out her heart' to him - emotional blackmail basically.. which he opened and read
while sitting next to me so I could read it too. I refrained from commenting which I thought was very restrained of me
but it made him go quiet (guilt again) so I pointed out that if she knew their fling was over why would she send it if not to
make trouble between us? He could see my point and while he was still quiet.. so was I tbh, things were ok-ish. She was
obviously pissed off at not getting the response she wanted and started sending me abusive text messages and texts and emails which she claimed he had sent to her, which at first I ignored but eventually I'm embarassed to say I did respond to. She then forwarded all my 'abuse' to him to show him what a nasty person I am, lol. She's also been trying to get into my email and facebook accounts.
We had a long talk about why he was behaving the way he was and he said it's not about her.. it's about the feelings he got
from it all.. the excitement and thrills etc - all the stuff that comes when you first meet someone. He also said that he's aware that what we have is much better, but he was finding all the conflicting emotions very confusing, that he feels guilty for breaking the heart of someone who seems to adore and worship him so much
He phoned her last week and told her that there must not be anymore contact from her, that he loves and wants to be with me and that she must leave him alone. Significantly he also got her bank details so as to transfer the money to her so she has no excuse to get in touch again. Since then he seems lighter somehow, is much more open, leaves his phone around, emails open etc. I'm not counting my chickens yet - it's very early days and we have a lot of talking and work to do, but things are pretty good right now, if a bit raw and fragile at some times.
I have got the Shirley Glass book and have started to read some of it but it is quite painful to face up to isn't it?
On a positive note, he's starting a new job this week.. the routine and return to normality will be good for us too I think.
Phew! it's taken me ages to write this, sorry its' so long! I'd never have got through these last few weeks without the wonderful Karmann listening to me, making me think about things and keep cool. She's fabulous!