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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In turmoil over my affair!!

179 replies

neverplanned · 24/01/2010 09:46

I have been having an affair for three months. Someone just came along and swept me off my feet and I cant believe it has now developed into what we believe is love. I've been married ten years - we have been reasonably happy and have three young children. My husband had a brief affair a few years ago that really knocked me and it took a while to recover from. We did recover though and I thought things were going well between us. How have I let this happen, has anyone been in this situtation and left their husband and split the family for their own reasons. Ive tried to stop seeing this man but can seem to stay away, when im with him I feel like this is where I should be - with him. But when Im at home with my husband I feel guilty and Im in constant turmoil.

OP posts:
regretsville · 04/02/2010 22:20

hi,
haven't read all this thread but had to reply quickly

i had an affair, became pregnant, left my husband, married my lover, had another child and yet sadly not a day goes by that i don't miss my ex husband and regret leaving him

i think basically that the kind of person who is attracted to a married woman and engages in an affair is going to be very much lacking in many areas. and ultimately a relationship will never be a lasting success as it's based on lies, illusionary thrills etc. and you've taken a shortcut rather than built a proper relationship

my advice would be to finish it today, (his begging to continue will be exhilerating!) and try your hardest to inject some new excitement into your marriage. give at least 6 months until you re-evaluate

i had one son (not my ex's) and i'm still shocked and so ashamed of myself for destroying his family. please don't do the same to your kids - they will hate you for it

regretsville · 04/02/2010 23:11

oh dear i killed your thread sorry!

jasper · 04/02/2010 23:26

great posts from Bobbie and Geckle

frosti1981 · 04/02/2010 23:38

I agree wholeheartedly with post from regretsville. The affair feels so real, the excitement, but lust doesn't last. What's left when lust goes. Dirty socks, vacuuming and other chores. Try to remember what attracted you to DH in the first place. Try to recapture some of those early feelings. And stay away from the OM while you think this through and give your marriage a chance.

differentnameforthis · 04/02/2010 23:57

I was in a happy marriage. 5 months pregnant.

When a man walked into my life (and my office), a man who after our first meeting made it clear that he couldn't stop thinking about me. He was engaged.

We had to work together, so had my mobile number, this is how he started to tell me of his feelings. My feeling for him grew. We lived close, so he drove me to work & home again a few times.

I wanted to be with him but as I said, I thought my marriage was happy. I was confused! This new guy was attractive, exciting, made me laugh, said he loved my smile, told me I was his weakness.

I left my husband (didn't tell him why) & I cut contact with this guy. After a week I missed my husband & my home more.

I went back to my husband (blamed pregnancy hormones) and worked it so I didn't have to see this guy. Took some doing, but I did it. And I am so very glad I made the choice I made.

We now have a new life abroad, a wonderful 6yr old & an 18mnth old. We have been through a very rough year (if you search you'll see why) but we are stronger than ever!

Coming upto 16yrs marriage & we are stronger than we have ever been. This is not smugness, I had a choice back then. I could have easily had an affair, heaven knows the emotion swept me along, I felt attractive, I felt wanted. But I took the other choice. I took time out & looked at it without getting caught up in lust!

The OM...well he married her. She left him, he has had several women since & is no closer to being happy than when we met. I certainly think now, that he was never a long term bet. There are so many levels that we didn't click on, and a relationship cannot click on sex & lust for long.

I am where I need to be. In all honesty, we are all capable of it. It just takes for us to stop the 'knight in shining armour' 'swept off my feet' crap & take a long hard look at life.

Make a choice. It really is that simple! And fwiw, I am by no means strong. I just didn't want anyone hurt.

differentnameforthis · 04/02/2010 23:59

And Disney has a lot to answer for...there is no 'knight in shining armour'. Just regular men.

differentnameforthis · 05/02/2010 00:07

'If to communicate will destroy a marriage and you don't want that, then you're on a sad path to nowhere'

If you can't communicate in your marriage, you are already on a sad path to nowhere.

differentnameforthis · 05/02/2010 00:12

If to communicate will destroy a marriage and you don't want that, then you're on a sad path to nowhere.

Sorry, posted too soon!

But it is OK to destroy your marriage via an affair. And hurt people, children at that?

My mother had an affair when I was 5, my dad left. She had an affair when I was 15, my step dad (not the guy she was seeing when I was 5) left.

I have had many emotional issues connected to this, people just leaving me. My mother sought out her own needs & left a horrible legacy on my life.

But yeah, she was getting hers, her choice to sleep around & not talk to dad/stepdad 'because it would be a sad road to nowhere'.....so I guess that is OK?

upandrunning · 05/02/2010 02:31

Well this is interesting. I don't condone affairs at all, I thought describing them as a road to hell might have helped to make that clear.

WhenwillI, I do find your insights very interesting indeed. I think I can understand, without condoning, but you plainly (I think?) believe that to be impossible.

Different: I suppose if you divorce, you know the children will be damaged. If you have an affair, you don't: and you think you can control exposure so that they never will. So an affair looks like the preferable option. Of course! That's how people must think or they would never have affairs.

Expat I'm surprised you brought up money: do you want a medal for divorcing although it cost you a lot? Who cares about that -- only the children matter.

Kewcumber · 05/02/2010 08:27

I don't think expat had any children from her first marriage. Nice idealistic view that money doesn't matter in a divorce... you only have to read threads on here never mind know someone divorcing in the real world to know that most women are hugely concerned about the money.

My DB and SIL are in the process of divorcing (reasonably amicably). Children are (reasonably) fine but they are each facing retirement with little cash and a small chance to both own their own home (however small). Together they can afford a modest house apart living in the south east they may possibly affrod a tiny flat each. Money is hugely important in reality.

upandrunning · 05/02/2010 09:48

Eh? We are talking about affairs and their effect on the children.. I didn't bring up money. I just said it doesn't matter as much as the children. And yes the money might matter for the children's wellbeing. So women might stay in an unhappy relationship for the children, for many and various reasons, hence fertile ground for an affair. Thank you for supporting my point.

Damn sight easier to pull your marriage apart when there are no children. Hardly puts you in a position to impose Sharia standards.

expatinscotland · 05/02/2010 09:52

'Expat I'm surprised you brought up money: do you want a medal for divorcing although it cost you a lot? Who cares about that -- only the children matter.'

I really do not get the aggro just for disagreeing with you. Seems to be a more and more common occurrence on this board.

Money is a very important consideration for most people.

It's a nearly daily occurrence on here to have threads from women who are needing to leave their relationships and have serious financial ramifications, such as homelessness, to consider.

So actually, a lot of people consider it.

Again, someone earlier in this thread referred to a poster who openly stated she stayed in her marriage because of the comfortable lifestyle it afforded her.

To say money doesn't matter is preposterous, bit if it helps you work out your anger on some random stranger because they disagree with you by all means keep ranting.

expatinscotland · 05/02/2010 09:54

'Damn sight easier to pull your marriage apart when there are no children. Hardly puts you in a position to impose Sharia standards.'

LOL.

You're really taking the biscuit now, upandrunning, if you think someone who doesn't agree with having an affair is akin to Sharia law.

Ignorant as well.

But keep going.

You're obviously very angry and unhappy.

Hope you find peace somehow or another.

[we really do need an iggy button on here]

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 05/02/2010 10:07

Very naive to imagine that finances are not a huge concern imo.
The effects of financial changes can impact on the children too, moving house/school/giving up activities etc etc.

upandrunning · 05/02/2010 10:32

Am not angry and unhappy have a little read back at our exchanges. Your posts are very angry, aggressive, judgemental and coarse compared to mine which are much more reasoned. But you were RIGHT so I guess you think that excuses your ghastly tone earlier.

upandrunning · 05/02/2010 10:35

All the aggressive talk has come from those who take a very hard line, and judge without thinking they even need to start to try to understand even a tiny little bit. I think not understanding the difference between "seeing how" and "condoning" is probably at the root of it.

Look at WhenwillIfeelnormal -- she disagrees with me and has the same line as you but she manages to be articulate and cool-headed. You could take some lessons from her in how to get your views across and have them listened to.

upandrunning · 05/02/2010 10:48

Actually they're not angry but they are coarse and I think quite aggressive. As well as being judgmental. All that ffs. But I tell you you had a bag of stones in your pocket you are right about that.

upandrunning · 05/02/2010 10:48

But i did tell you

that should say

Kewcumber · 05/02/2010 11:03

"Hardly puts you in a position to impose Sharia standards". Are you serious or just exaggerating ridiculously for effect?

Whether you approve of someone being "aggressive" in their point of view or not, you surely aren't barking mad enough to think that saying people who are married should not choose to have affairs is the equivalent of Sharia Law. Do you actually understand what what Sharia Law is?

People aren't obliged to be "articulate and cool-headed" in their style or argument because its the one you respond to best. Personally I find Expat to be very articulate - I am never in doubt what she thinks as she expresses how she feel well (ie articulately).

Calling her posts agressive is a little.... ummm.... well "pot" and "kettle" comes to mind!

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 05/02/2010 11:45

Expat am loving your work on this thread, personally.

expatinscotland · 05/02/2010 12:01

I disagree with affairs, upandrunning, and your latest posts speak for themselves.

Having worked with a number of women fleeing persecution under Sharia Law for such infractions as tripping over the hem or their clothes and therefore exposing some flesh, at best it can be said that comparing one who does not think having an affair is a good thing with an upholder of Sharia Law is ignorant.

But again, as you were. It's ever a case of simply paying out enough rope for some folks.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 05/02/2010 15:28

Up and Running, I'm not sure which bit you're querying WRT my views, but I'm assuming it was my last post in reply to Rock's belief that if you truly love someone, you don't fall in love/lust with someone else. I disagree with this and in fact I think this line of thinking can be dangerous.

It is perfectly possible to love someone and fall in love/lust with someone else - I suspect a lot of people having affairs have this very conflict - it would be much easier emotionally if they had no feelings left whatsoever for the primary partner, in fact.

If people however believe that this is not possible, they can make some very poor decisions - rather like you said, downthread - they can confuse the feelings for the affair partner as "love", when actually they might just be lust or infatuation.

It takes a very cool head to work out that these feelings might pass and that they aren't necessarily going to threaten the primary relationship.

Traditionally, women have always had this difficulty, because they reason that they cannot love their partner if they are having an affair, whereas men have been able to separate more easily and reach very different conclusions. I do however think this is changing in gender terms and there are a frightening number of younger men having affairs and convincing themselves that this is "love" and that they are not "in love" with their wives any longer. And there are an increasing number of women engaging in "no strings, sex-only affairs".

Sadly, I know of lots of people in RL who made very poor decisions based on Rock's premise. They fell into the trap of thinking that their affair must mean something far more significant in terms of their love for their DH/DW and therefore convinced themselves that the marriage must end. Later on, with much sadness and untold hurt, they realised that they never in fact stopped loving their DW/DH, but now it is too late.

From personal experience, my H concludes that he was infatuated with OW, but that he never stopped loving me - and he never once viewed her as an alternative. Fairly quickly, the infatuation started to wear off too and he started to see her in a more objective light, especially in terms of her personality and values.

Thank goodness he didn't confuse infatuation with love, or delude himself that lusting after someone else meant he didn't love me - and thank goodness I didn't think that either, although I accept that this is a very common belief and is one I wrestled with for some time in our recovery. However, in retrospect, it wasn't the affair itself that caused me to doubt his feelings for me, but more the associated "affair behaviour" - he was very difficult to live with during his affair.

Of course I think it's possible for people to have affairs and not love their primary partner, but I've seen so many great relationships, that could have been rescued, ditched on the altar of this belief that an affair means more than it should.

My other very strong belief now is that infidelity is all about the person practising it. It's very often got nothing to do with the state of the primary relationship or partner. That's scary because I believe people invest a lot in the theory that they can control their partner's fidelity, by making sure the relationship and the partner are nurtured. They think "it could never happen to me, our marriage is happy, he loves me to bits etc." - and then comes the terrible fall.....

I do think a loving, happy marriage is going to be a better deterrent to infidelity than one that has gone off the boil, but the relationship is not as important as the individuals within it - how they will react to a cast-iron opportunity, their sense of entitlement, their narcissism, their selfishness etc.

This is why I was suggesting the women on this thread look inwards, as infidelity is actually a pretty extreme way of expressing dissatisfaction in a marriage and I don't think everyone being unfaithful has a crap relationship/primary partner. Similarly, there are people who are in unhappy marriages and might not even love their spouses, but they wouldn't be unfaithful. For those individuals, they might not be happy, but they have very strong values about deceit - their self-respect and scruples won't allow them to engage in a behaviour they believe to be wrong.

Infidelity is not an accurate barometer of a marriage. It happens in good, happy marriages. It often doesn't happen in unhappy marriages.

Therefore, it says much more about the infidel, than it says about their partner or indeed their relationship. For a couple recovering from the sheer devastation it causes, it is essential that the infidel works on him/herself. That must come first before the relationship can be restored.

The best deterrent to my H doing this again, was the work he did on himself. I cannot control what he does, no more than he can control me. We can only control ourselves - and become the sort of people who would never deceive others.

Geckle05 · 05/02/2010 17:26

Great, insightful post WWIFN. Reading your words has really made me think. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

AnyFucker · 05/02/2010 17:42

she is bloody brilliant that wwifn, and I for one am grateful she keeps on banging out her wisdom on these boards...

there isn't much in it for her, but a lot of people have benefitted, that is for sure

probono · 05/02/2010 17:57

Thanks Normal. It's amazing that you are full of wisdom and not bitterness. (It's me, up, by the way). I thought we disagreed but maybe we don't: I "disapprove", most certainly, but got caught up earlier as an appeaser somehow, which I don't think I am.

I'm interested in what you say about it being totally about the infidel. Women who have affairs so often do seem to be seeking attention and nurturing they feel is lacking at home (bit of an age old story). But with your view that is more down to her own condition than the condition of the relationship. That means the traditional terms of "blame" would need to be adjusted somewhat.