just thew my husband out and need support please

[goinginsane]

see this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=84628 sorry i an't do links.My next door nieghbour and dp have been having a sex text affair and were aranging to take it further.I have just found out tonight her husband rang me.Bloody hell what am i going to do

any luck yet?

go onto contact another member not talk sorry

Duhhhhhhhhhhh! feeling techno dumb now- can't find my way through that.
Anyway have to go and pick up one of my dd's from an end of school party!
back online about half an hour!
speak later.
Overdraft are you about?
K4K - amazing we actually came online at the same time!

k will be here

Can't remember the last time i felt so down. Feel like i'm falling down the hole that was so hard to get out of in oct time when i was depressed.

Had a falling out with dh earlier coz he's nearly used all the credit on his phone he said if you can't trust me then there's no point in trying is there.

I said he should have thought about that when he did what he did.

Just feel i should be strong coz i know he's hurting but can't cope with myself let alone try and help him with his feelings.

This is awful and i hate it. I'm worried about next week coz i think i'm only functioning for the kids and they're all away next week so can see myself sinking and sinking fast.

Wish i could curl up in a ball and block out the whole world.

Hi K4K have sent a "contact a member message" again and not come back so will be on way to you. Still can't fathom out how unblock mine!
Never mind- how are you?
Forgive me if i disappear as teenagers in the house and will have to do the time's up thing soon and check all get home ok, also youngets to bed soon.
When they get that bit older you do get more free time inone sense but you lose your evenings again as they're around and all just broke up for hols so want extra chill time!
what can we do to help you throught this awful time?
It will get better. Today I had my last counselling session- by my choice- as feel now have the mechanisms to cope with the rollercoaster of emotions. that's a uear and ahalf on fromthe first bombshell!

there's nothing any one can do. We can't turn the clocks back so somehow we have to move on

K4K
little by litttle you move on. At the moment your still in thediscovering the full extent of the damage phase, but you are movin on tiny steps.
Oh- not so techno dumb , i've managed to unblock the email thing now!

ah will await a message then

why do i feel like i'm taking one step forward and two back.

because you are!
At the moment until the ripple stops moving outwards and only then can you truely see the whole picture of what you've to deal with- you will feel like that. It was months before the ripples stopped after I found out about my dh's affair. Every day I felt "what next?" "can't take any more" i just wanted a bit of stability back in our lives and then I could deal with all the issues. You are still finding out more and more about how this has affecetd your lives.It will stop, you will soon start takin 2 forwards and only 1 back!

think we gonna have a really soggy pillow tonight. no kids next week maybe gp and sleeping tabs might be a good idea

right i going to soak my pillow.

Overdraft hope you ok. maturer thanks

I can't sleep just want to cry. No fight left. Scared, angry, confused, used. What am i supposed to do? No where to turn. sooooo down

overdraft are you ok? gone very quiet.

hi all
Sorry i should have said i went away for the week end we have a caravan.I picked dh up on the way as he can't come to the house.
The weekend went well we talked,cryed,made love,talked,cryed and made love.What a mixture of emotions i have been feeling.I still love him and belive in him but don't know if i can trust him if that makes sense.
I have made the decission to have him back as i know he is a good man and is very confussed.I said it will take time and won't mean that i don't scream at him from time to time.
Now i am back home with living next door to her and just about to put the house on the market.i still feel bloody angry i have to all this on my own.

kath4kids

I am so sorry you are having such a hard a difficult time too.i hope this week will improve for you and that life will begin to look more positive.
Use the time you have away from the kids for you and dh to spend some time on your own and remembering just why you love each other.Also some girlie time and YOU time.pamper yourself
Keep talking on here xxx

Overdraft, good to hear from you.
we were a bit worried but i did suggest to k4k you'd managed to get some time away(we been chatting a bit msn)
I understand exactly what you described- makes perfect sense- in fact i think until you are together, living each others pain you can't truely start healing and rebuilding the trust. we were the same - anger, cried , talked, made love - the intimacy is important because it is so real and special only to you both! you sound more positive- feel the house thing great hasstle and unfair but until you move away from her you can't move on!
hope goes smoothly. keep in touch.

glad you ok overdraft, good to hear you went away together and were able to talk. Think the trust thing is something we're going to have to work on and they are going to have to understand that we question everything they do for about the next 30 years or so.

Don't know how you cope living next door to her. Is he not coming to the house because he will see her? Know how you feel, i want to do anything i can to keep him away from her. None of this is fair is it, you having to sell your house, my dh loosing his job, we poss could loose all our security, house, job (for me) coz they may not let me continue and i dont know i got enough fight left to fight for this as well as everything else.

I'm fed up of living half hour at a time being alright one minute and crying the next. Life is hard sometimes but hey who said it ws going to be easy.

i am not keeping him away.Her husband still wants to punch his lights out and i can't stand the thought of it.he has told me he never wants to see her face again and knows that she has used him.Sometimes i think he has come out worst in the whole thing.When the woman at relate asked me if i would think he was a womaniser after this and i said no i don't he said it gave him a loveley feeling that i know this is truly not his way and that he knew then that yes i do know him better than himself.He has been saying to me that that person was not him at all and he would never do that again.He was flattered that somebody else wanted him and that has never happened to him.is this making sense

o.m.g the house is now on the market and i want to be sick. How am i gonna cope?

You will cope and you will be able to make a fresh start together. Yes everything your saying makes sense coz its what my dh is saying too. when i c an get him to say anything at all that is. He usually says it to someone else when i am there to hear.

Overdraft- try (as hard as it is) to look on the house move as new start, new beginnings!
Once you are away fron her and ger life then yours can move on.
I understand your comment in relate- i from very early on did not feel i couldn't trust my dh with other women- with HER i will not even entertain him knowing what she's upto etc that would be the biggest breach of trust after what happened and how long it took him to get her out of our lives (she persisted for quite some time at trying to "secretly" contact him, partly his fault at first because he tried to "support" her after he finished the affair and of course sent out the wrong messages- he felt so guilty to all involved but she took a long time to finally get the message and stay out of his life)
So not surprisingly where she's concerned I will never fully trust him again but I do not think he's a womaniser, he never was and this one (albeit huge) mistake does not make hin so.
He's been working away recently - so could get "upto anything" and he even said he was alittle worried whether he could, after all that had happened trust himself anymore! but it has been a true test for both of us of how we feel for each other and we both can't wait to be back together. (That's not saying i don't every now and then have thoughts/ worries about whta he may be hiding from me- after all he got so good at deceiving me for a few months but in my herat of hearts I know he's learned from this)So have I!

K4K your dh has to start talking to you if you are to both move on. My dh wouldn't talk to anyone at first- he was so ashamed of what he'd done and didn't understand himself. When he got some counselling (alone) he started to open up and now we can talk freelyuabout every aspect of the whole affair. I still find some things unbelievable- but i do at least now understand a bit and have come to trems with what he did. Please encourage him to talk , talk , talk for both of you