Is it *ever* right to encourage someone who is in a relationship?

[glassvase]

Exactly that. I am newly single. Man in question currently in 'on' mode of long term on/off relationship. There has been something brewing for a couple of years, since first we met (a bit of a thunderbolt moment), but nothing concrete. I feel it is a bit 'now or never'; would it be morally reprehensible to pursue it? (No dcs)

no southbelle, we are the ones being oldfashioned. In the old days, people got married to declare their exclusive interest in others!

I am sexless with my married colleagues

no need for the south

my post to you was in no way derogatory

But dittany, it's ok for this bloke's girlfriend to be pissed off with the OP should they get together.

I am not friends with any of my OH's exes, nor he with any of mine. We are both ok with this.

dittany, women have shown interest in my DH over the years, both before and after our marriage (only a couple of times, I am not talking every week here

I don't get het up about it and fall into the trap of automatically distrusting all women he is friendly with

I see it as validation I picked a good'un

and yes, he did know about on ebloke and din't go haring after him with his fists up to fight over my honour

we are all grownups and if the OP's bloke in question is in a solid relationship then she will get her answer and withdraw gracefully...

I think you have every right to tell him how you feel but wouldn't be prepared to move forward unless he was out of his relationship.

If the OP is smart, the girlfriend will never know unless the guy chooses to tell her!

One look would do it...

dittany, there is a whole different set of rules for men who are interested in your friends or relatives.

dittany, I think it ok if the gf is pissed off too especially if she is a jealous type

that is life

men and women and all that jazz

but if he nicely says no, all is well

if he immediately dumps her to take up with OP, then ohhhh, she would be well out of it, tbh

Old fashioned rules about not touching your sister's/best friends prospect/ex

dittany, they were in a very wide circle of acquaintances a very long time ago

so no reason to stay "friends" as such

and unless they got him pissed and presented their tits on a plate (or something similar) I wouldn't want to take away their freedom of speech

if he had taken any of them up their offer then I would have got th message I was with the wrong person...and moved right along

dittany, you are suprising me on this thread

aren't you normally pretty vociferous about not blaming "predatory" women and saying that men have choice to act as they do

it's the same thing

dittany, have you never been propositioned?

It's probably not a good idea, but I'm of the opinion that you can't "steal" someone. If they want to cheat, they will and if they don't they won't. Other people offering is not the main factor.

IMLH, yes

I think I have said my feelings on the matter dittany

did we x-post somewhere ?

I agree dittany, she would -and should- be pissed off by the OP's declaration of interest.

I don't think this is a reason not to do it, however. If the OP has feelings for this man which were strong enough to cause her to end her own relationship, I think it is unreasonable to expect her not to tell the man in question her feelings in order to not piss off someone she doesn't know. Expecting her to ruin someone else's life (by sleeping with him for example), would be unreasonable, btw- no-one is arguing that.

The choice is between the OP's potential happiness and the feelings of the man's girlfriend. It is hard to put the feelings of a stranger before your own; in this case, I'm not sure the OP should.

I think making the future of this couple's relationship dependent on the OP's actions is absolving the man of any responsibility for his own actions. It's unfair and, once again, pits women against women. Once he has all the information, it's his decision; and his responsibility.

x-post without about a million others

OP, are you still there ?

has this thread helped in any way ???