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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

partner is totally preoccupied with sex..what was hot,now is NOT

282 replies

Littleblue · 15/12/2009 06:53

Im in a distance relationship,we have been together over a year.What was a very intense sexlife has reduced in intensity,as it is wont to do in any relationship once over the honeymoon period.
I have major financial worries and my libido has dropped,but his obsession and constant referrals to sex(he doesnt feel loved if im "cold")Im going off him rapidly but we were very close and loving.He asked me the other night if "this was what happened to my other relationships"..!st of these he is referring to,my partner of 10 years dropped me for my best friend,2nd,he turned out to be severely abusive...My new partner had obviously had a train of thought involving my perceived "habit of going off sex" as the cause of my previously violent situation.

OP posts:
MUTTletoe · 30/12/2009 22:27

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 22:33

i gave him hell,he was stunned he ever thanked me for sex once,never mind twice,im not making excuses for him ad verbatim,im hearing his side..he knows were on the thin ice now,24 hours ago,it was done..but for clarity,hes here this weekend..im kind of interested if he can hold out tbh..im 40,i know how men tick,ive chicked enough of em over the side..im no sap..but i wont throw something worthwhile if hes genuine..and will listen to his partner and learn empathy from it...if hes a cunt,he can stay in his bin til the truck comes...

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dittany · 30/12/2009 22:35

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 22:37

no,no waste of time...i value the feedback and im nobodies muppet ok?..i can only go with what feels right,and im an adult..ive seen lot worse than this,i dont appreciate your attitude mutt..your as cut and dried as the asshole men

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 22:39

maybe dittany...maybe im just worn out...im dogtired with life as it is right now...i think i need singledom to be a healthy partner later on

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dittany · 30/12/2009 22:42

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 22:48

do you,any of you,know what it takes to let go of dependency when thats all you know??..i fight my corner,stand up for myself etc..but its all bullshit,im scared shitless,im in debt up to the eyebrows,ive told my son ive been winging it since he outgrew thomas the tank..hes 18 and about to fuck off to uni..with only the barest of backward glances..dont mock me for dependency,be grateful you can be stronger than me..ive got 4 kids i adore and support,and sell my bloody grandmothers rings to provide christmas for...but i feel totally overwhelmed,im not clinically depressed,i KNOW the difference..im just TIRED..i didnt sign up for this,i hate whingeing self pity,but i worked bloody hard,lost 3 babies,a house and a career...i could do with a fuckin break is all..so if im pathetic,sorry,im knackered.

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MUTTletoe · 30/12/2009 22:56

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 22:58

self pity aside,what i mean is its not easy to see the wood for the trees....

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 22:59

i know...ive been saying the same thing to my mum since puberty..

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glastocat · 30/12/2009 23:02

This guy is making your life more difficult though, not easier. Be kind to yourself, but you do need to find a way to get rid, you'll feel better for it, really.

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 23:03

lb, have you been drinking love ?

Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 23:06

i told him hes added to the problems,not eased em...no burden share available or expected..hes a fixer,and cos he cant fix me..he tripped down the rabbit hole

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 23:09

course ive been fucking drinking...not to excess tho 'love '

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 23:10

is anyfucker now whatfucking?

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dittany · 30/12/2009 23:14

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SolidGoldpiginablanket · 30/12/2009 23:18

He's not a 'fixer' LB. He's a parasite.He has NO RESPECT for you - you dump him because he's a repellent creep, he tells you that you should be grateful to have him because no one else wants you and you listen to him?
Look, whoever messed you up in the past (sounds like your family did a fair job) does NOT have the power to make the rest of your life like this, placating one parasite/bully after another. You can tell people to just fuck off and leave you alone. You can make yourself better. But this man is going to make you feel worse if you don't cut him right off.

WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 23:20

yes, littleblue

you sound all over the place, what the hell are you doing ?

Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 23:43

ok ,point taken..does it help if i tell you i rounded on everyone else,as well as him..il quote my mother who emailed him i went for her 'like a mad woman and broke her heart '..i think what im ACTUALLY trying to get to grips with is dumping dependency..not prolonging it..ive turned into the harpy from hell as far as the klingons are concerned....yeah,im all over the place,jump aboard whatfucking,its a bumpy bloody ride,but il shell out for the flipping candy floss...

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 23:46

as for him,im not that crap,he agreed,painfully..that i was right,he admits hes a twat lol..but as i said having told him to cut the shreks cat needy routine..hes now gone too far the other way,jeez

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 23:48

oh,not clinging to my son...ive enjoyed the extra time ive had after he declared he would live with his dad etc..im dead liberal,and his dads ex public school..its a bit boho here

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Original poster
Littleblue · 30/12/2009 23:50

juries out over the weekend..we all deserve a second shot at getting it wrong

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WhatFuckingYearIsItAnyway · 30/12/2009 23:51

I am exhausted just reading you, lb

come back in the morning

dittany · 30/12/2009 23:59

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Original poster
Littleblue · 31/12/2009 08:59

sorry,i was erratic last night,i wasnt rolling drunk,but id certainly overdone it..and i dont use anything else dittany.yesterday wasnt a good day..i need a break,i feel very overwhelmed by everything..sorry but i appreciate your input when i wasnt making sense.

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