partner is totally preoccupied with sex..what was hot,now is NOT

[Littleblue]

Im in a distance relationship,we have been together over a year.What was a very intense sexlife has reduced in intensity,as it is wont to do in any relationship once over the honeymoon period.
I have major financial worries and my libido has dropped,but his obsession and constant referrals to sex(he doesnt feel loved if im "cold")Im going off him rapidly but we were very close and loving.He asked me the other night if "this was what happened to my other relationships"..!st of these he is referring to,my partner of 10 years dropped me for my best friend,2nd,he turned out to be severely abusive...My new partner had obviously had a train of thought involving my perceived "habit of going off sex" as the cause of my previously violent situation.

between him and my mothers attention seeking antics,weeks and weeks of saving,and a glimmer of seasonal cheer have been duly wrecked,as usual,pissed and depressed.

Please sort yourself out, tydye/littleblue.

Start with your drinking first.

You won't be able to treat or control depression effectively at the level you seem to drink.

Merry Christmas.

im ok expat,i managed to kick off christmas with an amighty row,i love keeping to traditions at christmas it seems..i dont drink like i used to,but yesterday was shite,today ive told em all to do their xmas their way and leave me to deal with mine..as a result,ive had a lovely day,mum and i aired some stuff that festered for yonks,its been good..ive blocked him on all the platforms he was stalking me on,and hes gone to ground.scared of losing me apparently.
Im not an alcoholic,not yet,i dont wake with the symptoms of withdrawal..but i am a binge drinker,i know this..i dont feel clinically depressed,ive been there,im just kind of burnt out with stuff,i really need a break.Merry Christmas to you too..

please look after yourself, little.

i am,im in bed with my best gf doing quality slumber party stuff with tea and bacon..alls ok x

Mmm, tea and bacon...

in bed with your gf ?

curiouser and curiouser...

we graduated to dimsum and michael mcintyre..anyfucker your a dirtyfucker :P

LB: Bear in mind that if this man starts making a pest of himself, you can tell him that any more contact will result in him being reported to the police (it only takes 2 incidents of unwanted contact of ANY kind after the person has been told to leave you alone, for him to be looking at a formal legal warning and further action if he doesn't piss off).

I know LB

Please be careful LB, my best mate was in a relationship with a guy who demanded sex constantly. Even she couldn't keep up with him (she has a very high libedo also!) and he went into rages/sulks/accused her of cheating etc. He was also v. v. possessive and would fly into rages if she spoke to an ex. He regularly hacked into her emails and facebook to check up on her claiming ths was 'her fault' for being so beautiful/sexy etc that he didn't think he deserved her/could keep her [vomiticon]

Eventually he walked out on her whilst she was away with her LO after falsly accusing her of cheating because she emailed a guy she met at a party and he read the email - she came back to find house stripped. He has also hacked into her facebook, had bugged her phone, bugged her laptop etc and proceeded to stalk her for the next... well he is still doing it, he is a IT Wizard and she hasn't been able to stop him .

When she got a new relationshp he emailed new partner making up all kinds of lies saying she was a slag etc. Nearly ruined that relationship - she is still having problems. He also emailed new partner's family with these lies; they now all think she is the devil incarnate...

This man too was over 45, had an ex-wife/family commitments, good job etc outwardsly respectable. My mate found out later though had cheated on ex-wife and her repeatedly all through relationships. Was obsessed with sex and used it as a weapon and his 'cheating' paranoia was because he cheated all the time himself.

Be very careful with obsessive men like this, what happened/is happening to my friend is very frightening especially as she has a child.

ive been where your friend is..what im dealing with at the moment isnt quite the same thing..ive lived domestic violence,i know how the extremes manifest,i hope your friend is ok whippet,its very hard to see someone you care about live with that level of abuse and be helpless..

Thanks LB, my friend left that guy and is with another guy now who is lovely. However, the ex is still stalking her which she finds very exhausting and sometimes frightening.

I guess I wanted to use my friend's situation to illustrate the fact that being demanding/manipulative like this over sex is a form of abuse - in all other ways apart this guys was very kind to her and her little girl but he definately used sex and her sexuality as a weapon against her.

I hope you are ok too LB, look after yoursefl.

my psycho exe did everything your friends does/did..this ones obsessed with sex and is a manipulator true,but not in that kind of league..very diferent animal,at the moment,ive told him to stop contacting me,i will talk to him on my terms not his,it all kicked off bigtime on christmas eve when he stalked my myspace again then txtd asking me questions about some minor changes id made..this is still from a profile he created i didnt find out about til very recently,and we arent friends on there.

hmmmm,as an experiment,i chucked all the fem logic at him,and he admitted hes an arse,the proceeded to shield himself by telling me he wonders sometimes what he sees in me cos im messy and overweight...hes anal retentive and overweight...not retentive enough to clear up after himself here tho...im conducting an experiment here..

no loss of resolve il add...just crossing t's

i need to know im right...he asked that dittany,wether ive kept it open while i wait for better...

hes got a lot of good in him..but those cards are still stacked higher on the wrong side of the deck..hes a cock,yes,but not violent,and he listens..so given that hes taken on board everything ive said..im kind of idling to see if it makes a difference in behaviour..not clinging to an ideal,i already know im happy to do my own thing

he was everything i wanted in a partner..in a healthy way,i HAVE to see if he can hear me after meltdown..i didnt speak to him thru xmas,hes lost weight..no pity on my part,he pushed it to this,not me..but i do so need to KNOW...hes a south london builder,with a brain tuned to sensitivities,but grew in an environment that wasnt,kinda stunted..so i will keep an open mind,to a point,but please remember i lived with a psycho..this ones just a berk

mind you im a hippy indie musica..he played me justin feckin timberlake...can someone come live in and make me see the light plz..im too fucking knackered out

Please stop wasting your time with this man and just cut him out of your life.

Listen to yourself. You are making excuses for him. He is a total creep, you can do a lot better. Please don't sell yourself short, this guy is a tosser and a weirdo. And I married a South London (Irish)builder from a fucked up family background, who is nothing like this. Thank fuck.

Oh for goodness sake LittleBlue, you are coming across as very dependant now, and almost desperate to be with this tosser waste of space rather than risk being alone.

Just because he isn't your psycho ex doesn't mean he is right for you or you have to stay with him.