partner is totally preoccupied with sex..what was hot,now is NOT

[Littleblue]

Im in a distance relationship,we have been together over a year.What was a very intense sexlife has reduced in intensity,as it is wont to do in any relationship once over the honeymoon period.
I have major financial worries and my libido has dropped,but his obsession and constant referrals to sex(he doesnt feel loved if im "cold")Im going off him rapidly but we were very close and loving.He asked me the other night if "this was what happened to my other relationships"..!st of these he is referring to,my partner of 10 years dropped me for my best friend,2nd,he turned out to be severely abusive...My new partner had obviously had a train of thought involving my perceived "habit of going off sex" as the cause of my previously violent situation.

WHY are you bothering with this fool?

what SolidGold, dittany and AnyFucker said.

GET.RID.OF.HIM.RIGHT.NOW.

Just use Solid's wording. Perfect.

ive stuck with it because he has been a real bonus on lots of levels,hes a good person..UNTIL hes feeling unloved by lack of attention in bed,he said this weekend was about me,no funny business,and im quoting him there..that worked night 1,night 2 the sulks started again..i know whats needed here,i think im struggling with hurting someone..and yes i can hear you all cuffmutter..lol...its not always easy to see the writing on the wall with a domestic abuser,when you used to live with the guy from ;sleeping with the enemy'

LB, don't hang onto this crap relationship as some kinda stoopid penance for not spotting he is an arsehole

it won't get better

he won't vindicate your choice of him, and come good in the end

he will just make you feel worse and worse

the ridiculous sexual shenanigans will escalate, he is pathetic

now stop thinking how stupid you were for not seeing it, forgive yourself for temporary insanity and move on

'he has been a real bonus on lots of levels,hes a good person..UNTIL hes feeling unloved by lack of attention in bed'

Okay, after UNTIL, substitute in: he's drunk, stressed, upset, etc.

And you have the same guy you used to live with!

The only difference is he doesn't hit you.

You need some serious counselling.

NOW.

And to.get.rid.of.this.abuser.

he went home early dittany,because it was hurting him too much to be around memassive relief tbh,i can get on with xmas now..my best gf is coming,shes very ill,and this could well be her last,were gonna raise the roof and siiing

GET RID OF HIM NOW.

ow shit!!!.ok...yes,i see,really i do,fucking hell,shame on me my arse needs kicking quite so hard?!

hurting him ?

oh pur-lease

mummy's boy

bin

jesus im fucking pathetic..no time for self pity,bottoms up,a swift half ,a grin, and a royal salute...ive dusted worse off before

LB, I really have the feeeling that the next time he contacts you, you will agree to see him

For some reason, you are a glutton for punishment I think

stop offering him your psyche to put the boot into

bin

ok, will go with it...what exactly are you going to do ?

LOL!!thank you,i thank you..all the advice i often give in realtime dished back at me but better..thank fuck for mumsnet

she won't get rid.

gawd, what a loser this guy sounds.

< sits on hands >

im going to send him a very eloquent but chilly email...i have dealt with worse for most of my life,now i see him for what he is,the tears dont work

i fucking am going to get rid! LOL..im kind but im not a dickhead...been here before,and i burnt that fucking t-shirt

ok lb, will you let us know how he tries to manipulate you it works out ?

cut and paste SolidGold's words and send.

The.end.

Fuck being eloquent or wasting another second on this total zero.

think of it lke this...

you only wasted one year of your life on him, and there were some good times, but now you have seen the light

there is no going back after that

ive dusted myself off many times before,yep,glutton for punishment i may well be..but by god am i ever learning

here, here dittany.

solidgold's words good, too.

don't bother being chilly or eloquent or any of that shit.

just bin.

sounding better...much better....