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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

partner is totally preoccupied with sex..what was hot,now is NOT

282 replies

Littleblue · 15/12/2009 06:53

Im in a distance relationship,we have been together over a year.What was a very intense sexlife has reduced in intensity,as it is wont to do in any relationship once over the honeymoon period.
I have major financial worries and my libido has dropped,but his obsession and constant referrals to sex(he doesnt feel loved if im "cold")Im going off him rapidly but we were very close and loving.He asked me the other night if "this was what happened to my other relationships"..!st of these he is referring to,my partner of 10 years dropped me for my best friend,2nd,he turned out to be severely abusive...My new partner had obviously had a train of thought involving my perceived "habit of going off sex" as the cause of my previously violent situation.

OP posts:
dittany · 16/12/2009 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImSoNotTelling · 16/12/2009 21:43

Oooh that's harsh.

Are you joking?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2009 21:47

OP, I didn't mean you were a blow-up-doll, love

it's just he would quite like to treat you like one...

< digs hole deeper...>

SolidGoldpiginablanket · 16/12/2009 22:50

Just bin him, LB. He sounds worse with every post you make. That drawing on a woman who turned him down is really, really nasty, contemptuous and creepy behaviour. Just send him a text along the lines of 'THis relationship isn't working for me, I don't want to see you again, bye.' He doesn't deserve any more courtesy than that because he isn't showing you any respect or consideration. Sod his feelings, think about your own.
(and, Ok, do be prepared for the possibility of trouble. CHildish selfish men with a huge sense of entitlement sometimes make real pests of themselves when dumped.)
ANd in the new year, maybe do a bit of reading or possibly consider some counselling to try to protect yourself against creeps. losers, cocklodgers and pyschos in the future. If you have had a history of abusive partners, it's easy to keep picking different types of abuser because you become sort of convinced either that you are ugly and worthless and should therefore be grateful to any man who pays you any attention at all, or that all men are horrible and it's best to stick with the less-worse one (ie he puts you down and borrows money off you all the time but doesn't actually hit you, or he can't let you go anywhere, do anything or even think your own thoughts in peace but at least he doesn't steal off you and sleep with your sister, etc.)

ImSoNotTelling · 16/12/2009 22:54

SGB your presence is requested

Sorry for hijack littleblue

dittany · 16/12/2009 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Littleblue · 17/12/2009 07:35

big talk last night,he seems to think that 'what it al boils down to is a loss of attraction'he doesnt feel wanted,how simplistic eh`!amazing

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Original poster
Littleblue · 17/12/2009 07:39

ooh,missed a chunk,sorry..noi wont really show thread,psycho exe stalked me on mn 3 years ago..i used to be tye..dye,all posts withdrawn from back then..ive a decision to make for me and mine,i know this

OP posts:
Original poster
Littleblue · 17/12/2009 07:41

no worries re blowupdoll ,i had visions from only fools an horses there...lol
SGB,i know,its a pattern all the women in my family have trodden for generations it seems.Thank you.

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Anniegetyourgun · 17/12/2009 08:27

Ooh, I was wondering the other day what had happened to tye dye, one of the first threads I came across when I joined Mumsnet I think. So pleased to hear you are living a decent life now - bar the money thing, and there's a lot of that about these days.

'what it all boils down to is a loss of attraction' - that's all you need to know really, innit. Bye bye knobhead.

Original poster
Littleblue · 17/12/2009 11:17

thanks annie :-)..god ive missed mumsnet,nutter exe stalked me on here,but hes been through a couple of women since,one threw him out and he had a brief spell of living in a tent in a field (snigger)

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thelunar66 · 17/12/2009 11:41

Oooh Littleblue... I rememember you as TD from my early MN days.. I used to be the moon 66

We tried to stop drinking together, remember? - i failed mostly, although have cut down an awful lot. How are you doing in that respect?

Oh and,yes, i agree with the rest of this thread... bin 130 mile man.

Original poster
Littleblue · 17/12/2009 11:52

hell yeah,i remember you ! :-)..still drinking,but im able to get it under control now..i found the off switch x

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Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 19:23

he came up for the weekend,disaster ..moped around all depressed staring at me and sighing etc..we made love once,and he even got sad about that as it isnt as 'playful' as it used to be..ie i needed gentle closeness not deviant sex..i went through an abortion 1 year ago near exactly,with him..hes forgotten it seems.Ive told him til im blue in the face im stressed etc and the more of an issue he makes of it the worse im going to get,ie more resistant..he still says he struggles cos he misses me in between visits etc.Friday night he was lying there sighng that he wasnt even excited being in bed with me and he wondered if he was losing attraction for me..im starting to hate him

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Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 19:31

hes even started to thank me when we do 'have sex' grrrr

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Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 19:35

yeah,i know...its over

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SolidGoldpiginablanket · 22/12/2009 21:57

Oh FFS what a complete waste of oxygen he is. Just bin him, let him go and make an arse of himself on someone else's time.
He's basically abusive in that he thinks he matters more than you and he is therefore entitled to nag you, bully you and whine at you until you give in to his demands. Don't put up with any more of it as there is no reason why you should.

Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 22:04

i know,and im hearing loud and clear what else has been said,sometimes i wish i was bi..i understand women!

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Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 22:12

im supposedly an intelligent adult,independent etc...but im now seeing abuse,except this time its been honey coated

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Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 22:16

he was telling me at 5 am i needed to see a counsellor for my stresses,cant believe i got it so wrong yet again..

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AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 22:16

just don't ever see him again

you don't need the headfuck

honestly, I don't see the hold he must have over you

telephone him, tell him it's over

don't get into a discussion as he will confuddle you

please...remove yourself from his drainig influence, you will wonder what you ever saw in him...

Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 22:24

i know..i can see it now,he opened his laptop and he has a secret myspace account,and his only friend is Tom..so the accounts to watch mine,he only fessed when he realised i could see it,when i called him an anti-social git for not adding me,(lightly)he said he hadnt cos id accuse him of stalking me "you know what your like" etc...

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Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 22:25

he thought 5 am was reasonable cos i went to sleep early last night..he wont understand that a fiddle doesnt work with women

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 22/12/2009 22:27

you can do better than this

Original poster
Littleblue · 22/12/2009 22:28

yeah,i know..what im struggling with is that i didnt see what it is

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