partner is totally preoccupied with sex..what was hot,now is NOT

[Littleblue]

Im in a distance relationship,we have been together over a year.What was a very intense sexlife has reduced in intensity,as it is wont to do in any relationship once over the honeymoon period.
I have major financial worries and my libido has dropped,but his obsession and constant referrals to sex(he doesnt feel loved if im "cold")Im going off him rapidly but we were very close and loving.He asked me the other night if "this was what happened to my other relationships"..!st of these he is referring to,my partner of 10 years dropped me for my best friend,2nd,he turned out to be severely abusive...My new partner had obviously had a train of thought involving my perceived "habit of going off sex" as the cause of my previously violent situation.

LOL at blizzard of jizz...good god what an image,hes already threatened to turn up in nowt but a santas hat

So he was more concerned that no money = no sex?

hehe,bromide...my exe was into herbalism,he found something in the garden he said was good for womens problems..wasnt amused when i said i hadnt noticed hemlock down there myself..

stress means no sex..the money bit was the trigger..

blue, just because he is not as bad as a previous partner does not mean he is any good

have your levels of what is acceptable treatment taken rather a knock ?

He has many good points...ouch dittany btw,but thank you,my value system for want of a better term is obviously fucked up..i know why and how,but that doesnt solve the here and now..there were warning bells last year that i didnt heed seriously enough,we were on a romantic break abroad,and i rebuffed him when he tried again one night,then hours later,i gave in and responded and he turned over and pretended to sigh and go to sleep,to make a point.
He is,as ive said i think,warm,kind,funny,loyal,empathic(on other levels)..we share a soh and we had a brilliant time..UNTIL stress got on top of me and he felt unwanted etc,im struggling to reconcile what it was when we were at the same place,and the reality of what hes like re sex,even when hes trying not to be like that,he cant stop it..
Years ago,he had a one night stand with a girl,who after they had sex,had had enough and went to sleep pissed.He got the hump and drew a clowns face on her and left,he says hes been ashamed ever since,but it spells a deep petulance to me,even some 30 years later

My exe was a whole other ballgame..a horror story,yes,acceptable treatment is a grey area,or a muddy one

do you know what, blue

he is the one who sounds fucked-up

hmm, the clown's face thing sounds nasty. I was wondering if he was perhaps just a bit thick and obtuse when it came to understanding women but sounds worse than that.

I was leafing through that book, Why Men Want Sex and Women Want love, in the shop the other day and, although some of it was awful, some of the explanations about how and why women find it hard to be aroused when stressed or why the sexiest thing could be to come home to the washing up done and kids bathed/in bed - could be quite useful for a bloke who simply doesn't understand to read. However, he is 52 already and do you really need this stress? What would your life be like without him in it?

ive an over inflated sense of responsibility..i need to cut it off i know

I know what you need to cut off

il search that on amazon,hes read the mars n venus thing,probably thought it had pictures lol

LOL..cant,cream carpets an its a rental

Unless this is a really established relationship, that you are tied into with a house and children together (and I know from what you've said it's not) it sounds like it would be far easier to call it off than put up with this. I would tell him you are so stressed by it all you need a period of no sex at all for a month or two, and thatif he can't cope with that or stop himself whining about it then it's better if you call it a day now. He seems to assume if he nags and nags you will always give in. You need to take a very firm stand.

He just sounds unbelievably immature with a really bad attitude towards women tbh.

The fact that he's also 52 years old makes him more than a little creepy too.

Seriously, Ewww. If he hasn't yet learned that touching someone doesn't equal constant sex, it's unlikely he ever will.

I'm sure you found it flattering to start with but this is all about him and his needs.

hes 130 miles away..this is a hard lesson,but i knew it,deep down..i come from a background of abuse and manipulation,makes me easier to pull around,he says im 'good hearted'

Littleblue I've got to go with everyone else on this I'm afraid.

I think you should split up with him. The sex thing is not going to get better, he won't change, it will get worse, as you will get more and more resentful of being pestered the whole time. High sex drive is one thing, but if someone isn't up for it, then that must be respected. Going on and on at you is not on.

The clown face thing is horrible as well, that would make me a bit about his attitude to women in general. Drawing on an unconscious person you have just had sex with is not really very nice, to put it mildly.

Hold out for a proper good man. They are out there, i promise

im losing faith rapidly on that..

they are out there blue, honestly

it doesn't sound like this one is much cop though

And honestly it's better being single than to be with a loser, knob or tosspot. Just think of all the time and energy you are expending on trying to avoid having sex with this bloke, and how much more relaxing life would be if you didn't have to bother.

And what Fab said - your finances are going up the creek and his first worry is he might not get a bunk-up? He says he is nice, but that's not really very nice. You know it isn't. Sorry.

i might email him an ending..with a link to this thread,as an educative act of course

yes, it would be an act of kindness

for his next blow up doll girlfriend