ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Come in here and chat about erection-texts, lechy lecturers and getting the painters in.

Hello everyone, early start today as I'm off out - to a craft fair. Likelihood of shaggable men flogging handcrafted sparkly stuff ? Big fat fecking zero, I'm assuming.

Puma, as Startingover said post away - we've all got our vomit-stained/snot marked maternal badges ( pinned next to our ' Need a Shag' brooches and ' Steer Clear of Lecturers' pins ) so will be happy to listen to whatever you want to offload.

Mmmwine, the man is clearly an arse, unless he comes up with a fabulous excuse and/or alcohol/diamonds/oral sex. He's not worthy of you, get on the search for a CLGS or MD.

Loobie, I imagine you're still in CLGS's shagpad - perhaps he'll even make you a bacon butty afterwards ( I am weeping with jealousy ).

Mavis, I always felt that looking after small children was like being stuck on a hamster wheel - I hope the mince pies and X-Factor hit the spot.

Beauty, good god I laughed myself senseless at your post about XH coming round, especially him wanking himself senseless over your wedding photos - I'm sure he's woken with Beauty induced Repetitive Strain Injury. It's funny that you accidentally fell into full-on megawatt Dumpling glamour as I have a feeling that I may well, in an entirely unplanned way, send Bollock Face a photo of myself molto tarted up and flirting on Friday night after I've had a few voddies.

In answer to your questions, I will be covering myself up with a full length midnight blue velvet coat before I get to the party and unleash my bazoomas on the World and < shuffles feet, looks at the floor shamefacedly > I have been having text conversations with Bollock Face for the past few days,consisting of him sending me around 20 texts per day. Yeah, I know.

Startingover, I see the little sex devil sitting on your shoulder has convinced you to ignore the mum tat - absolutely the right decision imo - I've been thinkng about it ( I need to get out more ) - you could either buy him an adhesive dressing from Boots and insist he covers it up before you get down to it or you could pretend the tattoo's of someone else depending on who it looks like ( Maureen Lipman/Beryl Reid/Ronnie Barker ). If things get serious you could give him an ultimatum - ' Laser the old dear or it's over '.

I apologise for the wanking arm comment,try to forget it, however your description of MD ( and a certain amount of Pinot Noir, to be entirely truthful ) - you know 6', tanned, great body left me in such a fit of envy ( 'but I want one !')that I sent a suggestive late night text to Bollock Face. I am racked with shame and regret, albeit slightly coloured by the knowledge that he will have sought the company of Mrs Palm and her 5 lovely daughters.

Just out shopping but Caramela I will smile as I shop with the thought of "Mrs Palm and her 5 lovely daughters" front of mind.

Retail therapy calls.

Morning Dumplings, this is quick, as I have just off loaded dc's (rare event), & have to face the insanity of the xmas shopper crowds/parking nightmare etc... am just trying to fortify myself before setting off.

Mmmwine, that is a shite thing to do to anyone, I think unless, as Caramela said, he's a completely forgivable excuse (was knocked down by mad xmas shoppers) etc.. strike him from your list.

Caramela, I need to ponder the whole bollock face thing before I comment (not sure wether to give you a good sharp slap or leave you persue this dangerous avenue & risk being burnt!!). I think you need to post a pic of yourself in you xmas party gear on hear to spurt us all on (it sounds the perfect single girl go get em outfit).

Did I mention MD is also a youthful 35 as apposed to my ex who was em..20 yrs older...

Ifyourhappy, enjoy the retail therapy.

here....dah

Ok back from the craft fair, I had a coffee with rum in it, sniggered like a child when asked if I was waiting for a sausage ( is it that obvious ? ) and developed a bit of a fancy for a man selling nasty garden ornaments ( get rid of the beard mate and I would ).

Ifyou'rehappy, I hope the shopping is going well and I'm pleased that Mrs Palm and her 5 lovely daughters amused you - I am very immature.

Startingover, so MD is 35 eh ? I didn't realise that your ex was 20 years older - you'd think he might have been old enough to have more sense than he's displayed wouldn't you ? Perhaps with MD sounding like pretty much the complete opposite , it's even more of a good idea to ravish him.

I think a photo of me in my party outfit would only serve as some sort of cautionary device, kind of The Happy Hooker, The Twilight Years.

I know that the stuff with Bollock Face is a dangerous game, fortunately I am somewhat protected by the fact that he lives getting on for 400 miles away and that I suspect he really is too set in his ways to move down here, as was the original plan - I find myself finally accepting that all the things he told me about our future together were an unachievable fantasy. That's painful but there's no point in wishing he was different or braver and I deserve someone who's brave and bold enough to want me more than anything else. By the way, had I mentioned he's Irish ? - his accent has been my undoing, well that and the cunnilingus, not at the same time, that would have been very tricky.

OMG I've been wetting myself laughing at all your posts. Beauty please please write a book based on all this (with the help of Caramela who also has a razor sharp wit!)

Starting, when are you meeting painter again - I think you should def overlook mammy tattoo in light of 6ft, tanned, muscles etc. Can't you just pre-plan your positions in advance so as to avoid coming face to face with mammy at any point during shagathon? Get on the net and do some research! Go for it girl - you so deserve it and you know you want to.

Loobie have you surfaced yet? Hope it was a good one.

Mmmwine did your date get in touch? If not, it's totally his loss and you can do so much better.

Caramela as long as you're OK with the texts and it doesn't upset you then you are the one in control and that's fine. In my eyes makes you a strong, feisty dumpling who is steering her own ship (even though you'd like to be steering ears instead!!)

Well, I'll give you an updated on what I'm up to. PoF is full of utter knobs (nobs?), in my experience mostly dirty old married men who think they need to spread the love far and wide and believe us ladies will be eternally grateful. It's a case of 1 message, 2 messages, maybe 3 messages and then the word "sex" rears its head in some form or other. How dull!!

However, I have been talking to one bloke for a bit now who hasn't mentioned sex once! How very refreshing. (Suppose I'm gonna have to bring it up then). He seems lovely and quite interested. For the past two nights, we have spoken on Messenger for 4 hours each night!! How about that then - and not run out of conversation. We have decided that we will wait until the new year before meeting each other (Xmas sex out of the question then). We'll see.

Hope you've all had reasonable weekends.

Ah, thanks for all the 'welcome backs' Dumplings. Appreciate it.

Will try not to do too much bumpstuff but will instead be concentrating on regaining fabulosity without men, wine or illegal substances.

Wasn't there a book that we were supposed to read - on visualisation or something - can't remember the title but if anyone does then let me know and I'll ask Santa for one for Xmas.

Also - oh god and I said I wasn't going to do the man thing - but a friend of mine has suggested that I could probably have a fling with an ex of long ago who is still a friend. And single. Yes, even in my condition. Sounds like a can of worms that I could probably best do not to open ...... but it did make me smile to think about it. Any of you thought about going back to a long-ago ex? Even if just for an ego massage if not the real thing?

Hello Dumplings

Just speed read all the posts I have missed whilst I have been having sex grown up conversation with CLGS

Starting yes go for it MD has lots of ticks in the right boxes and you could always perfect a slight wonky eyed look so that you don't see the mammy smiling down at you he may think that is your rapture face and you may just get away with it.

Welcome back Pumagirl, waves to Caramela , Beauty and Lamby, ummwine and all the other dumpling.

Brief overview of relationship status, last night we had a teakeaway curry and watched a DVD at his place , when we woke up this morning after half the night spent shagging reading poetry it was absolutely chucking it down with rain and CLGS asked me what I usually do on Sunday mornings so I said drink coffee in bed whilst reading the mail on sunday and he actually popped out in the most godawful weather to buy me the MOS and bring it back to bed with a coffee, I was most impressed never before have I known a man to be so nice it's almost scary and I'm stil looking for that catch if I'm honest.
Then he took me for a sunday roast at a local pub and then shopping where he carried the bags and more back to his for more sex poetry including lots of the banned C word...... woo hoo

So overall relationship status is good hope that things have progressed for al the other dumplings in some way to.

Tomorrow marks the anniversary of me and golden b*llocks being together 20 years and on our wedding anniversary even though we were not together he sent me roses which made me cry I really really hope that if that happens tomorrow I can get through without crying and wanting him back I am okay until he contacts me then BAM I am back on the floor letting him grind me in the dust

Here lurking and your post Puma has made me spring into action.

A fling with your ex? Hmm something to think about - was he hot?

Funny, I have thought of an ex of mine in recent times (not philandering Bald Eagle), he was a disaster on so many levels but oh.....from a sex perspective, so hot! In many ways spoiled me for anyone else I think but must stay positive .

On a different note, still chuckling about Mrs Palm but sad to report that my retail therapy was not good. Bald Eagle has truly ruined my weekend and will pay for this. Would like to share more on him but will be easier to do so when we meet (when is that?). Bald Eagle is known for lurking on forums so who knows he could be with us now as could Country Bumpkin his equally philandering tottie, sadly also known for seeking extra marital as just not happy in marriage.

Hi witty ladies who help me keep out of the dumps!

Caramela -love a bit of immaturity and loved that!

Lamby - gld you have managed to wade through the mass of potential PPTs on POF and found a potential good un - and 4 hours uninterrupted and asking for more is a good sign!

Starting over -you certainly are! and moving from a 50 year old to a hot 30something seems good to me. I do think you might want to say that you like to wear special stuff and include an eye patch as part of the gear on the side of mammy so not to be put off. You could always go the whole blindfold hog if that was better for the two of you!

Loobie - as Im sure we are all - sounds sound! Hope his attentions can make upcming anniversar(ies) easier

Mmmwine Grr for you - sounds very unreliable and not keen enough for a fab dumpling like yourself!

Mavis - hope the kids have slept well and you had a relaxing eve

Hi to all other dumplings. A weeekend meet would be lovely -where is our lovely RSI inducing leader (loved that!)

Hello again Dumpsies. Warm wishes to all, whether you're dating, thinking about dating or otherwise engaged.

On a personal front, have given in and, out of desperation , have posted photos on a dating site to see what I can pull in, tattooed or not. All I seem to have found at this stage is a plethora of rather young strange men (don't get me wrong, young is fine , but strange is not). Oh well back to the drawing board.

On a totally different note I do feel the need to share more and so a meet up would be soooooo good - if it all seems a bit difficult to arrange maybe we could start with a couple in dfferent locations to cover people's varying geographies?

Evening, fellow dumplings.

Loobs - I am beyond belief! CLGS is a properly nice bloke, a rainstorm-braving, paper-buying, coffee-making, bag-carrying, shopping-tolerating, cunny-loving gate-shaver no less. Yay for you! Looks like you're sorted for Christmas, with your sexy santa emptying his sack in your chimney. (Sorry.)

Puma - yes! Shag the ex! I'd be up for that but most of mine went on to be with lovely girls after me, whom they're still really happy and settled with. It's arse-clenchingly annoying. But yes, do your ex now. Make the most of the pregnancy bappage!

Caramela - I always always thought that you and BF would get back together, so am not surprised at recent turn of text-events. But in more exciting news: I have a full-length, midnight-blue, velvet coat too! We are outerwear twins!

Mmmwine, sorry sweetness, that ws how things went with my Womaniser twunt. Just leave it. Some people aren't great texters, but he should have replied to your day-suggestions. Wanker.

Loobs, let us know if you meet up with marathon-MSN man! (MMM for short.)

Starting - definitely shag MD, definitely. Definitely. You can buy that really strong concealer that people use to cover burns, port-wine birthmarks, etc. Perhaps smearing it over his Mother's face could be a seductive form of foreplay? (I never, ever, ever expected to type that sentence in my life.)

Mumfun - so how did the weekend with Ex go? Did you accidentally stumble into any push-up bras, candlelight, or leather?

Mavis - I do not support your current desire to spend less time MNing and hope it ends soon.

Who have I forgotten???

Lurked on here for sometime, posted a while ago.

Finally got guts to ask h to leave.He jumped at opportunity - the coward - he should have done it years ago when he realised family life wasnt for him.

Anyway 3 weeks down line, reality starting to kick in, feeling down, far too much wine etc, how the hell do you pick your self up from this shit?

Dropped kids at H's new flat today, ended up in tears, no specific reason. Can deal wit him on fone but not face to face. He's not nasty but cant cope that he sems so together and happy now that he is out of relationship.On the otherhand I am really down and feel like shit. Its like he has moved on (onlytold 2 ppl at work), and I get left with all the crap, telling everyone (it seems), school cos kids upset, work cos need extra hours,theres nowhere to hide from it!

I know I'll get thro it eventually, but that seems likea long way off.

U lot seem so together and able to cope!

Ifyourehappy -- yes, we need to meet, don't we? Or arrange a webcam virtual meet.(Except Loobs will secretly be getting eaten-out by CLGS and will just make odd gurgling noises then vanish out of sight.)

marriedtoafuckwit -- we aren't together at all! Really were just delirious with misery.

Actually, only you, me, and a couple of others are recently dumped, the rest of the Dumpling posse got heartlessly ditched a while ago so have had time to regain their fabulosity. I'm still at the raw stage too (XH left in October) so I know where you are.

All I can say is, keep posting, carry on, and it gets easier. Really. It really, really, really does.

I have noticed something horrible: I apparently look young from a distance but old close-up. I learned this last night, when I was smoking a faaaaag outside a pub whilst on a pub-crawl with my brother.

A man well, I call him "man", really he was only just out of Dry-Nites spotted me and came running across the road (as toddlers do) to chat me up. He was very, very flirty as he came across the street, then verbally screeched to a halt when he caught sight of my crepey eyelids and actually apologised.

< Laughing at thought of loobs >

Mmm, webcam, hadn't thought of that although sadly , I believe that much of BE's affair involved a webcam (uugh, now having unpleasant thoughts).

MarriedToAF, not necessarily together as such (or at least I'm certainly not), but trying to laugh about it as I've had such a sh** year that it's time to have some better times.

I am loving my new single-and-off-men-properly-this-time-no-really-I-mean-it status. It's much less stressful.

I am on the sofa watching "Must Love Dogs" (it's us! Without the DC) and eating Toblerone. Isn't it tempting to just EAT now and give up on beauty forever? It is, isn't it? I'm not the only one who has thought that as they cram pastry into their gob, am I?

His loss Beauty.... not yours....

Can I just say this again: I would be LOST without this Dumpling Gang and am so VERY, VERY HAPPY that you are all here. You have turned probably the shittiest event of my life into the best laugh I've had in years.

Hooray for the Dumplings! You have given me more strength than I knew I had, and laughs that have reminded my body that there are stomach-muscles in there somewhere. I fucking love you girls.

These conversations are soooooo much funnier than the ones I used to endure enjoy with XH.

Marriedtoafuckwit ..firstly fab name secondly nope we are so not 'together' and if it had not been for Beutiful and her exquisite opening post then I really do not know how I would have coped it's almost like a life raft from the titanic adornored with glitter and racy undies thanks to Caramela,and Mammy images thanks to startingover, and all the other dumplings that have helped me cope with a totally crap life!

I know what you mean about coping on the fone but not face to face and we have all been there despite our feisty chin up tits out attitude so if you feel like a rant or needing your hand held you rant away and us dumplings will help you, Beauty and Caramela are sooo witty and will make you cry with laughter but all dumplings are here for each other so you rant away M2afw, you can cope and you will

nooooo if we are potentially meeting up CLGS can wait I sooooooo want to meet the fabulous dumplings