ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Come in here and chat about erection-texts, lechy lecturers and getting the painters in.

Well he's gone. The house doesn't really feel much different yet. I'm waiting for the peaceful feeling at his non-impending arrival but I just feel sick right now. And numb, and empty. And angry. All at once

I asked him to move some furniture, but he hasn't. Should really have expected anything more of him. I don't think he's going to dig over the garden for me either and I don't know if I will mange it on my own, pregnant.

The more I think about his behaviour - and he is getting more and more detached and to some extent meaner every day - the less he feels like my husband. Its like he's just vanished somewhere, and I don't know where it happened, but I'm finding it easier to believe that it wasn't me that did this to him - whether he starts blaming me or not.

One good thing though - I have a counselling appointment for next week through already, which is much sooner than I had feared and means that I won't worry so much about this week being my last email counselling session.

Hi Chairmum, you are bound to feel some terrible emotions over your H moving out. Some practical advice, I wouldn't rely on your H for anything now that he's moved out. Your probably right about the garden.

I know exactly what you mean by it being like they've vanished. The man I married vanished completely but my memory of what he used to be like kept me tied in far longer than I should have been. Hope you're holding up ok.

Thanks. Going over to my friends house for dinner later which should help.

Just waiting for DS to wake up now.

Hi all

MB. Love your prayer and your fabulosiry tips -and your HappyClappyitis . You do sound so strong . Love the positive journal too. Was given a lovely notebook for my birthday and will look it out to be my positive book. Thank you!

Chairmum. So sorry youre going through the leaving etc. Totally understand your emotions so be as kind to yourself as possible. I would think your husband left a while ago in himself -sorry. I think they do. And its not yourfault - its usually totally something inside them.

Starying -sorry you had a down day. They do happen from time to time so great you negotiated that one. Really glad your postings will stay - they are quality!

Dutchy. Good idea to put in strog boudaries - they get you respect of nothing else. H wants something I wont give - I did think hed throw his toys totally out of pram but he ddidnt. Feel much better and stronger due to that.

ACtually am feeeling much stronger overall these days

If Youre -good plan to post under a new nickname. Am planning to do so myself very shortly as needd to get advicce on something just too identifiable.

Hello to all dumplings and lurkers. Hope you are having a tits and as fabulous as poss Wednesday!

Thank you maybees for your fabulocity lecture.If I squeese my eyes tightly shut and cross my fingers and toes and visualize H having a painful cock accident with said mousetrap do you think it will happen ? Pleeeeeese make it happen. Its nothing less than he deserves.

Can my OW have a really horrid accident too with a mousetrap - my imagination is going wild at this point

What a shit day you're having chairmum. I don't know how a man can leave a pregnant wife and child.
It's utterly dispicable and totally pathetic IMO. How can he call himself a man ? He's a jelly bellied quitter.

He should be hanging his head in shame.

The day my H left I was just reeling and numb and I must have said "why" to myself about 100 times like a child that doesn't understand why something seemingly avoidable is happening.

In another way though it was a relief, as the worst had happened, the thing I'd dreaded most of all.

You'll be fine, you're strong and you'll have a beautiful baby who'll be all yours.

Be kind to yourself, it's really important. You're in charge now, of your DS, of yourself, of your life and it will be ok and you will be happy again. xxx

Hi Mumfun, if you namechange make sure you come back here as Mumfun to let us know how your doing .

Waves to all...........

Nice one Smartie ,that trick got me thru several painful text messages as I remember.

Mumfun ,thanks again for the support ,hope life is settling down for you.I agree re boundaries: H walked all over me cos everything changed when we had kids and if I spoke up for myself he just got angry and told me to leave,Selfish arse .Now I do boundaries, one of the best things about the split

Startin' How is my DOOM fighting ninja 2day.Did you put a poster in the gym ?Were there any nice men working their muscles.

Chairmum hope your cool.Def will be calmer without H around .Glad your getting out still .Dont you do any digging FFS .Brilliant news re counselling things are looking up!

Happy glad you had a break ,you deserve it!

Its been roughly 4mths since H left me and DCs and although at times it has been excruciating the good thing about this is that I am putting loads of time into Me.I am looking at all the things in myself that I can strengthen .The gaps in my self esteem that need mending .I have been given this gift of space and time and I am going to get on with things and use is positively .
Startin' as a rule I am very poor at giving people eye contact wots that all about?
Top tips pls....

Waves to all

Also, a bit of advice if a relative who your dc's adored & hadn't seen for awhile contacted you about taking one of the dc's to the cinema what would you do?? I know other two will be gutted. Would you tell the relative that & risk offending them?? I can't understand when people do that with dc's, I really believe it should either be all, none or in turns......

Do you know what everybody. I actually feel great now - better than even before H made his admission. Today was tough at times - coming home to the house while DS was asleep was tough, but the world seemed to brighten once he'd woken up and everything seemed to feel better.

I am safe and warm in my house with all my lovely things and my lovely son asleep in his bed (finally). I had friends who fed me and entertained me today, and lots and lots of support. I have been told I look like I'm blooming twice today . I will have enough money and I will not have to worry about whether what I am doing is making him happy, just about me and DS at the moment.

H is on his own in his sparsely furnished flat, trying to help himself to sleep with beer and pizza and chocolate and he looks like shit apparently. He doesn't know how to cook anything decent without my help, and that's a lot harder to do than what he did around the house (washing up, hoovering and putting out the rubbish).

I have face-to-face counselling booked for next week, and I am pretty sure my ADs have kicked in. DS didn't go to sleep till 9.45 and I stayed calm and didn't get annoyed with him. Now if only I could figure out where the damned scart lead plug in the big TV downstairs is so I can plug my freeview+ box in (it has been in my room), I'll be happy.

Hi Maybees, great to hear from you. I'm getting back in form tg & had a mostly good day. Coffee with friends this morn, some college work & out with dc's this afternoon. Met no fit gym types in my travels unfortunately .

Don't know about the eye contact thing. Were you always like that or just recently?? The obvious thing would be low self esteem but you don't come accross that way so maybe it's more to do with all the crap you've been through recently with H? When your marriage breaks up it's usually a bit public with people quickly finding out about split so maybe it's more a need for privacy type thing? I don't think I'd dwell too much on it as you sound like your doing all the right things for you now.

Go Chairmum ! Go Chairmum ! Go Chairmum!

Hi Chairmum, that's great news. I'm delighted to hear you're doing so well & that you've good support in place. Hopefully things will start to get a little easier for you now that you've your own space.

startingover - definitely offend your relative instead of your DCs. Unless there's some good reason (other DCs are elsewhere, special birthday treat0, it should be all or none IMO.

Hi Chairmum, that's my thoughts, people are clueless sometimes. I know they mean well & it's because it's easier to just take eldest but I just don't think it's fair & can't allow it.

Maybees, I know I'm only meant to have positive thoughts today but can I have a quick moan. I think I've bloody frost bite on my toes, I'm going fu*king mental from the cold................ deep breaths, visualise sunshine .

No Startin lack of eye contact all part of my "no use at being a teenager, drag on ,baggage needing sorted, brings me down even talking like this sorta shit" I think it was low self esteem .But that was then and I think its improving all the time,so not really a mystery at all.Loads of "head" things have got better since split.Not blaming H .He was actually my biggest fan ,but I think the self loathing behaviour is a real turn off TBH.Dont mean to bore you but I think I always took other peoples opinions of me far too seriously.It got me down and i would spend hours analysing over and over ,poor bloke TBH.But I am amazing at sex so really he should have put cotton wool in his ears nodded now and again as if listening to my woes and then had a good shag.Whatever was his problem ?
The reader I saw the other week said whenever people dont seem interested in wot you are saying maybe they arent the ones you should be telling.Lightbulb moment.She said maybe these are the things you should be working out for yourself.So all the times I was asking other peoples opinions (esp H)about something ;I should have been making that decision for myself and be confident about it .Low self esteem to blame for that one too I reckon Startin'But my time on my own has helped me recognise and break that pattern and every week I have learnt something new and it feels great
If someone doesnt" get me "these days I tend to think "You dont know what you're missing" and I would like to say thankyou to everyone that has ever replied to me on this thread,esp you Startin' cos you really gave me the talkin to that I needed on several evenings.Big thankyou to BEAUTIFUL for being so witty and fabulous in the first place .I remember BEAUTY saying she had bought a pair of shiny patent Hunter wellies and I thought God that woman has good taste !

Re DCs fun trip ,I would just talk about it in a fun assertive way .Get the message across with a smile on your face kinda thing .My 2 are like twins so i get what your sayin'.On the other hand 3 kids not ur own pretty daunting for anyone esp reli with no kids.R they wanting to give eldest a treat .Can you take other 2 to soft play bouncy place ?Sometimes we do get seperate invites to birthday parties but I am one of those awful gatecrasher mums with other child in tow anyway .

Mumfun let me know how you get on RE visualisations .Im thinking anything medieval and spiky might work for you
Final scenes in "Braveheart "or something along those lines.

Startin' I do get awful chilblains at the start of winter .So know where you are coming from about feet and hands not dealing with the cold .I work outside .

ps forgot to tell you ds asked me today what the stripes were on my forehead ,"cos youve got lots of them mummy".Ahh Bless !

evening all

well done today Chairmum - it will get better every day you know - you will have ups and downs but the curve is up

Maybees, I find the eye contact thing hard also. I don't know why and I don't know when it started. I think it probably got worse as I found XH harder and harder to live with TBH.

Starting, hope you're feeling better. Not like you to feel down but it happens to us all at times.

I'm still mostly on high since trip away and nose deep in the Infidelity book which is fan doo dabby doo. I only wish XH would read it, would make him think a lot as seems to mostly back up everything I ever thought and be the opposite to what he was thinking.

Sympathise on the cold front Starting - I HATE the cold.

OMG names for a new thread someone please............we don't have long....call for Beauty..

Ah Maybees, just pmsl at your ds with the stripes, brilliant, I just love when the dc's are young enough to come out with that stuff .

You sound really good in yourself & on the right track so I wouldn't worry about the eye contact thing. You'll do it to the people that are important to you . PMSL again at you being good in the sack & how H sould have put cotton wool in his ears . No need for thanks as I've got any support I gave back double .

Now for more serious matters, firstly I am glad to report that I finally have sensation back in my toes . Secondly have sorted the relative thing by organising park trip first with all three dc's & then cinema for eldest (without younger two knowing). My eldest gets loads of party invites & the other two have no problem with this but this was different as they are really looking forward to said relative visiting & would have been gutted by what relative had planned. Message has now been received I think about how important it is to spend time with all three . Issue resolved.

Now my final issue, I have a confession to make. I was minding my own business & trying to be positive a while ago when somehow I found myself in exh's email account . Anyway the fuker treated himself to a facial on valentines day & bought 4 v expensive creams. The fuking ba&tard.......... deep breaths, visualise sunshine, deep breaths, visualise peace & harmony............

Hi Ifyourhappy, great to hear you're still on a high. When you say you'd love it if xh would read the book, do you mean that you would take him back if he recognised the error of his ways?? Hope that's not too personal a question, if it is ignore.

Re Beauty, did you see that she has reappeared? I just spotted her on another thread about dating & sex, re man she had met on Match. Can't remember what we had christened him, womaniser I thing.

Aye well - bet he's got more stripes than a zebra - he needs all the potions he can get !