ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched

[BEAUTlFUL]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Come in here and chat about erection-texts, lechy lecturers and getting the painters in.

I've asked H to dig over the garden so DS and I can plant what seeds I've got. No idea whether I'll manage to deal with them but they need using so they might as well go in, and me and DS will have fun planting them

~Waves to all, was up till 3am doing college work so I'm wrecked this morning. Had appointment with my solicitor re court hearing for access & maintanence. She said it's almost unheard of for a H not to get access in this country.

Anyone following the thread from the off set will know that I have done everything possible to facilitate exh having access to dc's. He continually cancelled visits, was abusive & violent at handovers, kept saying very inappropriate stuff to eldest dd i.e. you mother is a cu*t etc. This all came to a head with a very serious & traumatic incident with dc's 4 mts ago.

It is very sad but I am now of the opinion that dc's are much better off not seeing him unless he is more stable. We're going to look for supervised access but I'd say court case will be v difficult . There is a lot more than I can post here but if he is given unsupervised access with the way he is at the moment life is going to be v difficult.

Also have another court case re dv at end of month . I can't wait till I'm free of all this horrible stuff. The dv case will be in open court as it's the police that are prosecuting him so I will be testifying publicly in front of all the local criminals . How the fu*k did this all happen...........

Hang in there Startin' all he has done to you and dcs must surely mean he doesnt get unsupervised access FFS!
Hopefully that will be the end of dv case this month and it doesnt drag on.
All part of the bumpy road I guess.
I hope you get things sorted soon and then you can start to deal with the outcome.

Away to alanon 2nite.

Spent this afternoon at dancing dress rehearsal .dcs wouldnt get changed ,huge fuss or get their photos taken .DS spent all afternoon running round the hall followed by pink fairies(angelic pink fairies all got told off)our costumes are trashed already .
Roll on Friday night.

Take care x

Thankyou for being so gracious and lovely maybees, do you have / live on a farm ? You mentioned good hay. Must be beautiful where you are.

starting it all sounds horrendous Do your DC want unsupervised acsess ? Do they want to see him at all ? Why will all the local criminals be in the courtroom too ? Are they to do with the case ? Can you have a friend in there with you ? So many questions, sorry, also I'm so curious what country you're living in and why you're there and if you're English .........

This is the first time Ive chatted on line as I'm a technaphobe and never saw the attraction of chat rooms etc. I'm loving MN though, but sometimes feel so frustrated at the many many gaps in all of our stories due us having to be carefull. In real life I'm very inquisitive and love to know all the details. Do you you all feel like that or are you used to the confinements that some of us are bound by ?

I have been doing some budget figures as part of my recovery plan. Things will be tight but we should be able to manage financially until my maternity pay runs out if I get the benefits I think I will. After that H is going to have to pay himself more from the business to cover giving some to me (or get a better paid job)

Once I know about my benefits and have fixed figures for his bills we should be ok, but things are going to be very close, and I will have to cut back on plenty of stuff - particularly being very careful with food so I can keep paying for DS's groups which he loves. I spend a tenner a week on them, without any extra trips on buses and stuff, which all adds up That'll go up if I want the new DC to get to do the same things.

I do resent the 180 quid a month he's spending on counselling when I'm debating whether I can keep DS in nursery, but I can't see how he can drop that.

I guess I will see if I can reduce any bills, perhaps by changing my ADSL line. I'm stuck into my iphone contract and quite frankly its my lifeline at times so I'd like to hang on to it.

Any other ideas where I might be able to shave money off? I normally go out for lunch with a friend every wednesday, as it isn't worth going home between some groups, so we're both waiting for the weather to get better so we can have a picnic most weeks!

I guess I'll have to find out how much feeding just DS and I costs. Bulk meals like bolognaise and stuff should go a lot further, and H eats a lot of cereal, but I eat expensive fruit... Belt tightening all the way I think

Hi all - been difficult to post for the last few days but back now! You all seem to have been pretty prolific - has taken a while to catch up.

Well done with Puppy, Starting, sounds like it's not just baking for you.

Nice to see you back Mumfun.

Maybees, seems like you are blossoming.

Newbies, good to see you all chatting.

Pinksmarties - on the gaps front, I guess it's something I've got used to. It's good to chat, but I can't really risk being outed. If I really need to talk about something that gives too much away then I occasionally do a quick name change and post re: a few really awful things anonymously.

Hello,

I have had a really shitty few weeks.

I have realised I need to draw up a list of rules as I have to treat X like a delinquent teenager.

I am going to demand he removes his belongings from my house (he moved out over 6 months ago), sign over the car to me and have his post re-directed.

Am tired of being called names. I so need a holiday.

Evening Dumplings, I was going to post in response to pinks post that I've gone beyond caring what I post but then read Ifyourhappys response & I now feel v paranoid again about all the details I've posted to date. I apologise in advance for this but I've requested for all my old posts to be deleted. I feel kinda of sad about this as it's nice to have a record of my progress on here but I've just got a bit scared that I might have posted too many details & could easily be outed.

Maybees, thanks for your vote of support yet again.

Pink, the criminals will be there as the court case is being held in a criminal court. Dc's are v young & would of course want to see exh.

Chairmum, hope your feeling a bit better now. Hugs to you.

Dutchy, great to see you back, good luck with bounderies.

Waves to ifyourhappy.

No baby sitter so just watched more lambing live instead of alanon .

Hi Happy hope you had a good weekend .Thanks for your encouragement .I agree re posting.

Smartie dont take offence at people not answering your questions you will find people tend to be a bit ambiguous to keep their anonimity.

Miaow def plant your seeds and get H to do all the digging Flowers prob easier this year and ds can help water them in the summer.Good fun.Dont over do it though -delegation important for pregnant ladies !
Dont mean to pry but how were you with first pg for mood swings ,eating,sleeping.Just wondered how they both compare.Dont need to answer if u dont want to Miaow .I didnt really get back to myself til dd was 1 1/2yo .I felt very vulnerable.I remember someone rudely telling me that was because I had my babies too close together.Now I would just tell her to piss off but when dd was 6mths I was so hurt by that comment I actually felt guilty about getting pg when my ds was 6mths.
I was pg x2 and bf in total 2 1/2 yrs non stop.So I didnt feel myself all that time , very fragile and vulnerable when I was normally independent and fairly confident.Dont beat yourself up just lots of big hugs ans special treats.
RE Economising I try and live by the motto "people are only poor if they choose to be" Loads out there that you dont have to pay for.I also buy a lot of own brand shopping,reduced items and freeze them,would never have dreamnt of doin this b4 but it saves me quite a lot and leaves more fun money.I also tend to buy things on special offer so real variety in our cupboard and I dont have to bother if H will eat it.But pesky mice were starting to really piss me off a few weeks ago,but got that under control .Tinned fruit good too, all vits for kids .I tend to think we wont be eating like this forever so try and see it as another challenge to be inventive and resourceful.You wont ever be stuck -dont look at having problems ,only situations and you will manage to find a way out of most situations ,Take care x
.

Dutchy - can you take a holiday now? I do find that a break really really helps. Having been away with a friend recently, I laughed and enjoyed myself like I haven't for years

Ok, I'm back again. Just got an email from MN & have decided to leave my posts remain. I think it's for the best, I don't have anything to hide & hopefully if anyone ever reads the threads my posts might give a bit of inspiration . Or if I'm ever going through a rough time it might be nice to read back.

Maybees, you & I really have a lot in common. I also spent over three yrs either pg or breast feeding . Sorry to hear you had probs with mood swings though. I was v lucky & never had any hormone probs or mood swings. I never even got morning sickness for any of my pg's. Sorry I'll say no more or I'll be getting virtual slaps......... .

Dutch big hugs -Re name calling,door slamming ,storming off,switching off phone and generally acting like an irresponsible arse I am right there with you mate.Really upset me when ds calls me or dd a name he has learnt from H but also underlines that split is the right thing for us.Read on a thread that "You are not a good dad if you disrespect mum"How true is that.Boundaries are what are good for you ,he will have to accept them .HE CANNOT DIS A DUMPLING ! END OF! x

So glad ur Keeping ur posts Startin' I love 'em!
RE mood swings .I guess i just dont do hormones very well.Not when I was in teens,not when on the pill,not when pg and not when had Mirena coil{everyone told me i was imagining coil thing, not possible ,then recently read another MN thread and people had same black side affects as me }So no hormones for me if possible ,I just go all

Starting, glad you have decided to keep your posts. I was wondering whether to do a name change actually and just to appear on here carrying on posting as normal but with a different name - could do on a new dumpling thread? Got stuck on a name though

Turns out backing music for lambing live is my mumford and sons song.How crazy is that - tractors ,sheep and banjos !

Ah Maybees, thanks, being honest I'd have been sad to have lost the posts aswell . I deffinately think some people are badly effected by hormone changes. Well done to you for keeping up the bf with all that going on. I've the mirena fitted & find it brilliant but I've friends that found it brutal so it's really individual.

Ah Ifyourhappy, you'd lose your identity with a name change, we'd miss ifyourhappy! Just keep posting the other bits under a diff name .

Yippee for the cave Maybees, all your fav things together, things must be about to take a positive turn for you........

Mmmm OK - and I was liking HappyClappy too

I know startin' ive just gone all cutting edge
{falls off seat cos laughing sooooo much}

Sounds like a bad std

Doctor Doctor Ive got Happyclappyitis
How did you get that then
Too much baking and shagging

Evening lovely dumplings, thanks ifyourhappy, starting and maybees, I do totally understand about not wanting to be outed, it aplies to me too and I'm not in the least bit offended if any of my questions don't get answered.

Miaow, good luck with belt tightening, I think most people are having to do that. I eat expensive fruit too and sometimes feel guilty about spending the money on it but I love it, need it and deserve it and it makes me feel good so that can't be bad can it. Keep eating it Miaow, I think eating good healthy stuff goes a long way to counteracting all the emotional crap we go through.

Maybees, I love the "situations, not problems" thing.

Sometimes I think I'll buy a lovely sort of note book and just put in random bits of stuff that has helped me or makes me smile and cut out bits from my self help books, or lovely illistrations from magazines etc. Just lots of positive things that make me smile.

Ah Maybees, you just gave me a great laugh!

Good idea Smartie I have" Maybees survival journal 2010 ".I add bits and bobs and like this thread it will always remind me of this time in my life.Kind of book that has a real positive empowering vibe ! I have poems ,songs,quotes ,hopes for the future
, allsorts, hymns"How great thou art -rocks dont ya think"prayers and meditations.Its all good Smartie !